Warren Zevon's old song is rattling around in my brain pan this morning.
Actually, just the ridiculously short refrain....
Staring out my window as dark turns to gray turns to light. I'm monitoring work emails, of which there are very few. I await tomorrow, when I'll find out what convoluted but possibly workable plan my work has developed, and what that means to me for the next three weeks. ditto whether or not i'll get paid.
Basically, they're trying to gauge the mandatory stay at home against what they can argue to be essential work.
Splendid isolation......
Crushed it sunday, in preparation for what I was lead to believe would be a monday announcement.
I was lead correctly....
Yesterday, in advance of the announcement, i made sure to be at the grocery before it opened, to make one last, grand grocery run for my mom, who's shut in. I picked up a couple things for myself as well. I was home by 8:30, clothes went straight into laundry, I washed hands for a day, showered for what seemed like two more and.... that was that.
Splendid isolation....
All the memes all the folks posting, omg, now we're going to find out that what our teachers go through every day, we're going to go crazy cooped up in house together, we're going to.....
Any funny memes or posts from middle aged people who will spend the next three weeks entirely by themselves?
OMG, HOW HILARIOUS.
yep, that's sarcasm.
I'm likely 9-14 days away from being able to spend time with my kid, without being totally irresponsible. If i'm lucky.
And I've a list of things i hope to accomplish, but the list vs. 21 days.... no contest.
I've a small house that I just moved into 6-7 months ago. After moving out a year before that, with goal of maintaining a fairly minimalist life style.
I've nothing to go all Marie Kondo on, in other words.
I don't have indoor painting projects.
I don't have ANY indoor projects.
And responsibly looked at the forecast and realized I didn't need to go to hardware store at last minute to buy all the stuff I'll need to re-paint my deck. It won't be warm enough.
You know all those funny memes about how finally introverts rule the day, and they've been training for this their whole lives and......
On the other end of the spectrum are folks already whining about how bored they are. That's a luxury, friends. It doesn't feel like one, but... congrats to you for being bored already.
I wasn't bored until last night. because until 4p last friday, i was still at work, a place that employs 3000 people, but has tech for working for home for aprox. 1.6% of that number.
And should i start to feel bored today, I can spend my time not knowing what the hell my job's going to look like after noon tomorrow, or even if I'm going to get paid.
So, three weeks, potentially spent entirely alone.
I am NOT, as it turns out, an introvert. I embrace it, and seek it out on occasion, especially if I feel
the need to balance against excessive extroverted behavior.
But generally speaking - I LIKE people.
And as I began figuring out my new normal 17 months ago, I realized life was better for me with access to them.
Not ALL the time. But I realized I was more the person I want to be, when able to interact and play off of others. I'm more stimulated, more creative, and can let loose with the dry wit and goofy charm, which is... intrinsically me. It's an important part of my self-identity.
And the kindness.
Lots of kindness, needs people to be kind TO.
I figured it out..... People.... Just to know that they're there, and to take advantage of them being there on fairly regular basis. My couch, by myself, was not a treat, NOT a goal or aspiration.
But a tool for balance.
This will not be balanced.
This will not be what makes life better for me.
My best hope is to NOT get ridiculously-to-the-point-of not-being-able-to-care-for-myself, ill.
And to NOT go crazy or become...less somehow, without the stimulation of other people.
I see friends who've lives that make it relatively simple to fully isolate with each other and their kids. They're likely doing a test run on living together. I think it's beautiful.
I know folks my age who've never married nor had kids, and have built full wonderful lives for themselves which have suited them well. Until they can't do many of the things they've built a life doing....
I've a friend who's very quietly and quickly trying to get all of her kids home, so that they don't have to ride out by THEMSELVES, while not working. I fear for her health with the exposure, but completely respect what she's trying to do. Taking care of her kids is how she's been wired forever. And I know they'll make the best of it, even if it'll be a strain on her toilet paper supply.
My daughter's worried about going crazy at home for next three weeks, but she's got a house full of amusements and distractions; and her mom and her mom's boyfriend.
So.
21 days.
with a thin project list, and a list of daily goals that while being healthy and helping me toward the lifestyle I want, don't take much time, don't eat enough clock....
And a vague fear of simply falling through the cracks.
Wonder whatever happened to Patrick, he's not been on facebook for a bit......
Of taking long walks and waving to strangers from a safe distance, and THAT being my social life for the day.
Of re-reading a lot of books.
Of practicing the guitar - a lot.
In other words, of trying to maintain a routine of sorts, with way less to MAKE a vibrant routine, than is optimal.
Of deciding what to do and what to put off in the moment, so as not to have ALL the day's excitement happen at once.
ex: I'm waiting to shave until later.
It's going to be the best damn shave I've given myself in weeks. it will take no fucking time at all.
21 days.
Of hoping to simply survive it, alone.
