Mid-life Crisis

Claire Colburn:  [voice over] Some music *needs* air. Roll down your window

-From the movie Elizabethtown


I've been experiencing a mid-life crisis of late.

I've started listening to music and bands for which I had no use, 30 years ago.

Loudly, in my car.   

Specifically, ACDC and Rush.

Those of you that are fans are all "Yeah, so?  cool!"

But I'm.... not a fan.

Except I sort of am, now.

Not "go see 'em live next tour" fan.  or even "Snap up their back catalog on iTunes" fan.

But, if I happen upon Limelight or New World Man or Highway to Hell or Thunderstruck when surfing the pre-sets, I no longer keep going.

I stop.

And turn it way up.

And, weather permitting, roll down the window.
On truly special days, I'll open the sun roof.

Sometimes music DOES need airing out.   Kirsten Dunst was right.

I do not know how this has come to be.
I expect, in large part, it's due to what I CAN'T expect to hear, when pre-set surfing.  If Husker Du, Chris Whitley, The Jayhawks or The Replacements were on the radio regularly, I'd likely not be writing this.  
But the aren't.
For whatever reason, one day I said "nope" and kept hitting the buttons when I came across Freewill, but the next day I didn't.

So, there I am, middle aged guy, blasting Rush out of the open windows of his car, kids booster seat, granola bar wrappers, stuffed dog and a single glove from last winter, loose in the back seat.

Of COURSE I'm singing along.

(Turns out I already knew most of the lyrics, having picked them up via osmosis somehow, 30 years ago.)

I can live with that, I think. To hell with the other cars around me at the stop lights.

They can sing their own songs...

But I WILL continue to blow past Zep, Floyd and the Nuge, without hesitation.

Gotta have standards.

Can you please describe him?

So, I'm sitting on an off ramp yesterday afternoon, on my way to pick Fiona up from day "camp".

I've just exited southbound I-294, and am toward the back of a long line of folks waiting for the light to turn green.  
I was quite surprised, to see someone riding their bicycle toward, and then past me, continuing on toward the highway itself.

"Well."  I said aloud, a habit I need to be more careful about, "That's f*cked up."

Thought about it for a few seconds as the light turned green and traffic started to move, and then dialed 911.

Explained what was going on to the operator, who responded with "Can you describe him?"
Uh, sure.   He's the kid riding a bicycle along the shoulder of an interstate.  Duh.   You need to narrow that down further?
"Oh, if he's no longer on the road, but on the interstate, I'll have to pass you to the State Police."
Well, I'm not charting his progress, but... do what you need to do.    And she did
And they answered, and I explained that there's a kid, probably 13-14 years old, riding his bike northbound on a southbound exit ramp, toward the actual interstate.

"Can you describe him, and his bike?"
Uh, sure.  HE'S THE KID RIDING HIS BIKE, A TWO WHEELER if that helps, ON THE #$^W$%&#$&% INTERSTATE!!!!"

I, for many reasons, did not actually respond in this manner.
But it made me think.   What if the police, while responding to my call,  came across someone else riding their bike ON THE #$%^$#%& INTERSTATE, NOT the kid I described?

"Oh, hey, Burt - up ahead on the right.  someone's on a bike."
"Yeah, Ernie, wait.. wait.. never mind.  it's a girl, and the bike's the wrong color." and they drive by, letting her continue on un-challenged.

Last summer, I was walking the dog around 8p, and when I did the lap around the school and the field next to it, I see two high school age kids park their car behind a classroom trailer, so that it's not visible from the street. They got out and walked over to a drain pipe that was mounted on the school wall.  One kid's in an overcoat, the other kid's got a video camera.   As I watched, they started looking around, and looking up the drainpipe at the roof of the school.   The kid in the overcoat was tentatively tugging on the pipe as I walked around the corner, out of sight.

I called 911, they asked nature of my call, I explained to them what was going on.

"Can you describe any of them?"

Uh, sure.  One of them WILL BE STANDING ON THE ROOF OF THE SCHOOL IN AN OVERCOAT!!!!  Hopefully he will not have removed the overcoat, as then he'll just be a kid STANDING ON THE ROOF OF THE SCHOOL WITHOUT AN OVERCOAT, and the police will let him go, because they're only looking for a kid on the roof of a school wearing an overcoat.....

I know all about phone protocols and procedures, and why you don't necessarily want the person who answers the phone when you're reporting a crime or an emergency to wing it, improv-style.

I GET it.     But that doesn't mean I can't laugh at the stupidity of the questions, in these particular situations....

Conversely... 15 years ago, when I was living in MS, we got whacked, HARD, by hurricane Georges.
The news stories that came out after the storm were, occasionally, some real gems.
One of which has remained with me.  

There were repots of emus, escaped from god knows where, running around in peoples yards and fields in Bay St. Louis, and the police and animal control were called in to capture them.
There was question as to whether or not the police and animal control folks new the physical attributes of an emu.
"Well, no, not really." was the approximate response from the police department.
  But I'm pretty sure we'll know it if we come across any of them."

Awesome.



"911, what's your emergency?"

I'm headed northbound on I-57, near 159th street, and a car just pulled off the road, because it was on fire.

Can you describe the vehicle?

Uh, I'm pretty sure I just did.....