Purloined sirloin

The man’s doorbell rang while he and his family were eating dinner last night.

His dog barked, of course.
The man answered the door.

He sees a younger guy, probably late 20's, in a t-shirt, shorts and boots, standing in his front yard, about 8 feet back from the front steps, staring at the lawn.

He looked up when the man came to the door, but made no effort to come back up the stairs.

The man stood there and waited, staring at his visitor, making no effort to open the door.
He already knew he didn’t want to talk to the gentleman standing in his yard.

Finally, after confirming that his dog was secured, he opened the door.

The visitor made no effort to come back up the stairs, so the man had to practically yell to converse with his visitor.

“You rang my doorbell?”

And without introducing himself, the visitor jumped right in with..

"I, uh… I work for a distribution company in the loop and... Uh.... You like meat?"
"Do I like meat??"

"You know, do a lot of grilling, stuff like that?"

WTF???

"No." The man answered honestly.

"C'mon, you cook up steaks, burgers?"

"No, we're vegetarians."
(Actually 2/3 accurate, the man’s wife and daughter are vegetarians)

"Oh, bullshit!!! your nose is growing!"

REALLY??? Good sales technique there, sparky. You must have taken classes.

"No bullshit."

“What about seafood, fish and shrimp?”

The man thought about all the times he’d ask his wife if he could buy a BB gun, and she said no…

“You’re actually interrupting my dinner. We’re having beans and rice and vegetables.”

"Seriously?"


The man looked up and down the block, saw a white delivery van parked two doors down on the street, It was obvious that the gentleman on his lawn, the one not making eye contact and behaving in an aggressive manner, was going door to door, trying to sell (assumedly) stolen meat.

The man wished he had a sprinkler system, with a remote starter.
Or a dog he trusted to NOT run off.

He had always wanted to be able to say “Release the Hounds!” like Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons, and then… actually have hounds released. Maybe someday…

"Seroiusly.” The man answered, showing great restraint.

“And it's getting cold."

"Fair enough."

And the man shut the door on him, and went back to his now cold dinner.

Should he have called the police? Behaved less civilly toward the goofball in his front yard? He wasn't sure.

But he was pretty sure he didn't want to buy meat out of the back of some random guy's van....