Spent the last few days in Canada and New York, bouncing back and forth across the border on business.
I spent almost the entire time within a mile or two of the border, along the St. Lawrence Seaway, in the 1000 Island region.
I had the pleasure of spending a little time here in the past, on a vacation, and remember being dazzled by the beauty of the area. It ranks very high on my “If I didn’t have to work for a living I’d live here” list.
This go ‘round, my Canadian counterpart was nice enough to give me a bit of background information on the region.
For a piece of land to qualify as an island, in the 1000 Island region, the following criteria must be met.
1. It must be above water, 365 days a year. 366 days a year during leap years.
(This is specified, should the piece of land think it’s going to be able to submerge itself for one day during a leap year, due to some governmental loophole. Nope.)
2. It must be at least one foot square
3. It must have one live tree
Something about these very simple, likely very old guidelines, really tickled me.
One square foot and one tree…. Awesome.
And as we drove back and forth along the Promenade Heritage Parkway (look at a map, people!), I had to laugh as I saw many tiny lumps of land sticking out of the river, with one very small tree on each. No wonder they claim nearly 1800 islands in total.
Got a pontoon boat, a shovel, and a greenhouse nearby? Let’s go make 12 more islands today…
I want that job. I want to be the government employee who’s responsible for motoring up and down the river, counting islands. A tape measure and a boat is all I’d need. Stop, measure, make sure the tree’s still alive… Check, check and… off we go.
“How was work today, sweetie?”
“I…love...my…job…so…much…..” he answers, holding up the bag of fresh walleye, caught while trolling between the islands he had to measure that day.
You can’t be too careful, because trees do die, and ground erodes. All the sudden, your private island residence… isn’t.
“Tree’s looking a bit sickly, and the guy who counts islands is due to drop by tomorrow. Shit! We’ve some planting to do RIGHT NOW.” And off you go in your boat, in rain and 40 degree weather, to the mainland, where you get in your car and drive to whatever greenhouse may be open on a sunday, to buy whatever tree's available...
A house and a boat house and a tree and the nearest neighbor’s 500 yards of river away from you. AND A great view no matter what window you look out.
Sounds like heaven.
As long as you keep that tree alive.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Purloined sirloin
The man’s doorbell rang while he and his family were eating dinner last night.
His dog barked, of course.
The man answered the door.
He sees a younger guy, probably late 20's, in a t-shirt, shorts and boots, standing in his front yard, about 8 feet back from the front steps, staring at the lawn.
He looked up when the man came to the door, but made no effort to come back up the stairs.
The man stood there and waited, staring at his visitor, making no effort to open the door.
He already knew he didn’t want to talk to the gentleman standing in his yard.
Finally, after confirming that his dog was secured, he opened the door.
The visitor made no effort to come back up the stairs, so the man had to practically yell to converse with his visitor.
“You rang my doorbell?”
And without introducing himself, the visitor jumped right in with..
"I, uh… I work for a distribution company in the loop and... Uh.... You like meat?"
"Do I like meat??"
"You know, do a lot of grilling, stuff like that?"
WTF???
"No." The man answered honestly.
"C'mon, you cook up steaks, burgers?"
"No, we're vegetarians."
(Actually 2/3 accurate, the man’s wife and daughter are vegetarians)
"Oh, bullshit!!! your nose is growing!"
REALLY??? Good sales technique there, sparky. You must have taken classes.
"No bullshit."
“What about seafood, fish and shrimp?”
The man thought about all the times he’d ask his wife if he could buy a BB gun, and she said no…
“You’re actually interrupting my dinner. We’re having beans and rice and vegetables.”
"Seriously?"
The man looked up and down the block, saw a white delivery van parked two doors down on the street, It was obvious that the gentleman on his lawn, the one not making eye contact and behaving in an aggressive manner, was going door to door, trying to sell (assumedly) stolen meat.
The man wished he had a sprinkler system, with a remote starter.
Or a dog he trusted to NOT run off.
He had always wanted to be able to say “Release the Hounds!” like Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons, and then… actually have hounds released. Maybe someday…
"Seroiusly.” The man answered, showing great restraint.
“And it's getting cold."
"Fair enough."
And the man shut the door on him, and went back to his now cold dinner.
Should he have called the police? Behaved less civilly toward the goofball in his front yard? He wasn't sure.
But he was pretty sure he didn't want to buy meat out of the back of some random guy's van....
His dog barked, of course.
The man answered the door.
He sees a younger guy, probably late 20's, in a t-shirt, shorts and boots, standing in his front yard, about 8 feet back from the front steps, staring at the lawn.
He looked up when the man came to the door, but made no effort to come back up the stairs.
The man stood there and waited, staring at his visitor, making no effort to open the door.
He already knew he didn’t want to talk to the gentleman standing in his yard.
Finally, after confirming that his dog was secured, he opened the door.
The visitor made no effort to come back up the stairs, so the man had to practically yell to converse with his visitor.
“You rang my doorbell?”
And without introducing himself, the visitor jumped right in with..
"I, uh… I work for a distribution company in the loop and... Uh.... You like meat?"
"Do I like meat??"
"You know, do a lot of grilling, stuff like that?"
WTF???
"No." The man answered honestly.
"C'mon, you cook up steaks, burgers?"
"No, we're vegetarians."
(Actually 2/3 accurate, the man’s wife and daughter are vegetarians)
"Oh, bullshit!!! your nose is growing!"
REALLY??? Good sales technique there, sparky. You must have taken classes.
"No bullshit."
“What about seafood, fish and shrimp?”
The man thought about all the times he’d ask his wife if he could buy a BB gun, and she said no…
“You’re actually interrupting my dinner. We’re having beans and rice and vegetables.”
"Seriously?"
The man looked up and down the block, saw a white delivery van parked two doors down on the street, It was obvious that the gentleman on his lawn, the one not making eye contact and behaving in an aggressive manner, was going door to door, trying to sell (assumedly) stolen meat.
The man wished he had a sprinkler system, with a remote starter.
Or a dog he trusted to NOT run off.
He had always wanted to be able to say “Release the Hounds!” like Montgomery Burns from The Simpsons, and then… actually have hounds released. Maybe someday…
"Seroiusly.” The man answered, showing great restraint.
“And it's getting cold."
"Fair enough."
And the man shut the door on him, and went back to his now cold dinner.
Should he have called the police? Behaved less civilly toward the goofball in his front yard? He wasn't sure.
But he was pretty sure he didn't want to buy meat out of the back of some random guy's van....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)