Namaste, magnificent beasts.
It's Saturday morning, my daughter's still asleep, I've got a half cup of extremely good coffee...
Let's drive it like it's stolen.
That sounds so badass. Time to underwhelm.
First, a scary tale.
It's Halloween. and the election's in 4 days, and there's a pandemic, and I wake up most days and say a little prayer that my job will last another couple years, at least.
Boo! scary!
But it's the reality on the ground. It's our world, at the moment. And I'm no longer limber enough to bend far enough over to stick my head all the way into the ground, so...
After two straight nights of insomnia, I gave up Thursday morning, sneaking out of bed and bedroom in hopes that my absence would secure my girlfriend another hour or two of sleep.
I was scheduled to work a 2nd shift on the factory floor later in the day, - conscripted more accurately. And still had to keep on top of the job they actually pay me to do.
Which meant that this little experiment in keeping production costs down was fucking up my third daughter weekend in a row. While I understand the logic behind the decision, I don't have to like it.
I just have to show up.
At least the physical recovery time has gotten better. I'm not sore for days any more....
Being sad and exhausted and dreading the day to come, is not necessary the best time to reflect on one's life, as it turns out.
the things you learn.
"Thin".
That's what I came up with, eyes welling up, on the couch the other morning at 5:30. Judge if you want. Glass houses and all that....
Life's gotten kinda of fucking thin, this year.
The spices and herbs and yummy chunks of things are missing from the stew.
Anyone else dealing with this?
betcha.
The stuff that used to balance the other stuff is simply absent now. And the potential new stuff is like... artificial sweetener. a veggie burger patty. Little Ceasar's pizza....
virtual FB live concerts, church via zoom... a hundred other similar things....
They are what they are, but they're not like the "real things" they're replacing.
So it's all starting to feel a little gruel-y. Or more likely, it's been getting gruel-y for awhile, and I simply noticed and gave it a name.
So: "Thin" - anyone?
Conversely, anyone else, besides my anti social hermit friends, feel like their lives have become full, compared to 10 months ago? Or at the very least, NOT LESS full?
Concerts and restaurants and hugs and church with real people and beers with friends and..... anyone happy to be done with all of THAT?
Gruel is not the comfort, that stew was. And it's a time right now where feeling comforted is a lot harder to come by than it used to be.
Anyone wanna toss me an amen on that one?
- But my morning of discontent is 48 hours old.
- my daughter is awake (subs "what's for breakfast?" for "good morning" sometimes, but I'll keep her). I'm happy with the time I DO have with her this weekend.
- sun's out
- coffee's phenomonal
- Girlfriend and I will be safely socializing with others later. maybe playing a little guitar around a fire
- Girlfriend. 💜💜💜
- fall splendor
Maybe not too gruel-y after all...
I've had constant reminders the last couple of weeks, about what happens when you give up.
when you simply stop bothering. Whether by intent or by gradual accident.
A never-ending cautionary tale, if you will.
It shook the shit out of me, to say the least, and continues to.
"Guess it comes down to a simple choice. Get busy living, or get busy dying."
Not such a simple choice for everyone, as it turns out. But for me....
I accept the gruel. mmmm…. Gruel. more please!
And I will continue to work toward thickening and flavoring it up again.
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