toys

I've been Simpson's fan since it began airing 20 years ago.
The annual Tree House of Horrors episodes around Halloween have always been some of my favorites.

One of the best was an episode titled "Clown Without Pity".
(Yeah, I DID have to look the title up.)

In it, Homer runs out at the last minute to buy Bart a birthday present, ends up getting him a "cursed" Talking Krusty the Clown doll.

Which ends up going all "Chucky" and chases Homer around the house with a butcher knife.
This goes on until a repairmen flips the evil Krusty over, and realized it had been set to the "evil" function, flipped the switch over to "Good" and they lived happily ever after.

Why'm I mentioning this?
Cuz it's my blog, and I can do whatever I want.

Oh, wait. That's not the reason.
Here's the reason.

I have a kid now. She has many battery-operated toys. They all make a variety of sounds.
And.... they make these sounds unprompted, at random intervals, and it's damn creepy.

Was talking to my wife on the phone yesterday. She was sitting in the rocking chair in the baby's room, feeding our daughter.
All the sudden, I heard a noise in the background.

"what the ???" my wife says.
Seems the LeapFrog alphabet caterpillar was making noises all the sudden, from inside the closet. The closet door was shut, but I could still hear it.
It kept repeating the letter "T".

"something probably shifted in there, fell on it, so the "T" leg is pushed down." I opined.

The baby finished feeding, and my wife walked over the closet door, and opened it.

Nothing was on or even near the toy.
"T!" "T!" "T!"
It stopped, when my wife opened the door, and then....
"Ok, goodbye!" and became silent.

"T" stands for "Time to turn that toy off".
And remove the batteries.
And douse it with holy water.
and then bury it's head in someone else's backyard....

We've a rocking horse that whinnies, seemingly at random. We think it gets lonely. We keep expecting to find it grazing on our rug, or drinking from the dog's water bowl.

We've a v-tech ball that lights up and moves by itself, and makes noise. If you leave it alone for too long, it calls attention to itself.
"Over Here!!!"
Uh, no. I think you'll be happier over..... here. in the cupboard. which we'll keep latched.

We've a magnetic barn on our 'frig. It makes animal noises. Not always when we want it to.
Honey, the refrigerator's squealing like a pig again. Let's order out.

Good friends of ours bought their daughter a V-Tech barn. It happily tells anyone who listens that it likes mud. But this sounds an awful lot like "I like blood." And once, completely unprompted, it said something that could only be interpreted to be "Get used to the color red."

Not too surprisingly, that toy is sans batteries on the top shelf of a closet somewhere in their house.

These little eccentricities are generally attributed to low battery power. I've got a big problem with toys getting petulant, when they need new batteries. low power = low activity. They need to become quiet, when their batteries are dying. And still.
Aww....the toy's sleeping........

If I knew that was the case, then maybe I, too, could sleep.

Forbes' list of miserable cities

Should anyone have actually read anything posted herein, they'd know of my fondness for Memphis, TN.

That's irony, by the way. My sphincter actually clenches whenver i have to drive through this city.
Not a fan.

Anyhow, Forbes published their annual list of the 10 most miserable cities in which to live this week.
Memphis was #2.
Of course it was!

surprisingly, Chicago, the very place in which I'm writing this, ranked # 3.

I never really framed it in these terms, but I can see how we might have made the list.

the reasons Forbes listed are:
10+% unemployment
Highest Sales Tax in the nation
Crappy weather
Political skullduggery.

I would have also added highest gasoline prices in the continental US, and sick-high property taxes.

So, we're third. And the local papers (one of which in bankruptcy right now and just sold the Cubs- Natch) were up in arms about it.
"Look at this picture of a happy person bya new landmark on THE warm day we had the other day! how can we be a miserable place to live?"

Oh, well. If the long legged chick with the camera enjoyed herself outside last Saturday by the big bean, when it was sunny and 60 degrees out, Forbes must be full of sh*t.

Obviously, this is Utopia, and similar enjoyment could not have been found anywhere else on an unseasonably sunny and warm day after thre months of terrible winter.

Fleshing out the top 10 were some pretty obvious choices, and perennial favorites.

Flint - duh, it's Flint! haven't you been paying attention?
Detroit - See Flint. Plus - the mayor went to jail last year.
Cleveland - It's been decades since their river burst into flames. Not sure why it's still not a happy place. my guess it's been hit hard by industrial down turns.
Buffalo - bad employment, I'm guessing, plus the most severe winters of any city in the United States. Want to be unemployed AND buried in snow for five months straight? move to Buffalo!

I didn't read the entire article, so am not 100% on top of the criteria they based this on, so I don't know why Stockton CA was # 1, nor why St. Louis eked out some other sad place to make the top 10.

I do know that Chicago's #3 in misery, and I've been feelin' it the last few months.
Long, particularly miserable winter? check
tight job market? check
Wife's business not doing as well as it was a few months ago? check.

And my sick-high property tax bill's due in a couple of weeks.


Could be worse, though.
I could live in Memphis.

more cabin fever combat, and important dog poo stories 2/9

Went to the Tinley Park Fishing expo yesterday. Met a friend for breakfast nearby, and then we headed over to the show from there.

Some very wise man thought up a great idea a few years ago. Host a big fishing show at your high school as a big fundraiser. probably have over a thousand paying customers through your door a day at $5 a pop, plus vendor booth fees...


Fuck the Worlds Finest Chocolate sale.

It's the 3rd time, I think, that I've gone to this show. Early Feb. is usually the perfect time of year to wander around one of these things, as cabin fever has really set in by this point.

I think I spent $5.50 total on new gear, and picked up some guide and fishing location info for central Wisconsin. My buddy, who has greater amount of discretionary income and greater need for gear, had a very successful morning.

People watching (and smelling) is always interesting there.

Ironically, this remedy for cabin fever happened to fall on an unseasonably warm weekend. It was about five degrees out last year when I went. It was about 45 degrees warmer this year.

So was able to spend a fair amount of time outside. I miss outside. So I really kicked cabin fever's ASS last weekend. It needed a good ass kicking.

We took our daughter for her first big outdoor walk on sunday. Went to a nearby land preserve with a paved walking path, to avoid getting splashed by traffic, navigating piles of snow with the stroller, and huge mud puddle. Fewer obstacles, and a lovely scenic backdrop.
That's a win / win, my friends.

Didn't really count on the dog poo, however. Seems people get lazy about cleaning up after their dogs when there's snow on the ground. Who knew?

So when the snow melts, all that's left is 4 months worth of poo. It seemed like it was EVERYWHERE.
So we had to steer her around some things, but it was great watching her walk, and she walked more than she had ever done, up to this point.
It was the slowest walk I've been on since I was....well, her age, probably. she's brilliant, adorable and showing signs of developing a great sense of humour, but she is NOT speedy.

We had a fantastic time!
and now it's cold again.