College rivalaries.... or something else?

Yeah, so…. I’m done with college rivalries.

Honestly, I was never all that into them to begin with.  And to the extent I WAS, it was pretty laid back, and used to continue friendships.   Like calling my friend Gretchen, half-drunk from an MSU alumni bar a few years ago, because State won.

Like that.

Not to be obnoxious (I wasn’t), or rub her face in it (I didn’t, she’s a friend), but simply because I knew we’d both laugh about it, and a way to let her know I was thinking of her,  and that’s what friends do.

I realized that I’ve grown weary of all of it, this morning.  

I was at work, and it was tailgate day because of the game tomorrow, and I was in a room fairly well populated with what are referred to as Walmart Wolverines – Those rabid supporters that have never set foot in an University of Michigan classroom, but tend to be the most obnoxious of supporters, in person, and on social media.     

Not all of them, certainly, and I want to make sure to state it for the record.  

I’ve family members that fall into this category, that of rabid fandom without having attended.  And our interactions are always friendly and courteous, when football is discussed.   Good natured, in other words.  The rivalry, in this case, gives us common ground to walk upon, albeit briefly. I value it. It’s… nice.   Or at least nice enough. 

We have differing allegiances, but it’s not such a bone of contention that it causes problems…..

But for so many, it’s not friendly nor courteous nor… nice.

“Michigan STATE?!?! I hate you!”  Was in lieu of “Good Morning”, this morning.       Meh. 

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders and moved on. 

Social media’s the worst.   

Because… it’s social media.  

Nothing curdles the milk of human kindness quicker...

You make the mistake of reading comments on a post (how many of us swore to stop doing THAT…) and are inundated with half-witted garbage men (a legit example, not making this one up) and others, who are simply nasty and insulting in their support,  and quick to name-call, quick to anger, and quick to say “Oh yeah, well what about that one time that OSU or MSU or…anyone not UofM’s player did that one bad thing….” .

Rinse, lather, repeat.  X 1,000,000.

It’s gotten old, has no real positive purpose, serves only to further divide us, and I’m weary of it.

“Is he still talking about college rivalries?”  You may ask.

Would you have asked that, two years ago?  

To be honest, that very issue is another reason why my tolerance for sports rivalry nonsense has taken a hit.    What was once good-natured ribbing has gotten ugly.

And what was once relegated to Sox vs. Cubs, Mets Vs. Yankees, UofM vs. MSU (or OSU or…), has permeated our national discourse on all topics political, scientific, and related to gun violence.   

MSU vs. UofM... a microcosm, if you will.

    

And after the last week... I'm simply weary of it.

So, I hope everyone enjoys the game, and are friendly and good natured in their post-game gloating.

Go green!  

Helping your kids to feel safe, in troubled times........

(another article I originally wrote for stridepost.com.  I re-publish it here, with their friendly thumbs up.)

So, there’s been a lot going on in the world, of late, much of it worrisome. What was once unheard of, has become a regular occurrence.

Depending on how much exposure to the world’s affairs your kids have, you likely are finding yourselves having conversations with them that you never thought you’d have to have.

As parents, we want to make sure our kids feel loved, valued, and safe.

I had a long talk about this with my daughter, as I held her in my arms when she was just a couple of hours old.

Promises were made. 

So, nine years later, to the day… How to help your kids feel safe.

A very helpful article from PBS.org suggests several common sense ways to help with this, a couple of which really stood out for me.

• Turn off the media.  24 hour news channels love a good tragedy. It’s unhealthy for us, as adults, to watch too much coverage, it’s even more so for our kids.

• Don’t avoid answering questions, but don’t over do it on unnecessary details. It’s a good idea, when doing so, to ask them what they’ve heard, first.

Another article about keeping kids feeling safe in stressful times offers up a couple more useful pieces to the puzzle.

• Encourage your kids to express their fears and concerns. Be it by talking about them, drawing them or writing about them. Their increased understanding about themselves and what’s making them feel the way they feel, is valuable.

• Offer hope, and assure them you’re in it together.

Common threads throughout the above articles and others, like this one emphasize the reassuring nature of maintaining your routine; the value of a little extra attention and affection; and if your kids are old enough, talking with them about possible actions or activities in which they can take part, so they feel less powerless.

Most of the topics I’ve been asked to write about over the last year or so, share an important theme.

Your kids are watching you.   They learn from watching you. They take their queues from watching you.   When they’re worried, they’re not just listening to what you’re telling them, they’re watching you. Show them confidence and assurance. Your verbal reassurance will not carry weight if you don’t. This is, frequently, easier said than done, but…

Promises were made.

Your face will not freeze like that....

(another piece of mine, originally published by stridepost.com, re-printed here, for posterity, with their official okely dokely.)

 I realized something, recently.

As parents, we’ve broken the chain.
The generations-old chain of passing on scary falsehoods to our kids.

They’re going back in the water right after eating now!
They’ll never know that their face may “freeze like that”.
If they swallow gum, it won’t stay in their stomachs for seven years.
And they’re likely not going to go blind, at least not for the reasons about which we were warned.

That whole “Waiting an hour to go swimming” story?

It’s been around for at least a century. 

But is likely not as vital to our continued existence as we were made to believe.
When you think of all the time wasted as a child, gazing with longing at the water…. I’m sorry.
Truly.

And I was right there with you,
Solidarity, my friends!

Once you realize that you won’t immediately die if you don’t wait an hour after eating or drinking to go back in the water, your whole world can open up.

“They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about, so Why NOT juggle fire while riding a unicycle? “

And while it might not be a surprise to any of you at this point, let me be clear about something. Your face will not freeze in any position that you voluntarily put it. Unless you have one of two neurological disorders.   
If you do not suffer from Spasmodic Toricollis, or Blepharospasm, you’ll probably be ok.

And while your digestive system does not break down gum like it would food, It does keep it moving along the digestive tract, like anything else.

Accurate nor not, these were some of the safety warnings of our youth, probably because they were the safety warnings of our parents’ youth.

But at some point, I have to think that my dad would have jumped off the rocks into the stream, at his favorite swimming hole (One he showed us many years later) right after eating or drinking, and realized he had been fed an untruth.

So why pass them along?

He ate, he swam, he did not get a cramp and immediately sink and drown… Probably more than once.   So… Why?

Perhaps to give us a time out, a bit of chill time to catch our breaths and calm down a bit?   Or to give themselves a break from having to keep an eye on us?

Or were we told these things as a way to ease us into the notion that our parents were fallible?
“We do what we can to keep you safe, and to keep your face from freezing, and to keep you from going blind, but at the end of the day… we’re imperfect.”?

Or, less profound, and more likely, they did so, simply because it’s what they heard, when they were kids.

Regardless, we haven’t passed these chestnuts on to my daughter.

But she knows we do what we can to keep her safe, and she certainly knows we’re imperfect.

But we keep working at it.

Fighting the season of gluttony.

(my friends at stridepost.com originally published this and other articles I wrote.  I'm re-printing them here, for posterity, with their okey dokey.)

That time of year is quickly drawing near. The wonderful time of generosity and abundance, of sharing what you have with others. Yes, my friends, leftover Halloween candy season is just around the corner. It’s just the beginning of our annual season of gluttony, a season that stretches from Halloween thru the end of the year. That’s why everyone vows to make lifestyle changes on January 1.

A few years ago, I instituted lifestyle changes on October 1. It was glorious and as I was committed. I skated through gluttony season un-scathed, a feat I’ve not been able to replicate in recent years. In part because, as I shared with you last fall. I’m a big fan of cookies. My weakness for treats like cookies is why I’m looking at ways to avoid the snare of gluttony season this year.

Gluttony is a lust of the mind. – Thomas Hobbes

Control Availability

The single best tip I’ve seen thus far is to, simply stated – be really choosey, especially when you’re some place like the office, where you don’t control availability. If you’re not going to really, truly enjoy that dilapidated fun-size snicker, or dull tasting factory made Christmas cookie – Then DON’T eat it. I find myself wondering why I bothered, about 90% of the time. (The other 10% of the time, I’m eating a peanut butter cup with my coffee, or enjoying a Tootsie Pop, way more than I probably should be. )

It all starts with Halloween. When I was younger than my daughter is now, we were sent out into the neighborhood, with no guidance. Our candy collecting was tempered only by our continued enthusiasm for the act of it. Left to our devices, it became boring after a bit. As did, to be honest, gorging on the spoils of our efforts, when we finally came home. Much like that factory Christmas cookie and that dilapidated fun-size candy bar, the IDEA of it was far more exciting than the reality of it. A couple days later, the stuff we really liked was gone, and what was left… eventually got thrown out. Which is the same sad end my daughter’s Halloween (and easter) candy comes to, year in and out.

We try not to be too controlling, when it comes to her candy consumption. Our family does have some guidelines and some rules. We don’t want her to think we don’t trust her, or that it’s a bad thing.   It’s easier said than done sometimes, but we do want her to be able to be self-controlling as she grows up. But, in part due to the layout of our cupboards and counters in our crazy-old farm house, the candy ends up out of sight.   And… it’s forgotten about, largely. (This is another great tip, in itself, for besting the season of gluttony.)

Basically, the best plan is to control what you can, where you can.

• What other fun can you offer at Halloween, besides hours of trick or treating? (Petty vandalism is NOT a better option, by the way.)
• What physical activity outlets and fun family traditions can you create during the season of gluttony, that does NOT involve food
• And if the activity or tradition DOES involve food– make sure it’s WORTH it. Make sure it’s truly satisfying.

And don’t hog all the peanut butter cups.

Finding treasures in odd places - thoughts on Foraging

(originally published by my friends at stridepost.com.  Re-printed here, for posterity, with their permission.)

Recently, after bad timing had prevented us from doing so numerous times this year, we finally made it to a foraging class.

We Drove 45 minutes to a place kind of in the middle of nowhere (in an area that is, to many, already the middle of nowhere) and enjoyed some lovely tea brewed from foraged roots and herbs, while awaiting everyone else.  About three dozen of us followed the instructor down a two track into undeveloped farm land. After which, we parked in a field, got out, covered ourselves in bug spray, and clad in long pants, long sleeve shirts and boots….

We headed out. Into the woods. The thick, totally wild, damp, buggy, woods. I am a big fan out the outdoors, but questioned my judgement as we entered. What had we signed on for?

Foraging for Treasure

I got over it fairly quickly as we wandered around for nearly three hours. Occasionally we held up finds to the instructor, to see if they were foraging trash or treasure. (The glow-in-the-dark mushrooms by the way – Not edible.  You’re welcome.) About 90 minutes in, I was asked to shake a tree. I was warned to quickly get my hands above my head to deflect whatever should fall out, after I gave the tree the requested shake. Because… why not? I shook the heck out of that tree, ducking and covering as instructed. The sound of fruit hitting the ground was very satisfying.

The next half hour was spent going from tree to tree, shaking and covering up. Oblong green fruits fell from the paw paw trees, and we all scurried around to pick them up. What looked like nothing more than wooded scrub land, dense with weeds and frequently marshy, hid an abundance of interesting edibles and medicinals.

The Result

Photo credit: Patrick Murray

When we were finally done, we went back to the farm. The instructor had already prepared some manner of stir fry from all the various mushrooms and other vegetables that she could find growing wild.   We drank more tea and ate together, three dozen dirty, smelly, sweaty, happy strangers.

I offer this tale as a reminder to all of us, my friends. Cool stuff is EVERYWHERE. You just have to work a little harder to find it, sometimes.

Giving Tuesday

(Originally published by my friends at Stridepost.com.  Re-printed here, for posterity, with their permission.)

Thanksgiving.

Black Friday.

Cyber Monday.

A long weekend of excess, of focusing, at least in part, on ones’ own wants and abundance. We celebrate the gifts that we do have, good fortune, family and food. And the very next day, sometimes that very same night, many of us GO INSANE….

The collective we, (I don’t partake) fight over televisions and dish towels and this year’s hot toys. There are always casualties.  It’s… not good. And then we all go back to work, and many of us continue this long weekend of excessive consumerism, by shopping on-line.   At least there are fewer casualties. If only a day existed during this time, that is set aside for selflessness, for doing right by others. A day for… giving, instead of obtaining.

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”― Charles Dickens 

Why it just so happens, that there IS!

It’s called Giving Tuesday.

Giving Tuesday takes place on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. It was created in 2012, for the purpose of bringing people, communities and organizations together from around the world to celebrate and encourage… giving. The giving of time, resources and talents to address local concerns.

“What we spend, we lose. What we keep will be left for others. What we give away will be ours forever.” ― David McGee

If I may get serious for a moment:

In my world, the same world as most of you who read this today, there’s been quite a bit of upheaval this month. There’s a lot of uncertainty about our future, and many people are feeling powerless and afraid. This is one of the reasons I chose to write about this topic.

“As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.”― Mary Anne Radmacher

To be able to give of yourself, in any true and meaningful way, feels… good.  And I, for one, could use a heck of a lot more of THAT in my life at the moment. So, however you may be able to do so, try to make Giving Tuesday a thing in your life. Be it via the link I’ll likely be posting at the end of this article, or some other channel.

• Call a local food bank, to see what they’re most in need of. I guarantee you they have a list by the phone.
• Blankets and towels and supplies to local animal shelter
• Talk to someone at your church for suggestions on local organizations that are in need of… you.

And feel just a little bit better about your own life.

“Giving feels good. It is a form of healing. Not just for you as an individual, but for everyone.”– Jennifer Beals

Oh, Hey! The Link!!

Getting everyone to help out around the holidays.

(Originally published by my friends at Stridepost.com  

Re-printing here, with permission.  For posterity as much as anything...)

When my family all got together for Thanksgiving, it was the usual blend of chaos, cacophony, gluttony and non-stop euchre playing.   So kinda awesome, in other words.

Yes, my favorite partner and I DID win 7-8 games in a row, but that’s not the point of this article. Not the main point, at any rate, but definitely worth noting. We OWNED the dining room table for hours, stopping our dominance only because it was time to eat.   In your faces, family members!!!!

Sorry. Where was I?

We gathered together as a family, and the adults did all of the cooking and prep and table setting and serving and post-meal cleaning up. While all the kids, my own included, contributed little to the cause. No cooking, no prep, no table setting, no dish washing. (Except for my eldest niece, she’s a big fan of making pies…) This did not dawn on us until much later, long after we could have done anything to change it.

They did EXACTLY what we asked them to do. Nothing. Not asking them to help out with, in this example, tasks needed to make a big family dinner a success? This not at all unusual, it turns out.

As I write this, my daughter, who can be, to quote a friend of ours “A bit like a BB bouncing around in a tin bucket”, just dried the dishes and helped clean the kitchen. Because we needed to put her on a task, any task, until we’re ready to start decorating for Christmas, to keep her head from exploding. And she was a big help, as she will also be when we do start decorating in a few minutes. And she LIKES to help, when we remember to ask. So much so, that she’ll ask us sometimes for chores.  Especially if it means she can spend more time with us.

Crazy kid.

We’re just so used to banging stuff out quickly ourselves. It’s easier, at least initially. But… getting involved  helps kids to understand that we all need each other, that we’re all in it together.

While I remember working hard around the house when I was young, far harder than my peers (we talked about that sort of thing), I don’t remember ever struggling to fit it all in.   This struggle is far more common now, and I fully understand the need for math and violin practice to be squeezed into the narrow window of time I spend cooking a quick dinner so that we can eat and leave for riding lessons. Not really in a position to ask her to help me cook…

So we get in the habit of doing all of it, and they get in the habit of letting us.

And we miss out on opportunity to help them to become more responsible, learn life tasks, and have greater understanding of effort it takes to complete tasks.

So, this holiday season, remember to let them help bake, and clean and decorate. Ask if you need to, simply say “Yes, please.” if you don’t. Make it fun, and be patient. Everyone wins.