There he is!

Ah, people.  

They make the world go ‘round.   

They’re infinitely fascinating, ever-varying, and frequently boring.   

 But without ‘em, I’d be a lonely man. 

Living in the wild (everywhere would be “the wild”). 

Walking, barefoot.

With no hot water.   

And morning coffee would be a problem….

So, overall, in regards to people – Big fan.

But they don’t come without irritants.

And here’s today’s:

“There he is! / There you are!”

When “Hello, how are ya?”  just is just too darn slow and formal....

“There he is!” is, from my experience, primarily a “guy” thing.   Used mostly as a very impersonal greeting. 

Very impersonal greeting = words of no value, resulting in… nothing.

“There he is!”  Uttered by some random co-worker/ VERY casual acquaintance, usually as they’re walking past you.

“Oh, shit!  That’s a relief!  I was beginning to feel a bit lost.   But it’s ok now, because here I am!”  You reply, stepping in front of the person who said it.

You go in for a warm hug.

“Thank you.  Thank you SO much…”   And then you step back, and continue about your day like the exchange never happened.

“There He is!” accompanied by a wink and a finger-pistol point.

“This hiding spot sucks!”  you answer. "This game's stupid.  I quit!"  and then run off in a huff.

“Hey, there He is!”

“How long have you been looking for me?”

There he is!

"Oh my god, you're right!  There he is!  I can't believe it!  I mean he's RIGHT. THERE!.  "  you reply. gushingly, sucking some unsuspecting 3rd party into the inane exchange.

Honestly, I’d prefer a mumbled “Dude, ‘s’up?”   

Not sure where it originated, nor why.  Similary confused about the fact that it still has a fan base.  Would like it to go away......

Why I can never go to Trader Joes again.

Am blessed with quick access to Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and many other grocery stores, by my office.
It makes getting errands done very simple.
I'd rather bang out a grocery trip on my lunch hour, than try to fit one in at night.

And that's what I was doing today.   Like dozens of times before, I went to Trader Joes on my lunch hour, with 1.5 dozen  Trader Joe-y things on my list.  
Easy peasy.

And even though they recently moved everything around in the store, I was still banging out the list in quick time,  when.... it happened.

You ever, in your entire personal history of grocery shopping, at any time, grab the wrong cart while shopping, and start walking through the store with someone else's groceries?    Because it was right by your cart, and you were paying attention to the list in your hand, or.. whatever.

Rationalization aside - You just grabbed the wrong damn cart.     It's ok.  I don't judge.

Well, I did this today.   I was not paying attention.  It WAS right by where I had left mine, and had many of the same items, and I WAS looking at my list and I put a couple of items in it and... I walked away.

Trader Joe's is not a big store.  6 or so short aisles, at most, plus end caps, beer and wine and frozen stuff on the walls.  
So I had not gotten very far when I stopped pushing the wrong cart, to quick grab another item off my list.   Going to put that item in the cart, I realized that "similar" is not "The same", that the ladies hat and gloves in the cart were clearly not my size, nor matched my shoes, and I had made a mistake....

Oopsie.  

And as I was all of about 20 feet from where I had picked up the wrong cart, and a tad embarrassed that I was walking around with someone else's groceries (and hat and gloves), I left the cart where it was, NOT picking my items out of it, because I didn't want someone to come up and say "what are you doing with my cart!!!".  I nonchalantly walked back to MY cart, grabbing items as I went to replace the wrongfully carted items from my list as I did so.

My mistake corrected, I began to walk away from the scene of the incident with MY cart, containing MY groceries, when I heard it.....

You ever,  in your entire personal history of grocery shopping, at any time,  found that your cart was not where you THOUGHT you left it?   Ever?     And when this has happened (Because, don't lie, it has), did you look around for a bit to try and find it, before FREAKING THE HELL OUT?

See, I've done this, including the "look around first before freaking out" part, and you know - it's always worked out...

Well the couple at Trader Joe's today decided to just skip right to the FREAKING THE HELL OUT part.

And there I was, experiencing an old looney toons cartoon moment.
Devil on one shoulder, Angel on the other.
"They'll figure it out eventually. walk away!  do it!" said the little devil.
"No, that would not be right, you should tell them what happened, and ease their worry…." said the little angel.

Stoopid little angel.

So, couple's loudly lamenting their "lost" grocery cart, to a growing audience.
"It was right HERE a minute ago, someone stole our cart!!!!"    
Two flower-shirted employees, with concerned and sympathetic looks on their faces, tried to be reassuring, but it wasn't working.
"Have you looked around for it, maybe it got moved by accident…"   (damn right…)
"No, why would we look around for it, we know where we left it!!!!"

So, I happened to walk off with rude, irrational couple's cart.  Of course.  Couldn't walk off with nice, sense of humor person's cart, or sassy librarian's.. oops.  Never mind that one…

But the stooped little angel's still yammering in my ear, and I'm starting to feel bad for the employees….

"Excuse me."  I said.
They didn't hear me the first time, over the din of their own voices.
"Pardon me!" I say again, louder.
I stepped closer to them.   They finally stopped talking, and looked at me.
"Your cart's in the next aisle. You can't miss it.  I took it by accident.  I'm sorry!"
And I turned to walk away, before ending up a larger part of the floor show.
"You took our cart?!?!?!?" The woman asked loudly.
"Why would you do that???"

really?  Why would YOU, behave like YOU'RE behaving?  What's wrong with YOU?

But I chose a different response.

I quietly, with a very strained smile, repeated myself.
It.
is.
just.
around.
the.
corner.
It.
Was.
A.
Simple.
accident.
I'm.
sorry.

And I did turn and walk away, as the spluttering continued.  If I had lingered longer or paid more attention, I'd be able to tell you with certainty that they were taking the time to make sure the employees knew that THEY, the couple, had not misplaced their cart, SEE?!?!?!?!?  It was that bald little bespectacled man's fault, not ours.

the small crowd dispersed. Show's over folks, nothing to see here.
Tip your waitstaff.

I finished up my shopping, got the usual friendly service at check out, and was gone….

I can only guess at the scene they made when they got to check out, and realized they had extra paper towels, dish soap and cookies in their cart…..

And that's why I can never go back to this Trader Joe's again….