Arrive in time for the Opener.

Yeah, so I heard a song on my drive home from my daughter's violin lesson a bit ago.  
Song is Treason, from the band Naked Raygun.

Naked Raygun's a punk band outta Chicago, were active late 80's - early 90's, the same time period that found me working at my Alma Mater's FM radio station.   WDBM, East Lansing.  

Man, I was such a fan of this song, and the record that contained it.  The copy at the radio station was even pressed on red vinyl.      Sweet.

Snuck back to my hometown on a weeknight to catch them play the State Theatre, got back to my apartment around 2am, half deaf, half drunk and feeling so goddam cool for having gone on that adventure.  

Fast forward 12 years, I'm at the now-defunct rock club, The Double Door, In Chicago.
A good friend of ours boyfriends' band was one of six on the bill, a fundraiser for the Red Cross, JUST after 9/11.   We didn't love his band, but we loved our friend, Cara, and we liked being out with her, around music.    And of course, it WAS the Double Door, and I believe we might have been on the guest list.  It happened once or twice.  
So there we were, low musical expectations, half drunk and feeling so goddam cool....  

One of the other bands on the bill, The Pegboys, took the stage.   They played a song, and then stopped.  The guitarist stepped up to the microphone, and announced that for that night, given the circumstances of the show, maybe a different bands' music would be more appropriate.
Turns out, half the band were previously in... Naked Raygun.   I'm standing within spitting distance of the stage, watching an impromptu Naked Raygun set.   I was... transfixed, transcended, transported....
It was cool.

And I never would have experienced that, if I had not put myself in a position to be surprised and delighted.

Hey, it frequently didn't pan out.   For every surprise reunion set from a favorite band, were two nights where we decided it was more fun to stand out on the sidewalk, where the band noise was sufficiently muffled.  

But what if something amazing happened, and you weren't there?

In staying with the live music theme -  This is why we always try to arrive in time to catch the openers, and to stay for the headliner if the band we WANT to see's opening.     Because what if something amazing happened, and.....

Shoot, man.  You paid for the whole concert.    
And while it frequently doesn't pan out, if we didn't put ourselves in a position to be surprised and delighted, we never would have discovered Carbon Leaf.   We would showed up just in time for the headliner, enjoyed their set, and left, none the wiser.   20 years of awesome concerts, in three different states later, they've given us far more musical joy and memories, with far more friends, than any 5 other bands.    
All because we were open to putting ourselves in a position to be surprised and delighted.

Random Travel thoughts 2, Electric Boogaloo. I got out more.

So, The whole "Call a random # and find out about your car" bit worked shockingly well.
Almost like those folks had done this before.   Car was a Caddy, as apparently it was the only one in the area, so I got nudged up for nothing.
Driver was a very chatty guy from Thailand, originally.  
We got along well enough, except that about halfway to my hotel, he started talking about how he was going home for a vacation soon, and while there, he planned to visit prostitutes, because that's what you do on vacation.  That segued into a long, drawn out diatribe about how marriage is bad and.... I kinda put him on mute, in my head, after that.

He loves his daughter though, a ton.  Talked about her a lot.   Didn't see the disconnect...

Checked into my hotel, it was 7:45, which is 10:45pm in my head, and in my empty belly.
Hotel's on an island, there's...one restaurant, at the OTHER hotel on the island.  Guess I'll eat there.

Was offered a table by a portable heater, on the patio, overlooking the river and downtown Long Beach.  Realized that everyone there was seated by a heater.   It was sixty out, still.  
Um.... yeah.  Ok if I sit by the water over...there?
A $21 quesadilla and one beer later, and I'm walking back to my hotel.  

Day 2:    I stayed up crazy late watching TV, in hopes that I would NOT wake up at 2:30 local time this morning.   Forgot to turn off my phone, so the text my wife sent me at 2:15 CA time.... woke me up real good.
Curses.

Drifted back for a bit, eventually, but overall, I sink further into the hole.

Hoped to stumble across fellow employees at Residence Inn's free breakfast.   Dare to hope, even though I had no idea what they looked like.     I needed a ride to the conference...

Didn't really matter what they looked like, because the room was full of eastern european men in business casual, sitting together, and a couple tables of folks so obviously, stereotypically dressed to go on a cruise that I wondered if they were play acting.  

2nd cup of coffee went really well with the sunrise.  

random travel thoughts - I need to get out more - Part 1

Transcribed from original long hand form....

I sit here in seat 26D.
I've not been on an airplane in five years.  Five years ago - two different trips, five different airports, in 10 days.
Then... nothing.

Hasn't changed much, except perhaps the airlines have gotten even stingier with beverages.

So, 26D, midway through a flight from ORD to LAX.  I've already eaten the worlds smallest bag of pretzels, and drank a coke, and watched one of the movies I downloaded in preparation for this flight.

REDS - Fun movie.   Take the time, if you've not already seen it.

My wife and daughter gave up a book on spirituality and Minecraft, respectively, so that I could watch movies on the Kindle on my trip.
Wait..
Wife... daughter... spirituality.. minecraft....  YEP.  I got them in the right order.    

I'm writing this longhand, something I stopped doing a long time ago.  I have to slow my brain down when writing long hand.  That's not something I do well.

One of the first passengers to board in my section promptly threw up, upon finding their seat.  Yep, they HAD to know they were not well, two minutes earlier when they had not yet boarded the plane, but hey, no reason to NOT get on the plane, that will be full of people.    Those of us in the aisle noticed the smell, first.     The attendant claimed it was the smell of the plane de-icer, right to our faces, as we watched them clean up the mess.

So I got that going for me.
............................

I'm writing this with my Dale Carnegie pen, given to me at the end of one class, for having given the most inspirational speech of the week.  
It was about moving forward anyhow.

The universe kicks you in the nuts (gender specific, I realize...), you find very uncertain future ahead of you all the sudden, but you build the chicken coop and buy the chickens anyhow.
Because that was the deal, the promise.
So you just decide that it's all gonna work out, and...you keep the promise.  You buy the chickens.

That two minutes of livestock-themed inspiration earned me a pen.    I confess, now, to all of you here, that this was a speech I made up in class that very evening, after realizing that the one I practiced all the way to class, would offend at least half of the people in the room, after hearing all of them talk about their relationships with jesus christ.  

 I meant every word, but....  Ya just never know what's gonna resonate with folks.

I could have written all of that in 1/4 the time on a laptop.....
...........................
When I sat down, I thought maybe, Just maybe...this would be the flight I'd finally, after all these years, be able to sleep thru.

Silly boy.

............

We just hit a bump of turbulence, and I heard "uuuggghhhhhhhh" from behind me.   Hope that's not the puker....

..........

You know al those videos you see on FB, of the ridiculous LA traffic?    Yes, that's where I'm headed. And I'm supposed to calla phone # upon landing, give whomever answers my reservation #, and then find out when my car service will show up, and where.   Hope it's comfy, as it looks like I'll be sitting in it for awhile.

One day conference tomorrow, followed by three days/nights catching up w/ an old friend.  Itinerary's loose, almost comically so.

I will be happy just to be outside.

I hope there's pudding.

The evolution of adventure - the introduction of fretting

So, was chatting with an old friend the other day, catching up on lives, what we've got going on, etc.

This friend's a great guy for catching up.   Good sense of humor, wicked sharp and quick.

Was telling me that he had a weekend getaway adventure coming up, with just he and his wife.
They're going to a hotel in a bigger city.
What's on the itinerary?
Eating, talking.  Probably sometimes both at the same time.  

Man, that sounded pretty nice.      Not high on the adventure meter, but well earned for them.

Told him of my at-the-time unformed plans for a couple of days in Los Angeles, just around the corner.    The at-the-time unformed part was weighing on me a bit.  I was... fretting.  
One of my many goals for the new year is to fret less often, and I was off to a rocky start.

Biggest fret was uncertainty of where I'd be "crashing".

My friend, who knows this first hand more than anyone else I know, opined that this uncertainty was part of the romance, 25+ years ago, when you're doing it by design.   If you walk all night or catch a nap on a park bench somewhere in Europe because the random just didn't pan out that day... what a great adventure, a great story, a great memory......


But if it's NOT part of the plan....


Crashing.    A word that meant a lot more, 25 years ago.    A corner, a couch, a spare blanket... that was all that was needed.  It was the place you laid your head, gently or otherwise, at the end of your night.     And you frequently didn't know where that would be, until you realized it was the end of the night, and looked around.....

Dude, don't sweat it.  you can crash on my couch.  Here's a spare pillow.    

If you were lucky, there might even have been an old blanket available.

My favorite was a dilapidated fold out love seat in my buddy Neil's basement.  I used it frequently enough that I should have had a drawer there for a change of clothes and a toothbrush....  If your weight was too far toward the head of it, you'd flip the whole thing up like a teeter totter.  
That's value added, right there.

Most of us, at this point in our adult lives (unless you're one my younger readers.  Or the ONE younger reader....), might still use the word without thinking about it, but we're not as interested in crashing.  We've oftentimes others who will be needing to crash, too.   Spouse. kids.....  
Now, in word or not, we're asking to "Stay".  
"Can we stay at your place?" You ask, usually of someone who's home is a home now, and not just a convenient place for falling asleep and putting your shit.  
"Of course!" might be the answer, as the person begins mentally shuffling their family members around and thinking about towels and bedding.  

I've got absolutely no problem with doing it this way now.    I've worked hard to elevate my own level of existence over the last 25 years, to where I'm used to NOT sleeping on a floor.   And I know my friends have all done the same.   I don't need turn down service, but embrace the bougie-ness of not sleeping in a car.

But there's something lost in this middle aged need for comfort and stability and making sure your people are taken care of.    The "Fuck it" is kind of gone.  What constitutes "the adventure" is more and more just the stuff you plan to do "when you get there".  Instead of... the getting there.

Probably went away incrementally.  
Started with that one night where you found yourself driving at midnight still, further and further north in Wisconsin, because of two plus hours of no vacancies, each fruitless exit making you picture  hitting the MN north shore after being up for 28 hours straight, until you luck into the very last room at some random place so far away from everywhere that it must exist only to cater to... people like us.   Oh, and you got that very last room  because you decided NOT to hold the door for the folks who pulled in right behind you.  Lack of courtesy wins!  You get the key, and turn around, and see the dozen folks who have been going through the exact same thing.  A lobby full of dumb asses who are re-thinking their "Fuck it".

Then a bit more "Fuck it" melts away when you find that the hotel you reserved weeks ago, normally NOT full this time of year, is packed to the gills because some local issue with army reserve facilities, and that every other hotel that's not terrible in all of Blytheville, AR is similarly full up.  

Know what's near Blytheville, AR, my friends?   NOTHING.   just 80 minutes more interstate to a major city that's known for domestic abuse and vehicular homicide, and another couple hours further to... the next place down the road....

And then there was the time you tried finding two hotel rooms in the middle of nowhere during spring break, and the first 10 places you looked at were sold out because it's the middle of nowhere where everyone stops on their way to and from.. .spring break.  

And "fuck it" becomes "Fuck that" and you decide it's better to fret, going forward.


But, with the assurance from my buddy in L.A. that one way or the other, I will not get shanked by a homeless person for stealing their bench... I've chucked fretting.  
This time.
It's part of the adventure.       The likes of which I've not had the good fortune to have in far too long.

And I'm looking forward to it.  

People. Tradition.

So it’s 8am on the Friday before Christmas, as I write this. I have a full cup of coffee, but not for long. My wife’s in the other room, likely finalizing the list of what must be done today, in preparation for the holiday weekend.

This is the calm before the storm, in other words.

So much about the holiday season is discussed in terms of storms, chaos, losing ones’ mind… It’s amazing that most of us still look forward to it, year after year, whatever form it may take for you, my reader. And it really IS amazing.

Think about it. No, really, think about it for a moment.

I need more coffee. I’ll be right back…
…Cup is full again, and came with a small plate of cookies.

Oopsie.

For the vast majority of us, no matter our cultural and spiritual affiliations, December is a busy month.And we are already a busy people. And yet, here we are again.

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends….”  

– William Shakespeare, from Henry V

I blame people, and tradition. We tend to like people. And we value our traditions.

When we have the opportunity to combine the two, we determine that it’s well worth the… hassle.

So I will finish this and my 2nd cup of coffee, and begin cleaning diligently. My wife’s already started prepping food for tomorrow’s family gathering. We are doing this on… not nearly enough sleep, because we were at a very nice party last night with a bunch of people, friends that were simply happy to be there, and to be celebrating the season with each other. We all spoke of our own chaotic plans and crazy schedules, and we did so with joy because of what the chaos and craziness brings us.

People.

Tradition.

This is a re-print of an article I wrote for Stridepost, two years ago.   Re-publishing here with permission.

Christmas thoughts 2017

Coffee is gone (parting is such sweet sorrow)

Laundry is started

Mouse traps are placed (little $%^^& had a loud party in a vent by my bed, at 2a this morning...)

I'm sitting at my dining room table, looking out the window at the snow covered fields, and thinking about my life, and about the holidays.

This year, I'm trying something new.   I'm just going to embrace all things christmas, without reservation.    I know we all have our role to play, and mine's traditionally been that of a good-hearted curmudgeon, but... not this year, baby.

You want to listen to christmas music, and it's the day BEFORE Thanksgiving?  No problem, sweetie.  

Turn that shit up!

"Is there christmas music somewhere on the radio?" she asked the other night, on the way to a riding lesson.    

"I don't know.  But I'll find out while you're riding." 

Which involved rifling through the owner's manual, as I've not used the radio since I bought the car, relying almost exclusively on my iPhone for music and podcasts.   

Once educated on the details of working my car's stereo.... there are TWO local radio stations playing christmas music, and I've programmed BOTH of them in.    

So, yeah, working at the whole "just say yes / enthusiasm" thing this year.

Because.... I really need to.     It's part of me simply trying to be a kinder, more empathetic person, all the time.   Or at least... a lot more often.     

I've been re-visiting some of the good takeaways from a Dale Carnegie class, of late.    

Something that's stuck with me since I took the class, out of desperation of an un-fixably toxic work situation almost three years ago.  

You decide how you're going to act and re-act to other people, and ultimately, how you'll look at life and the world around you.    You get to make that choice, every single time.   The goal is to do it with enough frequency and consistency that it becomes the norm, not a novel experiment.  Like anything else worth doing, you practice and train to get better...

Being mindful enough, in the moment, to make the decision, instead of automatically reacting, is the tricky part.

And while I'm not there yet, I'm gaining.    

Insert dialog from Bill Murray's speech at the end of Scrooged, here.   

Life is never... boring.   Seems you get right on some levels, and something else happens that you were not expecting.   There's always SOMETHING that will appear on the scene to trip you up, and keep you down.        

But it's still Christmas.    It's still a time that's very important to those I love and who are important to me, and because of that - I shall not pee in the holiday punch any longer.       

I will play christmas music when noone is around to see me do it.

I will say "yes", more.    

I will embrace all of it, to the best of my ability.

I will be a better man for having done so.  

So, yeah.    My christmas thoughts this year.     Take the time to practice NOT letting the bad things guide your choices.   Appreciate what you DO have, instead of lamenting what you do not.

Play christmas music, without reservation.     

Turn that shit up.

Thanksgiving Football

Walked through the break area this morning, and lost 2 IQ points by glancing up at FOX on the TV.   
I wasn't using those two, anyhow. Hard hitting news this morning?  All the viewers sending in messages about how they're going to ban the thanksgiving football game in their house tomorrow. 
I call bullsh*t. And not just because I LOVE that word. Which i do. A lot. I'm refraining from typing it over and over right now. 

I'm not saying a few won't actually follow through, but overall - b*llshit. 

Firstly, because.... we say shit.   All the time. We talk a good outrage, a good new life plan a good... whatever.   But the reality is, it's generally just that.   Talk.
And nothing more.
But specific to this topic - You either don't watch it to begin with, or you'll watch it. Because that's what people do, every year, automatically, on Thanksgiving;  It's a tradition, on a day built and maintained on tradition. 
If you aren't staring glassy-eyed at the TV, running in and out of the living room for scores, or simply saying "Oh, I'll eat in the living room because of space", what will you do instead? 
You're already crabby because you smashed your Keurig in solidarity with Hannity, so you had to run out and buy an actual coffee maker at the last minute because your guests are going to want coffee. You've forced yourself to be civil and grunt at one another for a couple of hours already.   
Or you'll intend not to watch, but SOMEONE(s) at your gathering will get upset because they can't watch TV, and... a TV will go on. Does it still count if it's the TV on top of the beer refrigerator in the garage? 
Yes.   

But most of you  -  NEED that football game. 
You'll watch from the very beginning, so that you can point at those opting to take a respectful knee, and make loud, probably-on-some-level-racist comments about them, and feel more patriotic the process.  Nobody fought and died for your freedom to take a knee! they did it for the flag!!!!  'Murica! You'll be doing this, by the way, from the comfort of your lazy-boy.   You won't be standing, MAGA hat removed, hand over heart, in your living room.   You will not get see the irony. 
The irony and hypocrisy WILL escape you, because your very outrage is based on your inability to understand nuance and concepts that do not fit into your narrow, privileged world view. 
And the math of the after-math will escape you as well.    If ratings drop at all from previous years, victory will be claimed, even though the # of fewer viewers will be but a very small percent of the # of folks voicing outrage.     Victory will be claimed, via tweet. 

Of COURSE all of the above is based AN OVERSIMPLIFIED VIEW OF HOW THOSE WHO HAVE A DIFFERENT WORLDVIEW THAN MINE, live their lives. 
That's kind of the point.   A harsh illustration of the fundamental wrongness of living ones' life in this manner. 
So... how about we all try to do better? 

Whatever you do, whatever traditions you hold dear or choose to discard... may your thanksgiving be a time of positive reflection and fellowship.