Airports and such.

So, I’m sitting at C3 at O’Hare airport, waiting to fly to Detroit for a conference.

Aprox. 18 hours ago, I landed in Midway, having been on a trip to see my wife’s mom for a few days. 

By the time I get back to the office on Thursday afternoon, I will have been on six different planes in eight days.  And walked through 5 airports...

Between work and trips to see family, I probably only log 4-5 round trips via air a year, which isn’t that much flying, compared to many.

But the thing is – I hate it.   Not the “paralyzed with fear that I’ll crash and die and they won’t be able to find a big enough piece to ID me” kind of hate.

More the” hurry up and wait and take your shoes and belt off and lug your shit a city block through crowds of people that all appear to have their heads up their asses, so you go sit on a bench for an hour” kind of way.

Whilst spending large sums of money to be treated shabbily.   

Hey you just dropped $500 to fly with us.  Here’s a tiny bag of pretzels, a small plastic cup of water and…. WIFI will cost you.

 I live in fear of the day when they realize they can charge you for the security check,  and that toilet paper will be sold by the square. 

While not traveling as much as some, I sit here at gate C3, on the blue vinyl bench, having just ate my (overpriced) lunch out of my lap, pondering the numbers.

I’ve spent time, as far as I can recall, in the following airports.

Chicago O’hare, Chicago Midway, Tucson AZ, Hartford CT, Detroit Metro, Atlanta, Atlanta Atlanta..sorry.. St Thomas AVI, Miami, Memphis,Lansing,  Houston, New Orleans, Dallas (Love Field I think), Savannah GA, Indianapolis, Ottawa ON,Toronto ON, Shannon Airport in Ireland, Dublin Airport Ireland, Orlando FL, Pensacola FL, Gulfport MS, Washington DC (Reagan)…  

So 24 airports, and I probably missed a couple there somewhere.   Like it matters.   My point’s made.  

I’ve spent way more time in way more airports than I’d like.   Even though I like the convenience and efficiency of flying.

Lessee, so far today, just since clearing security…

I’ve had d 3 different people walk right into me in the last hour, because they were on their phones and can’t talk and pay attention at the same time.  I’d hate to be next to them on the highway.  I was standing off to the side at the time, near.. nothing.    I’ve had 2 people stop dead in front of me, in the middle of the concourse, in traffic in otherwords, to make a call.   Apparently the call could not wait for them to step aside, out of traffic. 

And while in security line, the woman behind me bumped into me so many times, I had to tell her to stop, and had to make sure she wasn’t trying to steal my wallet.   When I told her to stop, she acted surprised, like she had no idea she had bumped me >10 times in <5 minutes.="" nbsp="" o:p="">

Space people.  Personal Space.   You’re invading Patrick Land, and I do not like it.

Oh and I’ve eaten a crappy lunch from a restaurant I Never eat at, except when I’m at an airport. 

Soon it will be time to board, and everyone will surge toward the gate, regardless of whether it’s time for them to board.   There will be at least 2 people that will appear to have never ever been on an airplane before, and incapable of understanding how seats and rows are laid out.  The little map will confuse them.  They will sit in the wrong row AND the wrong seat.   It’ll be time to leave, they’ll announce that everyone needs to turn their crap off, and the flight attendant will still have to tell some self-involved jack wagon to… turn his crap off.

                                                                                               

My daughter LOVES to fly.   She loves the airplane ride, the airports, saying hi to…everyone.  She loves the turbulence, the view out the window, the take off, the landing..

 It’s all one big amusement park ride for her.   Whereas for me, it’s the 75 minute wait in line in 90 degree heat, behind some foul mouthed cracker, to get ON that amusement park ride.   

And I'm jealous, as I often am, of her simple and innocent and non-jaded outlook on life.

Many hours later.......   We boarded, three people didn't know their numbers or letters

Plane was too full for all the carry ons, so mine ended up being stowed in baggage. And then... we set for almost an hour, without access to electronic devices, and without any indication whatsoever as to why we were just... sitting there.  No extra beverage, no pretzels (at all, for the entire flight,cheap b*stards) , no cool air nor announcements nor apologies.....    

My daughter probably would have been cool with it.