Thanksgiving Football

Walked through the break area this morning, and lost 2 IQ points by glancing up at FOX on the TV.   
I wasn't using those two, anyhow. Hard hitting news this morning?  All the viewers sending in messages about how they're going to ban the thanksgiving football game in their house tomorrow. 
I call bullsh*t. And not just because I LOVE that word. Which i do. A lot. I'm refraining from typing it over and over right now. 

I'm not saying a few won't actually follow through, but overall - b*llshit. 

Firstly, because.... we say shit.   All the time. We talk a good outrage, a good new life plan a good... whatever.   But the reality is, it's generally just that.   Talk.
And nothing more.
But specific to this topic - You either don't watch it to begin with, or you'll watch it. Because that's what people do, every year, automatically, on Thanksgiving;  It's a tradition, on a day built and maintained on tradition. 
If you aren't staring glassy-eyed at the TV, running in and out of the living room for scores, or simply saying "Oh, I'll eat in the living room because of space", what will you do instead? 
You're already crabby because you smashed your Keurig in solidarity with Hannity, so you had to run out and buy an actual coffee maker at the last minute because your guests are going to want coffee. You've forced yourself to be civil and grunt at one another for a couple of hours already.   
Or you'll intend not to watch, but SOMEONE(s) at your gathering will get upset because they can't watch TV, and... a TV will go on. Does it still count if it's the TV on top of the beer refrigerator in the garage? 
Yes.   

But most of you  -  NEED that football game. 
You'll watch from the very beginning, so that you can point at those opting to take a respectful knee, and make loud, probably-on-some-level-racist comments about them, and feel more patriotic the process.  Nobody fought and died for your freedom to take a knee! they did it for the flag!!!!  'Murica! You'll be doing this, by the way, from the comfort of your lazy-boy.   You won't be standing, MAGA hat removed, hand over heart, in your living room.   You will not get see the irony. 
The irony and hypocrisy WILL escape you, because your very outrage is based on your inability to understand nuance and concepts that do not fit into your narrow, privileged world view. 
And the math of the after-math will escape you as well.    If ratings drop at all from previous years, victory will be claimed, even though the # of fewer viewers will be but a very small percent of the # of folks voicing outrage.     Victory will be claimed, via tweet. 

Of COURSE all of the above is based AN OVERSIMPLIFIED VIEW OF HOW THOSE WHO HAVE A DIFFERENT WORLDVIEW THAN MINE, live their lives. 
That's kind of the point.   A harsh illustration of the fundamental wrongness of living ones' life in this manner. 
So... how about we all try to do better? 

Whatever you do, whatever traditions you hold dear or choose to discard... may your thanksgiving be a time of positive reflection and fellowship. 

Lucky.

Last week,  I didn't win a new car.
Didn't win restaurant gift certificates, or paid days off, either.
Or one of those really expensive, high quality coolers that promises to keep ice all... icey, for many days...
No reserved parking space, no 42" flatscreen...


(Sidebar.   Why do they still bother stressing that the TV is a flatscreen?  They're the only TV you can buy now.   Can't you just call 'em TV's?)

And while it's not yet official, I'd be shocked to find tomorrow that I won a 50/50 raffle, that's raising funds for a  co-worker whose wife went into labor 6 weeks early, while visiting her folks out of state, that last hurrah before parenthood.

Baby weighed three lbs at birth, and is still in the hospital.  I'm wishing them all the good luck one can wish upon another.

But as far as my own?

I do not win things.

This, you see, is how I roll.

Last weekend, I spent $2 on a square, and finally got 7 and 7.   Woot!!!!   And... four quarters of weird scores.  At least UofM lost....


You know those "you may already be a winner" messages, notes etc?
I get ones that say "Here are some things you already didn't win."
Kind of a waste of postage, if you ask me.

So, for over a quarter of a century,  I've been not winning at charity raffles, lotteries, black jack, and slot machines.  Most of the time it's for charity, so I'm just glad to contribute what I can toward a good cause.

I did win one raffle.  Once.   The grand prize.  I was the envy of a whole office building. At least a significant portion of it....   I  won a very nice set of golf irons.

I do not, oddly enough, play golf.

I can only hope that whomever re-won them at the charity golf outing to which I donated them, got more use.  I hope they walked away feeling, if just for a few minutes, like... a winner.  A lucky guy.

Oddly enough, I still feel like a pretty lucky guy.

Years ago, I caught a Master Angler size flat head catfish.
Damn thing was ginormous, took me a half hour to land.  

Pretty sweet, right?

But then you find out I was actually fishing for salmon.    And the reel I was using for the first time backlashed, and I had to spend a few minutes untangling it, and reeling it back up, and as I was doing that...I felt the fish hit.   Lucky, while unlucky, but got lucky with the unlucky part because I knew how to fix it, and then the master angler size inedible monster instead of a salmon.

Which, I found out years later, I might have a serious allergy to.  

I lost track at this point, but.... I think I was lucky.

I'm sitting here while my wife and daughter eat dinner.   My daughter whose sense of humor is becoming much like my own, and can turn a phrase perfectly, to my great appreciation.  She's amazing on, like... 17 different levels.    Occasionally maddening, but I've never lost sight of the fact that her mere existence on this planet.. lucky.

My wife who, while as equally or even more susceptible as I to the stress and uncertainty that have been our lives the last 2.5 years, has stuck it out by my side.  We're a bit singed, and scraped up, but are starting to appreciate that we finally are having the future we've been wishing for, since we moved back to MI.

Sitting in my 150 year old farmhouse, a bit beat up but beautiful and with an amazing history, watching them eat dinner because my post-work errands didn't take as long as my their post-school errands, so I ate earlier.    I got to sit in my chair and read a book for an hour.   On a weeknight!

I've got baby chickens flourishing on the front porch, that will be old enough to put outside soon, in time for winter.  We thought we were going to miss the narrow fall season on chicks, because of our full weekends of music festivals and northern island getaways.  I took a chance the day after we got back from the last weekend adventure, and... got lucky.
The store had said, weeks earlier, that they'd be done with chicks by then...
If we had not been able to get new chicks, we probably would have had to give our two remaining adult chickens away, as they, the two of them, are not enough to keep each other warm all winter.   They've little enthusiasm for the upstarts on the front porch, but they'll keep each other alive, come January.



So....  Tonite I'm reminded of fact that I do have decent, occasionally odd luck, at least sometimes.   It might be more subtle than triple 7 on a slot machine, or winning a new car through my work's United Way campaign, but I'll not turn up my nose at it.  

College rivalaries.... or something else?

Yeah, so…. I’m done with college rivalries.

Honestly, I was never all that into them to begin with.  And to the extent I WAS, it was pretty laid back, and used to continue friendships.   Like calling my friend Gretchen, half-drunk from an MSU alumni bar a few years ago, because State won.

Like that.

Not to be obnoxious (I wasn’t), or rub her face in it (I didn’t, she’s a friend), but simply because I knew we’d both laugh about it, and a way to let her know I was thinking of her,  and that’s what friends do.

I realized that I’ve grown weary of all of it, this morning.  

I was at work, and it was tailgate day because of the game tomorrow, and I was in a room fairly well populated with what are referred to as Walmart Wolverines – Those rabid supporters that have never set foot in an University of Michigan classroom, but tend to be the most obnoxious of supporters, in person, and on social media.     

Not all of them, certainly, and I want to make sure to state it for the record.  

I’ve family members that fall into this category, that of rabid fandom without having attended.  And our interactions are always friendly and courteous, when football is discussed.   Good natured, in other words.  The rivalry, in this case, gives us common ground to walk upon, albeit briefly. I value it. It’s… nice.   Or at least nice enough. 

We have differing allegiances, but it’s not such a bone of contention that it causes problems…..

But for so many, it’s not friendly nor courteous nor… nice.

“Michigan STATE?!?! I hate you!”  Was in lieu of “Good Morning”, this morning.       Meh. 

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders and moved on. 

Social media’s the worst.   

Because… it’s social media.  

Nothing curdles the milk of human kindness quicker...

You make the mistake of reading comments on a post (how many of us swore to stop doing THAT…) and are inundated with half-witted garbage men (a legit example, not making this one up) and others, who are simply nasty and insulting in their support,  and quick to name-call, quick to anger, and quick to say “Oh yeah, well what about that one time that OSU or MSU or…anyone not UofM’s player did that one bad thing….” .

Rinse, lather, repeat.  X 1,000,000.

It’s gotten old, has no real positive purpose, serves only to further divide us, and I’m weary of it.

“Is he still talking about college rivalries?”  You may ask.

Would you have asked that, two years ago?  

To be honest, that very issue is another reason why my tolerance for sports rivalry nonsense has taken a hit.    What was once good-natured ribbing has gotten ugly.

And what was once relegated to Sox vs. Cubs, Mets Vs. Yankees, UofM vs. MSU (or OSU or…), has permeated our national discourse on all topics political, scientific, and related to gun violence.   

MSU vs. UofM... a microcosm, if you will.

    

And after the last week... I'm simply weary of it.

So, I hope everyone enjoys the game, and are friendly and good natured in their post-game gloating.

Go green!  

Helping your kids to feel safe, in troubled times........

(another article I originally wrote for stridepost.com.  I re-publish it here, with their friendly thumbs up.)

So, there’s been a lot going on in the world, of late, much of it worrisome. What was once unheard of, has become a regular occurrence.

Depending on how much exposure to the world’s affairs your kids have, you likely are finding yourselves having conversations with them that you never thought you’d have to have.

As parents, we want to make sure our kids feel loved, valued, and safe.

I had a long talk about this with my daughter, as I held her in my arms when she was just a couple of hours old.

Promises were made. 

So, nine years later, to the day… How to help your kids feel safe.

A very helpful article from PBS.org suggests several common sense ways to help with this, a couple of which really stood out for me.

• Turn off the media.  24 hour news channels love a good tragedy. It’s unhealthy for us, as adults, to watch too much coverage, it’s even more so for our kids.

• Don’t avoid answering questions, but don’t over do it on unnecessary details. It’s a good idea, when doing so, to ask them what they’ve heard, first.

Another article about keeping kids feeling safe in stressful times offers up a couple more useful pieces to the puzzle.

• Encourage your kids to express their fears and concerns. Be it by talking about them, drawing them or writing about them. Their increased understanding about themselves and what’s making them feel the way they feel, is valuable.

• Offer hope, and assure them you’re in it together.

Common threads throughout the above articles and others, like this one emphasize the reassuring nature of maintaining your routine; the value of a little extra attention and affection; and if your kids are old enough, talking with them about possible actions or activities in which they can take part, so they feel less powerless.

Most of the topics I’ve been asked to write about over the last year or so, share an important theme.

Your kids are watching you.   They learn from watching you. They take their queues from watching you.   When they’re worried, they’re not just listening to what you’re telling them, they’re watching you. Show them confidence and assurance. Your verbal reassurance will not carry weight if you don’t. This is, frequently, easier said than done, but…

Promises were made.

Your face will not freeze like that....

(another piece of mine, originally published by stridepost.com, re-printed here, for posterity, with their official okely dokely.)

 I realized something, recently.

As parents, we’ve broken the chain.
The generations-old chain of passing on scary falsehoods to our kids.

They’re going back in the water right after eating now!
They’ll never know that their face may “freeze like that”.
If they swallow gum, it won’t stay in their stomachs for seven years.
And they’re likely not going to go blind, at least not for the reasons about which we were warned.

That whole “Waiting an hour to go swimming” story?

It’s been around for at least a century. 

But is likely not as vital to our continued existence as we were made to believe.
When you think of all the time wasted as a child, gazing with longing at the water…. I’m sorry.
Truly.

And I was right there with you,
Solidarity, my friends!

Once you realize that you won’t immediately die if you don’t wait an hour after eating or drinking to go back in the water, your whole world can open up.

“They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about, so Why NOT juggle fire while riding a unicycle? “

And while it might not be a surprise to any of you at this point, let me be clear about something. Your face will not freeze in any position that you voluntarily put it. Unless you have one of two neurological disorders.   
If you do not suffer from Spasmodic Toricollis, or Blepharospasm, you’ll probably be ok.

And while your digestive system does not break down gum like it would food, It does keep it moving along the digestive tract, like anything else.

Accurate nor not, these were some of the safety warnings of our youth, probably because they were the safety warnings of our parents’ youth.

But at some point, I have to think that my dad would have jumped off the rocks into the stream, at his favorite swimming hole (One he showed us many years later) right after eating or drinking, and realized he had been fed an untruth.

So why pass them along?

He ate, he swam, he did not get a cramp and immediately sink and drown… Probably more than once.   So… Why?

Perhaps to give us a time out, a bit of chill time to catch our breaths and calm down a bit?   Or to give themselves a break from having to keep an eye on us?

Or were we told these things as a way to ease us into the notion that our parents were fallible?
“We do what we can to keep you safe, and to keep your face from freezing, and to keep you from going blind, but at the end of the day… we’re imperfect.”?

Or, less profound, and more likely, they did so, simply because it’s what they heard, when they were kids.

Regardless, we haven’t passed these chestnuts on to my daughter.

But she knows we do what we can to keep her safe, and she certainly knows we’re imperfect.

But we keep working at it.

Fighting the season of gluttony.

(my friends at stridepost.com originally published this and other articles I wrote.  I'm re-printing them here, for posterity, with their okey dokey.)

That time of year is quickly drawing near. The wonderful time of generosity and abundance, of sharing what you have with others. Yes, my friends, leftover Halloween candy season is just around the corner. It’s just the beginning of our annual season of gluttony, a season that stretches from Halloween thru the end of the year. That’s why everyone vows to make lifestyle changes on January 1.

A few years ago, I instituted lifestyle changes on October 1. It was glorious and as I was committed. I skated through gluttony season un-scathed, a feat I’ve not been able to replicate in recent years. In part because, as I shared with you last fall. I’m a big fan of cookies. My weakness for treats like cookies is why I’m looking at ways to avoid the snare of gluttony season this year.

Gluttony is a lust of the mind. – Thomas Hobbes

Control Availability

The single best tip I’ve seen thus far is to, simply stated – be really choosey, especially when you’re some place like the office, where you don’t control availability. If you’re not going to really, truly enjoy that dilapidated fun-size snicker, or dull tasting factory made Christmas cookie – Then DON’T eat it. I find myself wondering why I bothered, about 90% of the time. (The other 10% of the time, I’m eating a peanut butter cup with my coffee, or enjoying a Tootsie Pop, way more than I probably should be. )

It all starts with Halloween. When I was younger than my daughter is now, we were sent out into the neighborhood, with no guidance. Our candy collecting was tempered only by our continued enthusiasm for the act of it. Left to our devices, it became boring after a bit. As did, to be honest, gorging on the spoils of our efforts, when we finally came home. Much like that factory Christmas cookie and that dilapidated fun-size candy bar, the IDEA of it was far more exciting than the reality of it. A couple days later, the stuff we really liked was gone, and what was left… eventually got thrown out. Which is the same sad end my daughter’s Halloween (and easter) candy comes to, year in and out.

We try not to be too controlling, when it comes to her candy consumption. Our family does have some guidelines and some rules. We don’t want her to think we don’t trust her, or that it’s a bad thing.   It’s easier said than done sometimes, but we do want her to be able to be self-controlling as she grows up. But, in part due to the layout of our cupboards and counters in our crazy-old farm house, the candy ends up out of sight.   And… it’s forgotten about, largely. (This is another great tip, in itself, for besting the season of gluttony.)

Basically, the best plan is to control what you can, where you can.

• What other fun can you offer at Halloween, besides hours of trick or treating? (Petty vandalism is NOT a better option, by the way.)
• What physical activity outlets and fun family traditions can you create during the season of gluttony, that does NOT involve food
• And if the activity or tradition DOES involve food– make sure it’s WORTH it. Make sure it’s truly satisfying.

And don’t hog all the peanut butter cups.

Finding treasures in odd places - thoughts on Foraging

(originally published by my friends at stridepost.com.  Re-printed here, for posterity, with their permission.)

Recently, after bad timing had prevented us from doing so numerous times this year, we finally made it to a foraging class.

We Drove 45 minutes to a place kind of in the middle of nowhere (in an area that is, to many, already the middle of nowhere) and enjoyed some lovely tea brewed from foraged roots and herbs, while awaiting everyone else.  About three dozen of us followed the instructor down a two track into undeveloped farm land. After which, we parked in a field, got out, covered ourselves in bug spray, and clad in long pants, long sleeve shirts and boots….

We headed out. Into the woods. The thick, totally wild, damp, buggy, woods. I am a big fan out the outdoors, but questioned my judgement as we entered. What had we signed on for?

Foraging for Treasure

I got over it fairly quickly as we wandered around for nearly three hours. Occasionally we held up finds to the instructor, to see if they were foraging trash or treasure. (The glow-in-the-dark mushrooms by the way – Not edible.  You’re welcome.) About 90 minutes in, I was asked to shake a tree. I was warned to quickly get my hands above my head to deflect whatever should fall out, after I gave the tree the requested shake. Because… why not? I shook the heck out of that tree, ducking and covering as instructed. The sound of fruit hitting the ground was very satisfying.

The next half hour was spent going from tree to tree, shaking and covering up. Oblong green fruits fell from the paw paw trees, and we all scurried around to pick them up. What looked like nothing more than wooded scrub land, dense with weeds and frequently marshy, hid an abundance of interesting edibles and medicinals.

The Result

Photo credit: Patrick Murray

When we were finally done, we went back to the farm. The instructor had already prepared some manner of stir fry from all the various mushrooms and other vegetables that she could find growing wild.   We drank more tea and ate together, three dozen dirty, smelly, sweaty, happy strangers.

I offer this tale as a reminder to all of us, my friends. Cool stuff is EVERYWHERE. You just have to work a little harder to find it, sometimes.