thoughts on driving through memphis

I'm traveling to new orleans soon, on business.
An old friend, who's afraid of flying, asked how I was getting down there.
Flying, of course.

Told her that I'd flown many times, and also driven through Memphis many times, and i find driving through Memphis to be more harrowing.

Which got me to thinkin' back....



Memphis.

Ah, Memphis.

A city known for social disease, vehicular homicides, and crimes against women.
I'm not making this up. these were factors that helped the city make the 10 worst places to live for women, a couple years back.

As outlined in Guns and Garden magazine.

Ok, I made that part up. Not the name of the magazine, it's a real magazine (see previous posts). But the article was actually in US News Report or something similar.

Memphis: Also known for good BBQ, Elvis, Sun Records, and one really good radio station, so it has it's good points, too.


Anyhow:

First time I drove through Memphis, we stopped for breakfast up the street from Graceland. It was about around 2am.
The woman working the grill at the Gridiron cafe (where Elvis used to go when he'd sneak out for peanut butter banana snandwiches, it said on the wall there) told us right off that she was into her third straight shift, cuz noone else showed up. She'd been taking orders and cooking for almost 24 hours straight.
And it was right out of My Cousin Vinny. We put our orders in, she turned around, got a big scoop of lard out of can, and threw it on the grill.

We'd been driving for many hours, so thought to relieve ourselves.
the men's room door was blocked.
With a body.
The body spoke to us when we tried to open the door.
"Use the other one" a demonic sounding voice croaked up at us from the bathroom floor.
A fine idea! Thanks for suggesting it.

Best part of that first drive through Memphis, besides the company I kept, was the security guard that came speeding up to us when we got out of the car at the gates of Graceland. We figured he was there to chase us away.
It WAS 3am after all.
He was a lonely soul, it turns out, and was happy for the company. Somewhere there are pictures of the me and my companions, posing in front of the Graceland sign.
At 3:00am.

In the rain.

2nd drive through Memphis was on the return trip home. We got sideswiped by a semi. That left a mark.

This was almost 12 years ago. I've likely driven through Memphis a dozen and a half times since then.

Each way.

It's the only city I've ever driven through, where you have to exit the highway 2x, to... stay on the highway.

I've seen semi tractor trailers lying upside down in the middle of an off-ramp. not tipped over, not rolled and mushed. Upside down, clean and neat. Like it was picked up by a giant hand, and turned over, and put gently back down.
Not surprisingly, there were a number of people standing around it, scratching their heads.

Only city in which I've consistently either missed or almost missed the exact same exit?
Memphis.
An exit, by the way, that you MUST take, to...remain on the highway you're already driving on.

The one time thus far in my life that my engine light's gone on, while on a big road trip?

7am on a Sunday morning in, drumroll please..... Memphis.
And just what do you suppose you can do about an engine light, at 7am on a sunday morning in Memphis?

Keep driving, of course. Always the best choice, when considering options in Memphis.

This is why we call my sister, every single time we make it through Memphis unscathed. She was driving when the semi hit us, all those trips ago. It's kind of a joke now, a joke that just never gets old.

"hello?"
"We made it through memphis!!!!"
"yay!"