Visons at the Zoo

So, I was at the zoo with my daughter yesterday.

Brookfield Zoo’s pretty great, as far as zoos go. We’re members, and big fans.

My daughter’s two, and her zoo needs are pretty simple. A couple of animals she MUST see, picked out of the air at random as far as we can tell.
Then a carousel ride, and on to the Family zoo building, to see the kitty cats and the lemurs...


Anyhow, yesterday it was kangaroos (We've been reading Winnie the Pooh...), so we watched kangaroos lay around in the grass for awhile, where they stubbornly refused to get up and hop over to us even though my daughter was imploring them to do so.

Then we headed to the large carousel in the middle of the zoo.

As we awaited our turn, she informed me that she wanted to ride on the zebra, the penguin, not the penguin, and the peacock.
We got to the peacock, she found out it was a bench and she couldn’t stand up and hold onto the peacock’s head, and we were off again…

Once firmly ensconced on the lady bug, we began to move.

This is the lengthy description part of the entry, so pay attention.

We’re on the inside of the carousel, closest to the center.
There are mirrors placed close together, all around the center of the carousel.

So, as we begin to move, you see yourself in the mirrors.

BUT: they’re angled a little goofy, so you actually only see yourself in every OTHER mirror.
You also end up seeing the person in front of you in every other mirror.
You, them, you, them, you….

You still with me?

Ok.

So, there I am, standing behind my two year old daughter, making sure she doesn’t fall off. She’s got hair in her face and a slightly nervous grin, but she’s enjoying herself.

The person in front of us is a girl, maybe…11-12 years old. Same color hair as Fiona, tied back in a pony tail.
She’s sportin’ blue plaid Bermuda shorts, and black Chuck Taylors.
I’m impressed with her fashion choices.

As we continue to go around, and I watch the mirrors, it hits me.

There’s my daughter, holding on tight with daddy standing behind her, there’s a cool lookin’ girl about 10 years older, all by herself , not quite old enough to be bored with the carousel yet….
Two year old with daddy
12 year old
Two year old…

Anyhow, unless you’re completely unsalvageable, you get the picture.

And I found myself getting caught up in the moment a little bit, getting the tiniest bit choked up, checking to make sure that there really was a girl on the animal in front of us, and not just a mirage in the mirror, a vision of things to come.

So the ride ends, and the mirage looked and sounded solid enough, as she got off her mount and tromped off. And I gave my daughter a little extra hug as I carried her off the carousel.

“I’m hungry, daddy.”
“Crackers, or cranberries?”
“Crackers!”
Crackers it is, darlin’. Whatever you want.

Maureen Storey - thanks for helping me give up soda.

One of my favorite novels is Thank You for Smoking, written by Christopher Buckley.

(It apparently became one of my old buddy Nate’s favorites as well, because he never returned my copy...)

Anyhow, it’s a story about a PR hack for the tobacco industry, his trials and tribulations, etc etc.
It’s funny, smart, and timely.

One of the subtexts of the novel is that the main character meets regularly for dinner and drinks with two friends, also PR hacks. One works for the liquor industry, the other for the gun industry. They jokingly refer to themselves, if I recall it correctly, as the merchants of death.

I had occasion to think about this book on my drive home from work the other day, along with old Saturday Night Live skits where Dan Ackroyd defends unsafe toys, like “bag of broken glass” to Jane Curtin.

I was listening to All Things Considered, on NPR. They were discussing soda consumption, how it’s changed over the decades, studies linking it to various health problems, etc.
Pretty straight forward stuff.


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=126511372

Then they brought on Maureen Storey, senior vice president for science policy at the American Beverage Association for the rebuttal.

And I almost wrecked the car.



Maureen explained that soda in and of itself was not bad for you, and actually provides you with healthy and necessary nutrients.

Like… water.
See, cuz kids run the risk of not being sufficiently hydrated, so a nice big soda after exercising can help with that.

What else?
Sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup.
See, cuz they’re full of calories, and calories give you energy….

I figured at any moment, she’d just bust out laughing, and say “Ah, I’m just *bleeping* with you guys. C'mon, it’s soda for godssakes! You might as well look for nutritional value in a bottle of Mrs. Buttersworth…”

But she didn’t. Turns out, she was really serious about the health benefits of water and sweetner.
And in being so, also appears to be really serious about the idea that we’re ignorant.

I’ve been trying to give up drinking Coke for awhile now, anyhow. Thing is – I love the stuff.
L-U-V love it.

Yesterday I heard the Coke machine calling my name from a couple rooms away, like the song of a Siren, trying to lure me onto the rocks….

But she actually pissed me off so bad, that I’ve decided to redouble my efforts to give it up.

That’ll teach ‘em.

work day fun...

My loud,self-important coworker walked into the office this morning at the usual time of 8:03, looked at a pile of invoices he checked yesterday, that hasn't been picked up yet, and.... exploded in anger.

"Somebody has been going through my things!!!!!"

huh?

"Somebody is going behind me, checking my work! See?" and points at the pile of papers.

Uh... no, I don't see.

"I leave them perfectly stacked, I come in and look!" He points again.

So I look again.

The top sheet is slightly off center.
a couple of degrees off plumb, if you will.

I kid you not, this is what set him off.

And....the stack's right on the edge of his desk, I could have bumped it with my bag this morning, and not even known it. For that matter, the breeze created by someone walking by might have moved it the whole....half an inch that it might have been moved.

nope....

"I can tell, you know! I do things certain ways, so that I'll always know if somebody touches anything on my desk when I'm not here!!!"

I'm trying to decide whether I should hide under my desk or jump out the window at this point. Thankfully I'm only on the 2nd floor...

another coworker is sitting at her desk, smiling at him, with increasing unease.

I can't keep my mouth shut, of course.

"Did you know that you can buy De-caffeinated coffee now, that tastes just as good as regular coffee?"

nah, I didn't say that.

Didn't quote from the movie Buffy The Vampire Slayer, either.
("It's way past medication time for you, buddy.")

Instead, I went with:

"You have procedures in place to check to see if anyone's gone through your paperwork, your drawers?"

"Yes,of course! I do this at all my jobs!" he says proudly.

Yep, he's saying he places "tells" around his work area, like James Bond stringing a hair across his hotel room door to make sure noone's snuck in and is waiting for him, gun drawn, while he was downstairs picking up duplicitous women at the casino.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, of course!"

Wow.

"Uh... it never crossed my mind to bother doing that..."

Funny, AND creepy-scary.

Can't go wrong with that....