out of pocket

So, I was on-line checking out hotels in Mackinaw City.


For those that don't know, The proximity to the Mackinaw Bridge, numerous historical sites, and Mackinaw Island makes this small, rather boring town a very popular vacation destination.  
You don't really go there just to hang out in town, in other words.  Not a foodies paradise (jesus no), not a golf and fishing destination.

A jumping off place....
While camping nearby, was there for the day a couple weeks back, at several of the afore-mentioned historical sites, and I had noticed a hotel, which was right next door to one of them.

On the water. 

It had the most spectacular views of the bridge and the straits, better than any other lodging option (there are dozens and dozens) in town. 

it caught my eye, in part, because it was not a chain.  It looked kinda quaint, hearkening back to hotel stays I enjoyed as a kid.  it looked, in my always-thinking-in-terms-of-story, like the kind of place you'd stay after the season's over,  going to sleep with the bridge lit up outside your window, getting up in the morning, stepping outside with a hot cup of coffee on a cool morning, to walk the beach, barefoot with your jeans rolled up a bit. 

I could, in that moment, taste it, smell it, hear it....... 


Anyhow, being the glass-is-half-empty kinda guy that I am, I was checking out the very few negative YELP reviews of the place, when I came across one that really stuck with me. 

Whomever this person was, gave the hotel a one star rating.  Not because service was bad, room was unclean, air conditioning / heat was not exactly what they wanted it to be. 
Nope.   

Main complaint was the fact that this family run hotel did not offer in-room WIFI.   Not even for an upcharge, let alone for free. 

"So much for getting any work done during my trip." 

I don't know this person, nor her situation.   Which makes it easy to take her complaint and run with it anyway I choose. 

Woot! 

So many questions, and thoughts, just by that one sentence. 

Ultimately I end up with this. 

You don't drive from wherever you are, to Mackinaw City, to GET WORK DONE!


You may THINK it's a compromise, you going off for the weekend with your loved one(s), but still being able to get work done, but... it's not.   You're not fully engaged. 

You short those that you are with, and your heart's not in the work.  Everyone loses!

yay!!!!
You go there to jump off to other wonderful adventures, OUTSIDE, walking, biking, hiking swimming, boating... 


Another, positive review nails it.  "Who goes to Mackinaw City to spend their time in a hotel room?" 

Review's 4 years old, old enough to have been posted before every single one of us carry a computer in our pocket. 
I would hope that the reviewer's life and priorities have changed to the point where they're no longer worrying about getting work done when they should be worrying about quality time spent with those who are important. 
if not, they're somewhere right now, holding their Iphone up above their head, bee-yatching about not getting a signal, with their husband / boyfriend/girlfriend/ children standing around, not getting the best of them.

To quote Bill Maher, there's a reason why Fred Flinstone yells "yabba dabba doo" when the workday whistle blows.     

Work day ENDS, rest of life is enjoyed.   
Balance, people. 

I've got no big complaints at the moment, with that balance, though I've certainly struggled with it more in previous positions.   
I do struggle with the electronics, though.     

I spent 45 years NOT plugged in, NOT having the world at my fingertips, in my pocket, wherever I go, and I likely did not suffer from it.   
It's hard to be truly "out of pocket", with your phone and computer IN your pocket.   

We used to have to provide the name and phone# of hotel where we were staying, if we wanted phone calls.   

I find myself amused to find hotel rooms still have phones in them.   

Perhaps the way to go would be for a hotel to offer a phone lock up service when you go to stay.  

I started writing this a week ago, and was prompted to finish it just now, as I fell further down the electronics rabbit hole.  Was looking at alternatives to the crappy, restrictive hot spot contract I have for my house, that just completed.    Hey, I can get a portable one, better than the one bolted to my house, and carry it with me wherever I go. in addition to my iPhone.... 
Geezus..

Because smartphone's not enough!!!    

Might still get it, as it sounds like a decent option for home wifi use, but won't take it with me.  Gotta draw the line somewhere...

Enough.

So, the area around Fiji was hit with the strongest cyclonic event ever to be measured in the southern hemisphere last weekend.

Let me repeat that.   The STRONGEST STORM EVER RECORDED IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE  laid waste to the Fiji region last weekend.

And... how many of you knew about it?  

The only headline I found about it?    Tsunami not a Threat to Hawaii.

So... bad things happen... somewhere else and all we get is that the bad thing is not a threat to us.  Nothing to see here.  Move on.
The fact that these events happen with increasing frequency and severity is not, in and of itself, newsworthy, apparently.   From what I've seen over the last week on-line, stories of this disaster would just elicit a bunch of barely literate references to Al Gore profiteering or some crap.     Because... people.

Is it because violent weather events are so commonplace now?  Imagine if televised benefit concerts continued to be held for every one of them.   That shit had to stop!   Noone would be able to go on tour or into the studio!    
How many MORE versions of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah would we have heard by now?  
Someone decided, ENOUGH with the concerts and the benefits, because they would have lost their emotional impact, viability and significance by the 42nd time......

Or is it an issue of bad timing?   Something far juicier, and far closer (can't get any closer this time) to home happened at roughly the same time.

Somebody, for-as-of-yet-unknown reasons, shot up my hometown a week ago.   15 minutes from my driveway, he driving around, picking up UBER fares.  And in between times, he'd stop his car, get out, shoot random people, get back in his car, and drive off.  Six people, so far, have died.

By the time most of us woke up sunday morning, it was all over the news and social media.  

It's the 42nd mass shooting so far this calendar year.    For those who like math, 42 mass shootings in the United States in the first 51 days of the year.     Anyone got a problem with this?

The usual responses were also immediate.  Because...people.

Why, if everyone carried a gun, this guy wouldn't have been able to...
f there was more gun control and stronger background checks, this guy wouldn't have been able to....

That's ENOUGH.

I expect I'm a tad simple-minded on the subject, but I've news for all of you.
Guns DO kill people.
With speed, efficiency, from a safe distance, and with very little exertion of physical effort.  If this were not the case, a 3 year old would not have been able to accidentally take out grandpa a couple weeks back.

Killing so easy, a three year can do it.  

That's why the bad people use this tool to carry out their bad people intentions.  That's why you don't hear about nearly 4 dozen mass... knifings, slingshottings, clubbing or stranglings so far this calendar year.

You buy them, so you say, to protect yourself from bad people with bad intentions.   And how would you use it, in that situation?  Would you use it to club at the other person.   You would not.
Shoot.   To.    Kill.        See how that works?  Be HONEST.

Any tired-ass argument you want to put forth to negate this, cars kill people, alcohol kills people...
Enough.
That's ENOUGH.

And the good guy with the gun saving us from the bad guy with the gun... Still waiting for that to happen.

Enough.

Lest you think I'm simply on an anti-gun rant.....


And THIS time, it was it some guy with no history of mental illness nor a police record.  So those who use these tragedies to pontificate about the need for more gun control....
Enough.
That's ENOUGH.

The surprising thing that happened this time?  It seems our elected officials have finally gotten the message that we, as a people, are tired of their meaningless thoughts and prayers.
Apparently, some wise PR person whispered in their collective ears, that their thoughts and prayers combined with absolutely no effort to keep it from continuing to happen, seems less than genuine.

Finally, someone decided.. ENOUGH.  Your words will have lost emotional impact, viability and significance, the 42nd time...

And it's a good thing, because there've been at least two more mass shootings since what happened in Kalamazoo last weekend.  

Ironically, until I woke up last sunday, I was going to write a nice column about weekend getaways; reintroducing myself to the awesomeness that is To Kill A Mockingbird; and then slip in something snarky about parents who take their kids to the playground, but stay in the car on the phone the whole time.
(I've pushed a lot of other people's kids on the swings in the last 8 years, while they sit in their cars and watch.  I'm cool with that.  I like kids....)

Then I started this article, and it just got longer and longer and longer and I've edited the hell out of it just to get to what you see here.

I don't know the answers.  I just know that as a nation, we've veered off into some dark, paranoid hate-filled place.    Turn on the news any day of the week, and you'll immediately see this.  

And I'm tired.    Tired of people dying, tired of hearing politicians gain in popularity for saying they're going to build walls or keep refugees out, or just for saying they'd like to punch someone who's protesting their hate-filled message.    

Tired of friends and family members throwing out blatant untruths they heard someone say on the news, as support for their own opinion.  

Tired of the goddamn echo chamber that is what passes for polite discourse.

So I ask you, my friends - what are we to do?   What can we do to fix this?   To be constructive instead of destructive?  

Give Thanks Today - Thoughts about being grateful anyhow, from the insomnia chair.

Yeah, so... I've been up for awhile.  

It is what it is.

And as I have become prone to do in situations where I'd like to get really down about things.... I've been spending the last couple-three of hours trying really hard NOT to be.

11 months ago, 3am was when "the bad people" would come to call.  
I was in a jam, professionally, working 11-12 hour days without even taking a lunch break, just to fall further behind.    It was an unusual situation for me to be in, as I've done pretty darn well for myself in my chosen field of endeavor, 'lo these last two decades.

And I would lay awake, and fears of the present and the future, and self-recriminations, and anger and loathing and a bunch of other shady characters would make their presence known.
After awhile, it became such a regular occurrence that I simply referred to them as "the bad people."

I reckon many of you are visited by your own versions of them.  

Solidarity!!!

By most people's definition, the last year and a half would qualify as a motherfucker.
That's pretty succinct, yes?
Like everyone else, it's been a rollercoaster ride, for sure.  And the  roller coaster is oddly built, and occasionally rickety.  
but one of the cool things I've learned, and continue to learn every day, is that - I get to steer it.  
In many ways, we ride a roller coaster of our own design.  

No, you are not in total control of everything that happens to you and your loved ones.  Of course not!  

But how you react, what you focus on, how you continue to focus on the future and your life goals...  design it.  
Steer it.

I am so thankful for my life.

And for the 8 females of various species to which I come home every day.  How lucky am I?!?!?!

And for being a dad, to an amazing, yet challenging, daughter.  

And to the friends I have, old and newer.

And for the opportunities that have allowed me to continue to grow as a man, and as a human being.  That have continued to shape me into someone of whom I can be proud.

For the constant reminders that it really is, and will always be, a work in progress.
For the knowledge that patience and optimism are my friends.

For the little things, on which we all can focus our attention, when the big picture becomes daunting. I love the little things so much.

For instances of such amazing timing and coincidence that you can do little but accept that the universe is an amazing place, indeed.

For a great spring, summer and fall, unlike any I've had as an adult.

For projects completed.

For a life goal realized.   A goal I've had since college, without really knowing how to achieve it.
It was basically handed to me.  I just had to say "I do that."  when someone asked.
And then actually do it, at least well enough for them to keep saying "more, please!"

For learning to say " I do that"  when the time comes.  

And, as a grand finale, to the ability to remind myself that ultimately, it's going to be ok.
It is.
And I know we we'll be able to deal with it when it's not.
We'll soldier on, while wishing we could just catch a break.   And then we will remind ourselves that we've caught lots of them....

It may not be how you pictured it,  whenever you pictured it, there will be bumps and disappointments and fears both unsubstantiated and realized, but damn if it's not ultimately going to be ok, even as we continue to strive to make it better than that.



Good or bad, the last year and a half has ensured that I am no longer coasting through life at half speed.   On a roller coaster of someone else's design.


Be thankful today, even if initially you're not feeling it.
Do it tomorrow, too.
And the day after.    
Make it a habit, even though it's easier said than done, some days.  

It drives the bad people crazy.

Standards, people.

Oh, brothers and sisters, I pontificate to you this evening with a furrowed brow and a heavy heart.

These are troubling times.

Tonite, my brain is pre-occupied with standards.   Our standards, my flock.
And the fact that they've.... gotten pretty low.

Can I get an Amen?

I first started dwelling on this, on a part-time basis, a few months ago.  An area poll was taken, as to the best restaurants in my greater metropolitan (he writes, chuckling at the use of this word to describe where he lives) area.

The restaurant that came in 2nd, is within walking distance of my house.   The food there is not good (nor is it truly bad), and they've a ways to go before their in-house brewed beers taste like what you'd except. IPA is not very IPA-like, etc.

But the owner works the room well, and the service is always attentive, lest you think I'm only focused on the negative.  Not me, my people.  I always look for the positive, if I'm going to testify negatively, hallelujah!

it's all about balance, you see....


The comments to the announcement that this was the 2nd best restaurant in my GMA, are what've stuck with me.   You must, we are told, try a burger when you go.  They're awesome!

A burger.
It's the 2nd best restaurant in the area, because... they serve a hamburger.

I've had the hamburger. Due to it's proximity to my humble abode, I've done a fairly in-depth study on their hamburger.  I researched most of my college term papers less than I've researched this hamburger.
It tastes remarkably like... every other basic, kinda dry,  hamburger I've ever had.
It's not particularly large, not stuffed with something new and exciting, not seasoned nor topped with anything that makes THEIR 1/3lb of ground cow meat stand out from the crowd.

Try the burger!!!!!!!!   Not... "best beer ever", or "Daily specials show a true love of the culinary arts".

Nope.  Try the damn burger, brother and sisters.  Want fries with that?
And before you assume, there are way more than two restaurants in my GMA.    And lots of them don't even offer drive-thru service!  

Our standards.....

But wait!   On the way to services this morning, I passed a billboard.    "Busch Beer.  Because you earned it."

Earned it?!?!?!?!?!?  You earned a really crappy tasting beer, my congregants!!!!! Rejoice and be glad!!!
You EARNED that Busch beer.    Way to go!
What does one have to do, to accomplish,  to EARN a Busch beer?   the limber mind reels with sarcastic responses.      However, looking closer at the sign, apparently you earn a Busch beer by... shooting a deer or a duck.

I fish a lot, and have, since getting my first post-college job (which paid crap wages and was unsatisfying in every way), always felt like I earned better than that.
I had a great day out on the river this morning! I really earned.... a halfway decent beer that I will not want to consume via paper funnel or long plastic tube.    Can I get an amen?

Standards,  my people.    If you accomplished more than tying your owns shoes today, you've earned better than Busch beer.  Praise... whomever you feel comfortable praising!


And this brings me to the overlying concern, when it comes to standards, and the fact that we've apparently given up on them.

Don't we all deserve the highest standards in politicians?    It's easy to repeat the oft heard phrase that we get the politicians we deserve, I think some of our standards have faltered over the last 20 years.

Where I live, there was just a primary to pick the republican candidate that will run for a seat vacated by the "family values" "christian" official, who was ejected from the house once it became known that she was having fact finding meetings with another "christian" "family values" representative from the other side of the state, in a Lansing hotel room. Regularly.   He was removed from office as well.  

And they both had the gall, and the legal loopholes, to run in the primary for the very offices that they were just expelled from!  Frankly, I was relieved and a bit surprised when they did not win their respective nominations.

Are these truly the politicians we deserve?  The argument, brothers and sisters, is that they ARE, because enough people heard the buzzwords, and decided that was all they needed to know.

Standards, people...   We've let them slip, we've let them slide.   So very far down....

Burgers... You can order them from your car by talking into a clown's mouth.
Busch Beer - just... no.

And it's time we all try to give that whole "informed electorate" thing a try again.  Try to use the gigantic brains that evolution, or the god of your choice, has provided us, to see past the buzzwords.

I'm not choosing sides here.

If everyone, or at least a far greater number of people who are currently doing this,  CAN and WILL  do this, we'll all come out ahead.  Think for yourselves, my people!

It only hurts for a moment.

Or maybe we do get the politicians we deserve,  and we really HAVE earned that Busch beer.


This notion gives me the shivers, the same kind I used to get when I was a broke college kid, trying to force Busch beer down my gullet....

Insomnia - Accept the night, remember to appreciate your day.

Put the book down around 10p, after a long, busy day.   Morning was rough, but it got better, for which I am grateful.

Lights out, drifting off...... my wife comes down from putting my daughter to bed, and.... I'm awake.

and I toss and turn and do the hokey pokey for awhile, until I finally get to the point where I'm juuuussstttt drifting off again..... The water pump in the basement goes off.   Slow and loud.

shit.

And then the late night freight train... You can hear it coming from a mile away, slowly, steadily making it's way through the night, through the woods, until it's behind your 150 year old farm house, at which point you can not only hear it, you can feel it, like an 80 car subwoofer going one mile an hour...

And I begin to regret the ice cream I ate before bed, was THAT why I'm wide awake now, because of all of the sugar?

And the pump went off  again.
And then the soft water unit regenerated
and then my daughter woke up, and i was wide awake so heard her coming down the stairs, and met her there, so as not to wake up my wife.   Glanced at the clock....12:30

Sat with my daughter for a few minutes, a pre-agreed upon amount of time, got an extra kiss and hug for my effort, came back downstairs.....

Another freakin' train, really????  we go days and days without one, but tonite.....

And then the pump, and then the dog starts barking in her sleep, and then....

It's 1:30 and I'm still awake.

And I break down and take a sleep aid, and eagerly await for it to take effect.   That slow release, the tingling in the feet and hands, that gradually spreads up the arms and legs, the moment when your thoughts get garbled a bit, and you get irritated, only to realize that this is a GOOD thing, and you welcome it, letting it in.....

Or.. not so much, as your daughter's back up, your wife's getting out of bed.... and it's 2:30....

And it might just be the (not so helpful) sleep aid talking, but....  I am not having fun.  
And bed is SUPPOSED to be a fun, happy place!

The pump in the basement goes off again.... Why's it doing that? Dammit, I better go check the basement....   it's fine.   And I'm walking around at 2:30 in the morning, with un-productive drugs in my bloodstream...  That should also be more fun than it appears to be.

And the way my old farmhouse is set up, if I get up, come out to the living room and turn on the TV, the noise will go up the stairs into my daughter's room.

I haven't had a night like this in many months, and back then, it was work-driven.   3am was the time of day where I'd lay awake and think about all the work that was not yet complete.....

Finally, drifted off.... for a couple of hours, until my wife came down stairs again after falling asleep with my daughter the 2nd time she got up...

It's not yet light out, I am NOT getting up, dammit.

So, it's now a gorgeous Saturday morning, and I'm having a cup of coffee, and watching something to encourage life positivity, which I've been struggling with the last few days.  

You put it out there, and keep it out there, until something comes along that's contrary to it, and... you go off the rails a bit, in seconds.   And it takes days and, apparently, nights to try to get your head back on track.   Wish upward spirals were as easy to step into, as are the downward kinds.

Time for more coffee.  

Love everything today, appreciate it, find ways to look at the bright side of everything.   It takes no more energy to focus on the positives, and believe in it, as it does to focus on the negativity.....

Even if you're only going on two hours of sleep.

 

For Fiona, on her 8th birthday.

So, my daughter's 8th birthday is upon us.

I'm sitting on my back porch, sipping luke-warm coffee and writing until the sun rises above the trees and blinds me, forcing me to take this party inside......

We are alone this morning, my wife and I.    Fiona is not with us.    She spent the night at girl scout camp.

Let me re-state to better emphasize.

She.

SPENT THE NIGHT

at girl scout camp.

Last night was the first night she's ever spent away from home, away from.... us.

We found out Monday afternoon that this was an option, she stated emphatically that she would NOT be doing THAT, we told her it was ok with us if she wanted to, but perfectly fine if she didn't, and by Tuesday evening she was.... hedging.

"Well..... maybe I'll want to do it....."

And by Wednesday morning, there was no uncertainty.   And upon arriving home from day camp on Wednesday, she was crazy ready, let's start packing RIGHT NOW!!!!"

And with nary a backward glance, she grabbed her overnight bag yesterday morning as she got out of the car, and.... was gone.

This, the girl who cajoles us to not leave her bedside every single night, and who, for the first six years of her life, ensured that we did not sleep much or well...

My wife, more prone toward... being a mom, whereas I'm kind of dad-like, was a bit sad about this development, in the midst of being proud of her.  One more baby step taken down the long road to independence, to.... loving us, but no longer needing us.        

Baby steps......

I'm a bit more.... me.  Combined with being a dad.    So I was extremely proud of her, and excited to watch a grown up movie with my wife, NOT on the little DVD player at reduced volumes because we didn't want to make too much noise while she was going to sleep.     

(Irony.... We watched Amelie, which is in French with English Subtitles.  We READ a movie, on the one night we could have cranked the surround sound....)

As parents, we continue to worry about her and be amazed by her, non-stop, in equal doses.   She has some issues that she might have to struggle with for her entire life.  They effect her ability to prioritize and focus, and can impact how she's perceived by others, especially in group settings (like.... classrooms.)

So, we worry.

But she's just so damn amazing.    Big heart, big brain, big imagination, great enthusiasm, incredible sense of humor...    And the most infectious laugh I've ever heard.  

When taking a step back from... everything, and remembering to slow down and to just... PAY ATTENTION FOR GODSSAKE (!!!), I constantly marvel at her thought processes, her facial expressions, and her growing sense of how she's a part of something much larger than she was able to process at a younger age.  

And her kindness.   My god, I hope the world treats her in a manner that will keep her from replacing her innate kindness with cynicism and shields....

Guess that's a "wait and see" and I'll just continue to enjoy her for who she is, while trying to help her  in her journey to who she will become.    

Fiona, you will always be an amazing gift.    Happy birthday, darlin'.

Magic Boots

Apple-picking-with-friends-on-a-sleety-fall-Saturday-boots.

Tending-the-chickens-in-a-downpour-boots.

Mow-forever-boots.

Walk-through-anything-with-feelings-of-indestructibility-boots.

These:

For the last 25+ years, boots have, for want of a better term, been a big deal for me.  Started to realize their importance in my life while in college, after studying was done for the night or the week, and I found myself in places perhaps I should not have been, late at night, with friends.
Boots = adventure.  Or more accurately, they equalled a feeling of indestructibility while on those adventures.   I was 10 feet tall, impervious to anything that may harm me, and the earth trembled as I stomped upon it.
And that, my friends, was a great feeling.   Which likely explained in part the big grin I'd usually be sporting, whenever the late night adventures took place.

They say that youth have no sense of their own mortality, of being... breakable.
I was not one of those kids.   I never took being in one piece for granted.   I lived and moved with greater caution than many of my peers, often to my own detriment. I moved with reservation, while they plowed forward without pause.   Guess who was frequently a step or two behind as a result...
Which made the boots, THE BOOTS!!!! - so special.   I was stomping the earth late at night with friends, I was a giant, no longer a mere mortal.  Let's climb...THAT!!!!  Now!!!!

And, so.... boots.   Ever since.   and I beat the hell out of them before finally replacing them, every time.

This is one of the the things I wish for my daughter, as she grows up - boots.  Real or metaphorical, I don't really care which.  She's shaping up to be much like I was, a bit more physically cautious than her peers; letting the worry of potential injury and pain keep her from doing things, things that many of the other kids do without thought.    And while the nervous dad in me is glad of this on some levels, he also remembers what it was like to be... her.

Of course I want her to make intelligent choices and never completely eschew caution.  But I also want her to have the feeling of stomping the earth, the sublime pleasure of looking down and laughing at just how high you've climbed without once stopping to think about it.  
"Holy crap!  That's a long way down!  This is so cool....."

It's just so damn important to feel that way once in awhile.

I get the middle-aged version of this now, living where I do.  
Mud?  Screw mud.
Rainstorms?
Cold, wet, mess?
Time to mow the biggest yard God ever made, known to have... critters lurking within?
Lost the trail?
"Screw them, too." He says, slipping into his boots.

And when i combine them with these:

The world trembles before me.....

As I hope it will tremble before my daughter, at least once in awhile.