For Fiona, on her 8th birthday.

So, my daughter's 8th birthday is upon us.

I'm sitting on my back porch, sipping luke-warm coffee and writing until the sun rises above the trees and blinds me, forcing me to take this party inside......

We are alone this morning, my wife and I.    Fiona is not with us.    She spent the night at girl scout camp.

Let me re-state to better emphasize.

She.

SPENT THE NIGHT

at girl scout camp.

Last night was the first night she's ever spent away from home, away from.... us.

We found out Monday afternoon that this was an option, she stated emphatically that she would NOT be doing THAT, we told her it was ok with us if she wanted to, but perfectly fine if she didn't, and by Tuesday evening she was.... hedging.

"Well..... maybe I'll want to do it....."

And by Wednesday morning, there was no uncertainty.   And upon arriving home from day camp on Wednesday, she was crazy ready, let's start packing RIGHT NOW!!!!"

And with nary a backward glance, she grabbed her overnight bag yesterday morning as she got out of the car, and.... was gone.

This, the girl who cajoles us to not leave her bedside every single night, and who, for the first six years of her life, ensured that we did not sleep much or well...

My wife, more prone toward... being a mom, whereas I'm kind of dad-like, was a bit sad about this development, in the midst of being proud of her.  One more baby step taken down the long road to independence, to.... loving us, but no longer needing us.        

Baby steps......

I'm a bit more.... me.  Combined with being a dad.    So I was extremely proud of her, and excited to watch a grown up movie with my wife, NOT on the little DVD player at reduced volumes because we didn't want to make too much noise while she was going to sleep.     

(Irony.... We watched Amelie, which is in French with English Subtitles.  We READ a movie, on the one night we could have cranked the surround sound....)

As parents, we continue to worry about her and be amazed by her, non-stop, in equal doses.   She has some issues that she might have to struggle with for her entire life.  They effect her ability to prioritize and focus, and can impact how she's perceived by others, especially in group settings (like.... classrooms.)

So, we worry.

But she's just so damn amazing.    Big heart, big brain, big imagination, great enthusiasm, incredible sense of humor...    And the most infectious laugh I've ever heard.  

When taking a step back from... everything, and remembering to slow down and to just... PAY ATTENTION FOR GODSSAKE (!!!), I constantly marvel at her thought processes, her facial expressions, and her growing sense of how she's a part of something much larger than she was able to process at a younger age.  

And her kindness.   My god, I hope the world treats her in a manner that will keep her from replacing her innate kindness with cynicism and shields....

Guess that's a "wait and see" and I'll just continue to enjoy her for who she is, while trying to help her  in her journey to who she will become.    

Fiona, you will always be an amazing gift.    Happy birthday, darlin'.