Given my rather rarified career choice, I get calls and emails from random recruiters on a fairly regular basis. In this economy, I feel blessed about this fact.
Truly, and without joke. I am lucky that I get those calls and emails.
But at the same time- I have learned to approach all of these calls with caution and at best guarded optimism.
Honestly, I'm shocked how many of these folks are out there, and also shocked that so many of them seem to make a good living at this.
You've been at this for 15 years? But... but... you're kind of a goof....
Sure, Bob, I remember talking to you a couple months back, about that opportunity in suburban bumf*ck. We talked about the fact that as long as it was an opportunity here, and not in someplace like suburban bumf*ck, I'd be happy to talk to you again. Another opportunity? Awesome, where?
Really? Suburban Bumf*ck again? It's actually the same exact position? Please lose my phone number.
And you over there, you just took an hour of my life up, giving me hard hitting interview tips like.... don't swear, don't talk with a mouth full of food, and wear a freakin' tie.
And this is the chat I couldn't have while driving, in case I needed to write down some of this important information?
The tie, by the way, that you won't even bother to verify is really necessary, given that it's more and more accepted that the interviewee match the dress code of the company who's interviewing him. Oh and given that it's after hours at a bargain family restaurant chain...
By the way, can I assume they're buying me dinner?
You don't KNOW??????? Can you find out? You can't????
How will they know who I am, to meet me? I'll be the only guy in a freakin' suit, the guy that everyone else in the place is staring at.
(And that's pretty much exactly how it went down...)
And YOU....YOU.... were contracted to submit non-local candidates for consideration, but didn't even bother to ask if they'd be willing to do a phone interview? I'd really like to do the first round over the phone. No? Can you at least inquire? They must realize they're half a day's drive away... You don't want to alienate them by pushing for it? okay doke.
While it WAS a lovely day for a 3.5 hour drive to the potential employer, I knew less than five minutes into the interview that I didn't want the job, and that they didn't want me.
But I drove 3.5 hours, so my desire to say "well, I've heard enough, do you validate?" was kept at bay...
Oh, but you wanted feedback after the interview?
Ok, here's your feedback.
A phoner would have been really damn handy. But I found a nice cheese shop by the interstate, if you're driving through the area there....
In my youth, my mom approached me about asking out the daughter of a coworker of hers.
She said that the daughter had seen my picture, and thought I was cute. So, I went on what was the most disastrous and uncomfortable date of my young life. No kiss, home by 8:30, a dozen words exchanged all evening. Movie even sucked....
Mom, what the hell? turns out, the COWORKER saw my picture, and thought I was cute, and would be a good date for her daughter, who maybe, just maybe, liked her men a little more.... trashy.
But, wait. the coworker thought I was cute?? Maybe I had a better shot with her.
Bad communication, less than complete honesty and understanding of the players and the game.....
While I never encouraged my mother to repeat her attempt at matchmaking, I happily take calls and emails from strangers, who are no better equipped, informationally speaking.
With a few exceptions (great exceptions that keep my mind open to those calls and emails), I've never spoken to so many people that consistently know so little about the one task they've been given to complete.
Last week was a fine example. Random guy does a word search on Linked In, and gets my name.
He has an awesome opportunity. He tells me about it, and...it sounds familiar. And I check old emails, and find that a completely DIFFERENT random person from a completely different random company tried to get my interest in the exact same position, over two months ago.
Against my better judgement, I involved myself in his quest. And... after a week he confesses that his client did not want even want to look at my credentials.
Didn't want my....?????? WTF?
They weren't looking at any more candidates, at this time.
You're recruiting me without even knowing whether or not they're still looking for candidates?
Awesome. Top notch, Spaulding! Top notch!
You've got a girl you think would be perfect for me? Sounds niiiiice. Set it up!
What's that, she's ENGAGED? To another woman??
On who's behalf were you calling me, exactly?
I get it. Really. You operate within a business model that states you get no $$$ if your potential client does not hire someone you present to them. So it's in your best interest to cast a wide net.
And I'll gladly let you cast your wide net onto me, every time, because... you simply never know.
Maybe this girl will be different. Maybe she'll smell nice and bathe regularly, and have a good sense of humor, and like good music, and have a job, and no anger issues, and be physically aggressive in a good way....
But can y'all tighten it up a bit? And ask better questions, get better answers, and assume, if I have the background you're looking for, that I am a professional? And never, ever, forget that YOU called ME?
Please?
