FB hijacks, special education dogs, and you can only get so wet.

 So, a couple weekends ago, I got FB jacked.

Got an email on saturday from FB, stating someone had tried to access my account, and if it wasn't me, let them know.

So I did.

And the next morning I received several more emails from FB, stating that they had shut me down, for violating FB guidelines.   

Although it was not me, it was the person who jacked me.

Now, I get almost daily notifications that the person who jacked me is paying for their FB ads, manually.

In Arabic currency.

So that's going well, I think.

Got jacked, not long after bringing Maggie home from dog rescue. She's sweet, and house trained and loves having her ears scratched,  and is convinced that I'm going to torture her, about 2/3 of the time.

Which is an improvement from 3/4 of the time, where we started when she came home.

She doesn't seem to know what to do with herself.   She'll just stand in the middle of the room, staring off into space.   or walk a few laps 'round my little house.    

She'll beg to go out moments after coming in.   if we're outside on the deck, she'll walk right past us and scratch on the door to go inside.     She's... special.

I blame her small head.  she's built kinda like a dinosaur.....

Last night was my daughter's first high school half time marching band performance.

it was 90 and sunny and humid as fuck, when I left my house to drive the 10 miles or so to her high school.   I remembered head covering, and was pounding the fluids on the way, to stay hydrated.

15 minutes later, i pull into the overflowing parking lot and...it's all cloudy.

Before end of first quarter, it started raining.  and it just kept getting worse.

shortly before the half, it was actually raining sideways. 

but by god, we were going to stay to watch them march, even if we spend 2nd half in our cars.

with seconds left in the half.... thunder and lightning.   We all bolted from the metal stands, as wet as we possibly could be, as the game was called.  

Standing in the rain, I removed my soaking wet glasses and wiped them on my soaking wet t-shirt, earning an odd glance or two from the folks next to me. 

         "I don't feel like I need to explain my art to you, Warren" - Empire Records

45 minutes later, they finally let the band kids go home.  

we walked, soaked to the bone, squelching with each step, out of the high school.   

Only to discover it had just stopped raining.   We get to the car, where i open the hatch to grab a beach blanket, for my daughter and I to sit on.  

On top of the beach blanket?   An umbrella.   

a goddamn umbrella........

We get home, to discover it hadn't rained a drop.     

God laughs.

Peace signs and that one spot....

There's this spot, on my default walking route.

Default, cuz I tend to walk it when I'm on the clock, and want to bang out some hills and about 1.4 miles in 30 minutes, which is my version of a lunch break when I'm working remotely.

So there's this spot....

A little grassy area, with a picnic table.  Behind what was a KFC, soon to be a chain coffee place. on a glorified alley, a small winding street that exists only for the handful of houses on it.  it's not on the way to or from anywhere.....

On a couple of occasions, soon after I started walking this route, I was  hit up for change by various sad sacks sitting at the table.... Only took a couple of times before I started swinging wide, and not making eye contact, whenever I'd see someone sitting there.

So there's this spot... 

As I neared it the other day, an older, kind of disheveled fella was walking toward me on the street, from the opposite direction.  

"Man. Here we go. Don't make eye contact..."   

As we got closer to one another, he nervously, of all things, flashed me the peace sign.

I can say without exaggeration that, having missed the 60's (I was 2, I believe, when Woodstock happened), I've not oft been flashed the peace sign by random passersby.

I smiled and nodded at him.  Standard acknowledgement, when passing other walkers....

He looked a bit more anxious.

The peace sign came out again, almost pushed at me this time. 

"Good morning." I say, politely, still smiling, still walking.

And... Peace sign a 3rd time.  Ironically he almost looked mad.

At this spot, on my default walking route.

And then we were past one another.  

Entire exchange from beginning to end, including the greeting, the nodding, all the smiling, and all three peace signs?  

maybe 10 seconds. 

Fuck, people.  I didn't flash him the peace sign back.     Because, for same reason I've not oft been flashed the peace sign by random passersby....    I've not oft flashed the peace sign at random passersby.   

Coincidence?!?!

I think not.

A few hundred words ago, I thought I knew where this was going.  And now I'm realizing it didn't quite end up there.   It happens.  Maybe it's just one of those "moment of my day" dealies, but with greater emphasis on audience and structure.

Maybe that's all there is to this one.

Oh, wait...

A reminder to be good, your own way.   Be kind, your own way.

You do you, Boo Boo.

Don't worry about conforming to someone else's deluded beliefs, as to what constitutes good and bad. 

There it is! 

sort of.

ish.

Oh, and.... peace.

Fireworks, flashlights, and frozen feet

 Good day, friends.

Laptop's half dead, coffee's hot, and my feet are freezing.

let's get funky.

Laptop's half dead.

    So about 9:45 or so last night, as I was headed to bed, there were... fireworks.

Random, but ok.    Until we realized what we had heard, and saw through the curtains, wasn't fireworks.  It was a transformer blowing, right in front of my house.   We realized this, when I went into the bathroom and turned the light on and nothing happened....

well... damn.  

within moments, Consumer's energy was all over it, texting me.... 4 times to let me know there was a power outage.   Where were they BEFORE I walked into the bathroom?

So electronics were unplugged, and I wandered thru my dark house, to where I knew I had, at some point, tossed some flashlights.   

Still in the package.   

with the batteries taped..

But there are no such things as problems, I'm told, only opportunities. 

Eventually, I handed out now-working flashlights; told my almost 14 year old that she was ready for the truth, and that flashlights are not, as she assumed for so long, toys; found a portable light in the same drawer w/ flashlights, put that in the bathroom, and went to bed.

Woke up this morning to power, lots of blinking clocks, and several emails from the internet company, letting me know they had detected an outage, and were, apparently, struggling to fix it.  

Hey, call the electric company.   They may have some insight into the problem.....

blinking clocks are fixed, phones and laptops are plugged back in, and life moves on apace.

Kid's still asleep, which she should be, at 7:30 on a saturday morning.  My house is 64 degrees, and my feet are freezing.  but if I turn on the furnace, it'll get loud and warm.   She's snug and happy and asleep, so.... I'll find a pair of slippers.

Coffee WAS hot, when I started this.      And then I decided to soak my feet in it....

  

Sun's up, mmm hmm, look's ok... the world survives into another day.....

 Good morning, sports fans.   Been a bit.  Hope everyone's ok out there this morning. 

This morning's ramblings are brought to you by caffeine, and Bruce Cockburn's  1979 classic, Wonder Where The Lions Are.

Or does one only underline Book Titles?    should I have used italics?   Believe it or not, I used to know the writing rules about such things.    But, to borrow from my girlfriend, now my brain's just full of '80's song lyrics.  

  

Regardless - give it a listen.

Wow,.

off to a random, rambling start.     

Feels good.    

Kid's asleep, full cup of coffee.... you know the drill.
let's do this.

Yeah, it's been a bit.   Got to the point where after 5 days of sitting in front of my laptop, the idea of doing so again on a weekend morning, full cup of coffee..... seemed a bit too much....

Lots of things seemed a bit too much. 

on occasion, damn near everything.   

but only on occasion.   

But, as it turns out, doing nothing at all to change this, results in not much being changed.

damnedest thing.

So, baby steps.   

I started reading a lot more, and watching TV a lot less.  

Forced myself to pick up the guitar more often.  

I bought a new mattress. 

planned a couple little adventures. 

made a conscious effort to approach stuff with a more positive, pro-active attitude. 

showered.(kidding.  It was never THAT bad)

I've written about situational depression before.   What happens when the situation just keeps going? 

anyhow...

So, after my winter of discontent (every winter), spring is beginning to... spring.
Outside, too.  

Cuz I'm vaxxed and waxed and ready for action!

Just kidding.  I'm not waxed.

as far as you know.

But I saw that quote somewhere, and it amused the shit out of me, so I'm gonna keep using it.   

You've been warned. 

So, vaxxed.    

Fully, now.  

I found myself oddly emotional, when I got my first dose.  I took a moment to just thank the person who jabbed me in the arm.   

And then went and sat in the plus sized lingerie area of Meijer for 15 minutes.

until security escorted me out.

kidding.   I don't know why they put all the chairs in THAT department.      

And you'd think, after 15 minutes, I'd have come up with a good set up/punchline for plus size camo pattern brassieres.   Something about them blending in, or not being able to find them; or maybe about how they should come with a bright orange hat, so you'll be safe in the woods during deer season without a shirt....

But no.    Clearly, I was off my game.

three weeks later, got the 2nd one, spending another 15 minutes staring at camo bras.  Don't judge.

You know you're living sub-optimally when you don't even know it's kicked your ass, cuz you're already on the damn couch.     

And then you say "It's beautiful, let's take a big walk" to a friend, and your  respective kids.   And a mile in, you want to die.   When just a week before, two miles wouldn't have been a blip on your radar.

Surprise, you lazy, depressed bastard!

I'm going to go, lie down over there.... just cover me with sticks and leaves.....

But now that I'm vaxxed (and waxed! and ready for action!),  it's time to start up live music again.   

Cuz it's all about me.

Cuz it's all about me.... goddamn, I'm tired of seeing that, hearing that, reading that.    It takes many shapes and forms, but at the root of all of those.... it's all about selfishness.  

I mention this only because it's been 13 months since we shut down.   

13 months, and we still have lots of folks....

• demanding their children return maskless to schools, as we, in MI, are in the middle of a spike worse than anywhere else in the country..... See, cuz MASKS aren't safe....   
• physically attacking store employees for trying to enforce policy.
• trying to score political points by poorly arguing science with scientists on the floor of the senate.  

That was just thursday.

Or was it Wednesday?   They all blend together.

yeah, people.    They ruin everything...

Time to wrap this up.   There are chores, and the sun is shining, and my coffee's ice fucking cold, and I feel pretty good about all of it.

And not JUST because I'm vaxxed and waxed and ready for action. 

Ted Cruz, simple dooshbaggery vs. complicated dooshbaggery, and being around people....

So, Ted Cruz.

Decides to leave the country, whilst his constituents freeze, without electricity and water.

See, cuz his house was cold.

And only when he was caught doing so, after instructing his office not to comment on his whereabouts, and the shit started to hit the fan, did he quick fly home, and began lying to everyone.

Why THIS?   Why is THIS news?   Why the outrage over this, compared to, say, our collective outrage over his involvement in January's insurrection?

At the end of the day, I believe it's simply because it's more relatable. 

It's more obviously a doosh move, without it being complicated, or nuanced.   

Most americans can see it for what it is.  without having to strain at all.    we don't like to strain.

It's a lay up.

And my goodness, it's a rich tale.   "Friends" leaking texts to the NYT, the airline's opened an investigation to see who leaked his travel info... there's mention of a neglected poodle, a cherished family pet left behind to fend for itself in the freezing home......

Ted's a craven piece of shit.   This is public knowledge.  His own party hates him, he's the most hated man in the senate for several years in a row now.... his friends obviously don't like him very much, either.  

he's already fundraising for his next presidential run....

going out in the world a bit more than has been the norm, 'lo these last 11 months. 

Kid has a robotics competition today, about 50 minutes north of where I live.    I was impressed with their safety measures, so told her she could be one of the two, I believe, team members to be at the competition. 

In the last week or so, it's gone (13 year old relayed this info) from being at 7am in Grand Haven, to what ended up being 11:30 in SW grand rapids.  

um... 11:30 only half as far away is way better.   It allows me to still love my child, whilst supporting her interest in robotics.   

"Hey, you could go to Cabela's and Duluth Trading and....."  I was told. 

yeah, I know.   I could.....

But geezus, I've no interest in doing any of that.  

I just ordered toilet bowl cleaner from Amazon, for fuck's sake.   

I go to the grocery store that has 4 aisles, once a week at opening. 

I've spent the last 10 months driving around rural michigan, so that I could feel like I was out and part of the bigger picture, without actually having to be around.... people. 

 

My biggest gripe about winter is that I can't be outside for as long, because outside is where it's safe to be,  for... people.  

friends.  

conversations, laughter... maybe a little guitar.....

outside.   

not inside. 

Cabela's sounds... daunting. 

And as I want for nothing, wonderfully unnecessary.  

I've electricity and water and gas and food, and Ted Cruz is not my senator.     

At least for today - I'm good. 

   

Assumed names, and richer tales

 My grandmother was about 90 years old, when she told me that she was not the woman I always thought she was.

Attention grabbed?    Good.

Sitting there in a lawn chair, sporting a straw hat, under the protective shade of a tree near my village's playing fields where my (at the time) very young nephew was playing t-ball, or what passed as soccer.

She was just happy to be outside, and around family, and was chatty.  

And told me the tale of growing up with a very ethnic name in southern OH, and how eventually, she just decided a different name was the way to go,   Southern OH not being the enlightened place a century ago, that I'm sure it is now.

So the name I knew her under, was, essentially, made up.  And moreover, she never legally changed it.

Record keeping was not what it is today, 100 years ago.  

weird.

And married my grandfather; raised two children; and had a full and long life...under an alias, apparently.

She did this long before social security was a thing.

Eventually, her "name" was simply everywhere.   driver's license, Soc Sec (when it became a thing), marriage license, birth certs.

And everything matched. 

learning this did not, of course, change how I felt about her, nor made me question, well... anything, really.  Except old school record keeping.

It was simply a story that made the bigger story of her life just a bit more rich.   My tiny little grandma (was she even 5' tall?) who cursed when playing cards; and who could crack your ribs with a hug... assumed name.

just seemed a little... badass, in it's way.

Had occasion, last night, to listen to another person talk about their life.   And as it happened to be my dad, he was talking about my life as well. 

Recently recovered from Covid, he was very happy to be able to share a meal and blow out candles, for his birthday.  

So my girlfriend and I took him what I remembered to be a favorite meal from a favorite pub that offers curbside, and a small chocolate cake w/ candles. 

Because of how we all distance w/ pandemic, my girlfriend had not had an opportunity to just sit and talk to him and ask him questions.  Until last night.

I sat back, and listened to the story of how we came to be in SW MI when I was not quite 4 years old. 

I knew the broadstrokes, of course.   The w's and the one H.  

But last night I learned of him staying in a boarding house in a dicey neighborhood, when he moved here ahead of his family to start the job that brought us to MI. About how his interview with the franchisee owner in Lansing was NOT an interview, but just a chat, really, because they had agreed not to poach any of the managers from any of the stores they had briefly owned in OH, as one of the terms of them getting out of that deal.

And was reminded about how he thought we'd be moving to Muskegon, until the very last minute when a manager at a Kalamazoo store had a heart attack.  

And then for the very first time, I listened to him talk about his interview to get a job with the KFD, and having to explain to the folks why he was willing to take a pay cut(!!!) from managing a take out fried fish restaurant to join the department.

Again, all of this served to make the story I KNEW, a richer one.   

Who doesn't love a good, rich story?

I've known for a long time, that encouraging people to tell their stories is the quickest way to break ice, to make someone feel like they matter, to keep conversation going....  

I learned in a Dale Carnegie class that I was right.  People love to hear their names on someone else's lips, and they notice when you make a point to ask them about themselves.

Shit's basic, really.     

But at the same time, I learned a long time ago to pay attention.  If those same folks don't make any effort to do the same with you... I don't give 'em more than a couple chances.    One sided and self involved don't take long to spot.  

But, anyhow,  in being someone that likes to know the history, the HOW of things, my girlfriend gave my dad a great birthday present, yesterday.    And in watching him share tales with her, I got a little something, too.   

A richer tale. 

Matilda, adulting, and situational depression.

 So, there's this song.....

And it's on the Matilda soundtrack.  

It's brilliant altogether, as is the entire play.   

But this song, WHEN I GROW UP, rarely fails to stir emotions.  Singing along in the car, and Tim Minchin (wrote the play and the music for it) swerves you,  and your throat closes up a bit and......

Sneaky bastard.....

• My dad has covid.
• last week it was my sister in law, before that it was my brother.
• my girlfriend, whom I love, is just coming off 14 days isolating.  thank god she's ok, at least. she was told she had been exposed at work.  who in turn would not pay her to stay home until she found out if she had it or not.....
• My mom's been in the hospital for 6+ weeks, with very serious, non-covid related issues.  

I mention all of this not for sympathy, but more to highlight that this is where a whole bunch of our lives are at right now, every day.   

             When I grow up,
                I will be strong enough to carry all the heavy things You have to haul around with you
                When you're a grown up

And isn't it all just exhausting?

I fully realize that my list, while seeming like a LOT to ME, is likely not as severe a list as many of you have at the moment.    

But I hit a wall, this morning, after talking with my dad, and listening to him sound ok, and listening to him breathe well, and talk about conference call with his doctors, and such.

hung up, and just lost my shit.

by myself.

at my desk.

in my living room.

My sis, god love her ( I certainly do ), simply reminded me that adulting is very hard right now.  

                And when I grow up 
                I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight
                Beneath the bed each night
                to be a grown up

Talked at length with a coworker yesterday.  As has been the case of late, you start out talking about work, then just catch up with one another, because you've not seen nor spoken to them in quite awhile, and you USED to share your lives with one another, and enjoyed doing so....

He mentioned a situation with his dad, similar to my mom's.   And uncertainty and frustration and all the stuff that goes along with THAT, in the midst of family members dealing with covid.

I shared my situation.    He asked me if I knew what situational depression was, because he's finding himself struggling with it for the first time in his life.

And the lightbulb went off.

Yeah, buddy!

  

I know what that is.  It's been 2 years since I last recognized it in myself, and was 3 years before THAT when I really became familiar with the concept...

the pure joy of feeling that recede, when the situation that's causing it resolves itself, is... wonderous.

But, fuck.   it's a pandemic.  When will THIS situation resolve itself?

adulting is very hard right now.

To refer to Matilda again,  the heavy things and the monsters are... heavier, and more monstrous than we ever thought we'd have to deal with, I'm guessing.

day

after

day

after 

day.....

                And when I grow up
                    I will be smart enough to answer all the questions
                    That you need to know the answers to
                    Before you're grown up

Turns out... nope.   Not even close. 

 

At least I didn't wake up on the day of the final after not going to class all term... just dreamt that I did.....