Had a great evening, yesterday.
Got out of work on time, got home quickly… even the radio
was cooperating, playing great music for most of my ride. (See old post about listening to RUSH on the radio...)
Changed from frumpy business casual to “F*ck the sweat and
bug spray” hiking clothes, and we were parking the Subaru at the trail head by
4:30.
Hiked a trail I’ve walked many times before, but not for
many years. Laughed with my wife about
past trips, and how the…. ambiguous trail markers had led to some unexpectedly
long hikes. Only to come upon the very
same trail markers, afresh.
The addition of a crappily drawn and copied trail map,
courtesy of the state park, did not exactly clarify things. But long-dormant memories of the geography,
and of past mis-steps, won the day, and it worked out largely how I pictured it
would.
80 minutes of woods and inclines and peace... nice.
Took a minor detour on our drive home. Swung through the metropolis that is
Shelbyville, MI.
We last lived in MI,
before 2 months ago, in 1997, spending 1.5 years renting a converted chicken
coop from a very nice family of Jehovah’s Witnesses there.
Cows woke us up on
weekends; a walk around the block took 45 minutes; and we had to be careful to
determine if the electric fences were turned on, whenever we’d go for a walk in
the fields around the house. It was an
awesome time, and we loved it.
The fields are now either grown over, or dotted with new
homes. We could not even see our old
house from the road, because all the trees and shrubs and such are 17 years
older than they were, then. You CAN go home again, but there are no guarantees that you'll be able to find it....
The place had evolved, in other words. Shocker….
Nature does that. It
changes, grows, evolves.
Which led my wife to state “My god, I hope WE’VE evolved.”
And we have. A huge
amount, and mostly in positive ways.
We’re financially fairly stable, and have a great kid. I’m working at a job I could not have dreamed
of, 17 years ago. My wife’s obtained a
masters degree, and found a line of work for which she’s passionate.
We’ve
worked hard over the last 17 years!
And we live a healthier lifestyle, though my weight’s almost
exactly what it was when I was 29 years old. (Not bragging, for sure. Have you SEEN me?)
But it’s possible we dream about the future less, now that
our NOW is closer to what we USED to dream about. I know I’m guilty of that.
“What do I want to be when I finally grow up” has changed to
the knowledge that, to my surprise, I’m a grown up. Need to work on the dreaming part a bit, for
sure.
We used to have a fairly steady stream of guests. Wherever
we lived, we had a steady stream of friends and (and increasingly their dates)
showing up on our doorsteps with a gym bag and beer money and not much
else. This went well with our questionable
leisure time activities and night (and occasionally day) time adventures.
All of THEIR lives have evolved in positive ways as well, so
it makes sense that our guest beds don’t get the use they once did. Still miss the guests and the vibe tho’. The hangovers and dumbovers - not so much.
Our NOW lives, while overall more healthy and secure and
less cluttered with questionable leisure time activities, is not as
close-to-the-bone as it used to be. We
used to get by with…not much, and we used to be pretty good at it. Not sure if we could still do it as
successfully, and fear having to find out.
And, as odd as it may sound, being broke and living hand-to-mouth
in the middle of nowhere; driving 20+
miles to a shit-paying job I hated everyday while Wendy was in nursing school –
Far LESS stressful than my life FEELS, now.
I guess having absolutely nothing to lose took the edge off, back in the
day, although I know there were moments….
But we’re smarter, and more responsible, and safer, and we’re
parents, so the net positive evolution is certainly substantial.
Take a walk, take a drive and check out your old life.
Hopefully you’ll be able to see it through the overgrowth and new construction
and be able to navigate the old trails in spite of the ambiguous markers.
Remember to give yourself props for how far you’ve
come. But don’t overlook the positives you left
behind, and give some thought as to how you can gather them up and find space
for them still today.
Or some such nonsense....
