Give Thanks Today - Thoughts about being grateful anyhow, from the insomnia chair.

Yeah, so... I've been up for awhile.  

It is what it is.

And as I have become prone to do in situations where I'd like to get really down about things.... I've been spending the last couple-three of hours trying really hard NOT to be.

11 months ago, 3am was when "the bad people" would come to call.  
I was in a jam, professionally, working 11-12 hour days without even taking a lunch break, just to fall further behind.    It was an unusual situation for me to be in, as I've done pretty darn well for myself in my chosen field of endeavor, 'lo these last two decades.

And I would lay awake, and fears of the present and the future, and self-recriminations, and anger and loathing and a bunch of other shady characters would make their presence known.
After awhile, it became such a regular occurrence that I simply referred to them as "the bad people."

I reckon many of you are visited by your own versions of them.  

Solidarity!!!

By most people's definition, the last year and a half would qualify as a motherfucker.
That's pretty succinct, yes?
Like everyone else, it's been a rollercoaster ride, for sure.  And the  roller coaster is oddly built, and occasionally rickety.  
but one of the cool things I've learned, and continue to learn every day, is that - I get to steer it.  
In many ways, we ride a roller coaster of our own design.  

No, you are not in total control of everything that happens to you and your loved ones.  Of course not!  

But how you react, what you focus on, how you continue to focus on the future and your life goals...  design it.  
Steer it.

I am so thankful for my life.

And for the 8 females of various species to which I come home every day.  How lucky am I?!?!?!

And for being a dad, to an amazing, yet challenging, daughter.  

And to the friends I have, old and newer.

And for the opportunities that have allowed me to continue to grow as a man, and as a human being.  That have continued to shape me into someone of whom I can be proud.

For the constant reminders that it really is, and will always be, a work in progress.
For the knowledge that patience and optimism are my friends.

For the little things, on which we all can focus our attention, when the big picture becomes daunting. I love the little things so much.

For instances of such amazing timing and coincidence that you can do little but accept that the universe is an amazing place, indeed.

For a great spring, summer and fall, unlike any I've had as an adult.

For projects completed.

For a life goal realized.   A goal I've had since college, without really knowing how to achieve it.
It was basically handed to me.  I just had to say "I do that."  when someone asked.
And then actually do it, at least well enough for them to keep saying "more, please!"

For learning to say " I do that"  when the time comes.  

And, as a grand finale, to the ability to remind myself that ultimately, it's going to be ok.
It is.
And I know we we'll be able to deal with it when it's not.
We'll soldier on, while wishing we could just catch a break.   And then we will remind ourselves that we've caught lots of them....

It may not be how you pictured it,  whenever you pictured it, there will be bumps and disappointments and fears both unsubstantiated and realized, but damn if it's not ultimately going to be ok, even as we continue to strive to make it better than that.



Good or bad, the last year and a half has ensured that I am no longer coasting through life at half speed.   On a roller coaster of someone else's design.


Be thankful today, even if initially you're not feeling it.
Do it tomorrow, too.
And the day after.    
Make it a habit, even though it's easier said than done, some days.  

It drives the bad people crazy.

Standards, people.

Oh, brothers and sisters, I pontificate to you this evening with a furrowed brow and a heavy heart.

These are troubling times.

Tonite, my brain is pre-occupied with standards.   Our standards, my flock.
And the fact that they've.... gotten pretty low.

Can I get an Amen?

I first started dwelling on this, on a part-time basis, a few months ago.  An area poll was taken, as to the best restaurants in my greater metropolitan (he writes, chuckling at the use of this word to describe where he lives) area.

The restaurant that came in 2nd, is within walking distance of my house.   The food there is not good (nor is it truly bad), and they've a ways to go before their in-house brewed beers taste like what you'd except. IPA is not very IPA-like, etc.

But the owner works the room well, and the service is always attentive, lest you think I'm only focused on the negative.  Not me, my people.  I always look for the positive, if I'm going to testify negatively, hallelujah!

it's all about balance, you see....


The comments to the announcement that this was the 2nd best restaurant in my GMA, are what've stuck with me.   You must, we are told, try a burger when you go.  They're awesome!

A burger.
It's the 2nd best restaurant in the area, because... they serve a hamburger.

I've had the hamburger. Due to it's proximity to my humble abode, I've done a fairly in-depth study on their hamburger.  I researched most of my college term papers less than I've researched this hamburger.
It tastes remarkably like... every other basic, kinda dry,  hamburger I've ever had.
It's not particularly large, not stuffed with something new and exciting, not seasoned nor topped with anything that makes THEIR 1/3lb of ground cow meat stand out from the crowd.

Try the burger!!!!!!!!   Not... "best beer ever", or "Daily specials show a true love of the culinary arts".

Nope.  Try the damn burger, brother and sisters.  Want fries with that?
And before you assume, there are way more than two restaurants in my GMA.    And lots of them don't even offer drive-thru service!  

Our standards.....

But wait!   On the way to services this morning, I passed a billboard.    "Busch Beer.  Because you earned it."

Earned it?!?!?!?!?!?  You earned a really crappy tasting beer, my congregants!!!!! Rejoice and be glad!!!
You EARNED that Busch beer.    Way to go!
What does one have to do, to accomplish,  to EARN a Busch beer?   the limber mind reels with sarcastic responses.      However, looking closer at the sign, apparently you earn a Busch beer by... shooting a deer or a duck.

I fish a lot, and have, since getting my first post-college job (which paid crap wages and was unsatisfying in every way), always felt like I earned better than that.
I had a great day out on the river this morning! I really earned.... a halfway decent beer that I will not want to consume via paper funnel or long plastic tube.    Can I get an amen?

Standards,  my people.    If you accomplished more than tying your owns shoes today, you've earned better than Busch beer.  Praise... whomever you feel comfortable praising!


And this brings me to the overlying concern, when it comes to standards, and the fact that we've apparently given up on them.

Don't we all deserve the highest standards in politicians?    It's easy to repeat the oft heard phrase that we get the politicians we deserve, I think some of our standards have faltered over the last 20 years.

Where I live, there was just a primary to pick the republican candidate that will run for a seat vacated by the "family values" "christian" official, who was ejected from the house once it became known that she was having fact finding meetings with another "christian" "family values" representative from the other side of the state, in a Lansing hotel room. Regularly.   He was removed from office as well.  

And they both had the gall, and the legal loopholes, to run in the primary for the very offices that they were just expelled from!  Frankly, I was relieved and a bit surprised when they did not win their respective nominations.

Are these truly the politicians we deserve?  The argument, brothers and sisters, is that they ARE, because enough people heard the buzzwords, and decided that was all they needed to know.

Standards, people...   We've let them slip, we've let them slide.   So very far down....

Burgers... You can order them from your car by talking into a clown's mouth.
Busch Beer - just... no.

And it's time we all try to give that whole "informed electorate" thing a try again.  Try to use the gigantic brains that evolution, or the god of your choice, has provided us, to see past the buzzwords.

I'm not choosing sides here.

If everyone, or at least a far greater number of people who are currently doing this,  CAN and WILL  do this, we'll all come out ahead.  Think for yourselves, my people!

It only hurts for a moment.

Or maybe we do get the politicians we deserve,  and we really HAVE earned that Busch beer.


This notion gives me the shivers, the same kind I used to get when I was a broke college kid, trying to force Busch beer down my gullet....