work day fun...

My loud,self-important coworker walked into the office this morning at the usual time of 8:03, looked at a pile of invoices he checked yesterday, that hasn't been picked up yet, and.... exploded in anger.

"Somebody has been going through my things!!!!!"

huh?

"Somebody is going behind me, checking my work! See?" and points at the pile of papers.

Uh... no, I don't see.

"I leave them perfectly stacked, I come in and look!" He points again.

So I look again.

The top sheet is slightly off center.
a couple of degrees off plumb, if you will.

I kid you not, this is what set him off.

And....the stack's right on the edge of his desk, I could have bumped it with my bag this morning, and not even known it. For that matter, the breeze created by someone walking by might have moved it the whole....half an inch that it might have been moved.

nope....

"I can tell, you know! I do things certain ways, so that I'll always know if somebody touches anything on my desk when I'm not here!!!"

I'm trying to decide whether I should hide under my desk or jump out the window at this point. Thankfully I'm only on the 2nd floor...

another coworker is sitting at her desk, smiling at him, with increasing unease.

I can't keep my mouth shut, of course.

"Did you know that you can buy De-caffeinated coffee now, that tastes just as good as regular coffee?"

nah, I didn't say that.

Didn't quote from the movie Buffy The Vampire Slayer, either.
("It's way past medication time for you, buddy.")

Instead, I went with:

"You have procedures in place to check to see if anyone's gone through your paperwork, your drawers?"

"Yes,of course! I do this at all my jobs!" he says proudly.

Yep, he's saying he places "tells" around his work area, like James Bond stringing a hair across his hotel room door to make sure noone's snuck in and is waiting for him, gun drawn, while he was downstairs picking up duplicitous women at the casino.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, of course!"

Wow.

"Uh... it never crossed my mind to bother doing that..."

Funny, AND creepy-scary.

Can't go wrong with that....