Christmas thoughts, 2013

Not saying there won't be more posts this month, but regardless....

Christmas season is upon us.
We fought it off until AFTER Thanksgiving.
See, by doing this, we could feel all good about ourselves and our priorities and values.
Oh, and because we really DO hate how Christmas has crept and spread until it's crowding Halloween.

I don't do great with Christmas, and I've spent countless time puzzling over it.

Because... it's a puzzle.  I like giving and receiving gifts, and my adult self has grown to appreciate the idea that they're physical manifestations of the love we have for one another.  It's not just a bauble or warm pajamas or the right book.  It's the effort, and the understanding of what makes the people in my life tick, what makes them smile, makes them.... them.  See I pay attention, and you're worth the effort...

And in turn, I'm shown the same thing.  And I'm grateful for the people in my life for which I put in the effort, and they - me.   I can't imagine how this season would be if I didn't have them.

I love being a Dad and a Husband on Christmas morning.   I longed to be a dad for so many years, and I've not yet taken the fact that I finally get to be one, for granted.

And so I struggle to not let the crowds and the chaos and the chore list and the stress and everything else get the better of me, year in and year out.  Every year I work hard to make sure that I do not lose sight of what Christmas is all about, and about what it means to me and my family.

But, Fuck.

People, mankind... they really know how to mess up a good party.
People getting stabbed, fighting over towels at Walmart.
Folks waiting for you to get done with your insane-ass midnight shopping, so they can steal your purchases and go home.
Shoplifters shutting a cop's arm in a car door and starting to drive off until they take one in the shoulder.
Over $50 worth of clothes from Kohl's...
Last year it was people stepping over a dying man.
A few years back, the first year it seemed we all truly crossed some line, it was footage of some old woman getting trampled outside a Grand Rapids area Walmart on friday morning, while trying to keep her bad wig in place.
West Michigan - REPRESENT!!    

And it's become so commonplace that we're not even outraged any more.    Jesus, we should be....

"Oh, the bad drunk's crying about nothing and hanging on everyone and trying to goad people into wrestling and will either pass out or throw up or both in the next little bit..."  and we just roll our eyes and try not to get too close as he starts the big fade.
It's a big party, live music, great food, lot's going on...
But he somehow becomes the story every time, just the same.

The story.... The media's complicit in this crime against my soul.   They're the ones keeping the spotlight on the drunk at the party.  Hey everyone, look at this guy acting the same way he acts every time there's a party.  But keep looking!  Over here!!!  Looky!!!!

I was watching Elf the other night.
(Gotta watch the first christmas movie of the season after putting up the tree and decorating the house.)

And, not surprisingly, I got a bit choked up at the end, when the crowd began singing christmas carols, causing Santa's sleigh to fly solely under the power of christmas spirit....

While this scene always seems to effect me, it's nothing compared to Scrooged, when Bill Murray gives his big speech at the end.  You know the scene.  It's a good 'un.

These are expertly crafted pieces of storytelling, designed to tug on heart strings. And they succeed.
Niagra Falls, Frankie Angel.....

But then I find myself with a lump in my throat, watching some FB posted video, of a flash mob in a crowded mall, breaking into christmas carols.   Not because of the singing, but because of the huge crowd's gradual change from self-involved hyper consumers, to... people.  Real freakin' people. The mall grows quiet, people stop moving, and let themselves be taken over by the moment.

And I'm finally able to verbalize the underlying issue.

I want that.
That moment, that epiphany, when everyone realizes that it feels soooo damn good to get out of your own head and out of your own way for a few minutes.  To put aside your own selfish agenda, and simply be part of some organic life-affirming moment.  The people who happened to be at the mall that day, didn't go home and tell everyone about the drunk at the party.
"You'll never guess what happened.... it was beautiful... "

My god, but I want that.   I ache for it.  

And if the opportunity to have it presents itself, I can only hope that my mind and heart are open to it.


This is my christmas wish this year.
For myself, and for all of you.