I talk funny. More people should.

 

So.

I talk funny.

Not all the time.

And not the same way each time.   But....I talk funny.

Y'see, I've... lived in a LOT of different places. 

Spent first 50 years of my life living in multiple homes, in...

• Four different states
• 12 different municipalities

And, you know.

Words.

People's stories.

People AS stories

Kinda my thing.

And now I talk funny.

I was in Chicago for a few years, after leaving the deep, damned damp south, and my business calls would still regularly be interrupted by whomever I was talking to asking:

            Did you just say "Fixin'"?

Uh...I didn't NOT say it....

I'm in MI now, 20 years later, and have reached a level of  business-casual in my work email correspondence. 

        Y'all:  I just bange out a new audit, comparing.....

Noone says boo.

Almost 40 years ago, I was hanging out with a group of guys from Balto, MD, in Dayton, OH.  Was their first trip to OH, and they were getting a kick out of pronouncing it "OooooHIIIIIIIooooooooo", with their Balto accents.

Bastards.

I was born there, still have people, there.  

And I find myself calling it "OoooooHIIIIIIIooooo" but with my southern OH accent.

Which, by the way, ONLY EXISTS WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT OHIO.

it turns on instantly.      Drives my wife crazy.   

Last night, I caught myself, and then had to try to think about the correct way to pronounce it..

And yeah, I can whip out stereotypical chicago accent like g.d. champ.  15 years, you pick up a couple of things... Most of the time it's intentional.    

Occasionally..... 

The thing about my talking funny is:  accents weren't the only things I learned, the only things I picked up, as I moved about.  Different ways of thinking, of cooking of... existing day to day.   

MS survival skills

CHI survival skills.   

VERY different skill set.

I've thought about this more and more, in a professional context, since moving back to MI.

I've worked for Colombians, the Japanese, companies HQ'd from Hong Kong to Etobicoke, Banks to Banana companies.....

And accept for when I've lived in  MI, the folks I worked with, generally had similar experiences.

Didn't notice the complete lack of this sort of thing when I was a younger fella, here.  lots of people hadn't been anywhere or done anything yet.   I DID know I was hosed one afternoon, however, when a boss told me she thought degrees were worthless. 

27 years later, I moved back.

My first boss when I moved back to MI was by far the worst, though I continue to see it even today, albeit in more benign doses.

She had lived the same 15 mile stretch of corn and meth labs her entire life.  Started at our mutual employer in high school and went exactly nowhere else.. ever.

To put it as kindly and as in-actionably as possible - She did not talk funny.    

But fuck, she really needed to be able to do so.

Jesus on the El Train - a True Story

 A true story, from my time living 'round Chicago.

I just canNOT figure out why folks automatically assume I'm telling tall tales, when I say stuff like:

 "I saw Jesus Christ on the El train once...."

(I mean, fuck.  who HASN'T?)

And when I told the tale, I was asked "Why haven't you wrote the song yet?"

Because my song writing skills are shite.

But here's a pass.  might be playing it live in a couple months.... Hoping the person who asked, will work with me to clean it up before we put it out there.

all rights reserved, cannot be used without my written consent, etc etc etc.  

AND blah blah blah.   

mustn't forget THAT.

_____________________

Jesus on the El Train

 

1.  Barely made the train after work the other night

Ran up and down, far too many flights

Winded and sweaty and flushed and sore

When Jesus walked through the door. 

(refrain)

Saw Jesus Christ on the El Train

Was it just the freak of the day?

But there was Jesus christ.  On the El train.

I wonder if he paid?

 

2.  It’s been decades since I last confessed

Not since my sins became my grins

But Jesus was standing in my el train car

The answer to the big question

 

(Refrain)

 

(bridge)

I’m sorry about that one thing, But I was young

And didn’t know

And how I handled that other thing

But I really had to go

But here’s where we’re gonna part

I’m not sorry for my lust and impure heart

 

3. Jesus Christ was in my El train car

And I had just started to get right

When he walked on past me

and out of sight

 

4.  Keep steppin’ random crazy guy

You weren’t the one from on most high

Glad you moved on before I had to start

Examining my own heart

(refrain)

_________

He was from a hispanic christian sect of some kind. when he passed me, radiating peace. he stopped to speak with two young hispanic women, who were not weirded out at all. 

I remember being really relieved when I saw that everyone could see him....

Anti-social media

 

Woke up to snow on the ground, and an ill spouse.   

Can't say as I was expecting either one of those.

So I sip a cup of coffee, quietly clean up a bit, and try not to question my lot in life, all the decisions made that brought me to this exact point.

The spouse is back in bed, and the snow appears to be melting.     Wonder what's gonna happen next?

Read this week that Trump's Truth Social is officially and thoroughly a flop.  Noone uses it.

People go on, see the lack of activity and post stuff like "Anyone here?"   Didn't help that the man himself never uses it, either.    Built his own platform, after getting kicked off all the ones that have rules, and that people actually use..........

And it got me to thinkin'.........

If noone uses your social media platform, is it still social?    How social is, say, an Ice Cream Social, if you couldn't get in at first, then when you finally could, you find noone there, and no ice cream?  Do you even bother turning the lights on?

What we have here, is anti-social media.    

Let's develop a platform for malcontents, to never use.    

Once we develop it, we'll do a big advertising spend to bring them in.   maybe ads on AOL and Myspace?    

Is pre-ghost Ebenezer Scrooge available?  we need a "face" for the campaign.

I follow my neighborhood's FB page.     It's a frequently head-scratching combination of folks still fighting to keep a speed limit from going up, that's already gone up; folks bitching about animal waste, and people running stop signs and has your trash been picked up /street plowed / power out?  

with the occasional request for information that OP could have gotten by googling.  

 

Maybe there's something to my anti-social media idea, after all.....

His brain flits around like an amped up Monarch butterfly in a field of wild flowers....

 

Kid's asleep, coffee cup is full..... might as well.  

I mean.... I'm up.

Was so nice, opening the house up a little yesterday.

Turned off furnace, was gonna be a nice night to sleep....

Been since... maybe forever, that our idiot rescue dog was in bed with us with windows open, when the thunder started...

I mean, it was one thing for the murder kitty to go nose to nose with me, and then step over my head because a window was open and she wanted to lie in it.

at least that was funny and, more importantly, during the GODDAMN DAY.

But since my wife's at work, and the teenager's going home in a bit...    

perfect day to "grumble 'round my little parlour....."(Music reference for any who might get it)

the girl she makes me pulverized, I feel so very strange...

sorry.  where was I?

oh.  Sleepy and crabby.    Yeah, that's engrossing reading right there.  

moving on.

Russia has "GONE TO WAR" with Ukraine.

Like when I was in 3rd grade, and the 8th grade bus stop bully "went to war" with me.  only... an uncountably high % worse, what with death and destruction and all....

i remember laying there in the wet grass, crying, my head throbbing from where i was punched, from behind if I remember correctly.   (he was somewhere behind me in line)

I remember thinking "If only i wasn't a liberal snowflake, worried all about cancel culture and feelings, I'd understand the big picture" of how I came to be lying there.

pretty damn advanced for a nine year old in 1976, if I do say so myself.

Was a daughter weekend, this weekend.      

tympany!!!!!!!!

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

'twas light.   

only ... 6 round trips in 36 hours.   

of course, to finish off the weekend with those kind of numbers, you KNOW I just didn't bother to bring her home, at least once.   

damn.   hang on....

nope.  she's asleep in her room.   Guess we ended strong, at least.   

would be lots of yelling and finger pointing, I expect, if I showed up to sunday morning rendezvous with no child in the car.     

shit.  I knew I was forgetting something.   

My bad.   

But if she turns up, here's her stuff.

Had Emergency dental surgery... five days ago.  70+ minutes in the chair, while they sawed and hammered and chipped away.  no gas.  no local.  Just numbing the destruction zone.

worked the morning before I left for it, checked emails from bed all afternoon, and was at my home office desk before 7a the next morning,      Put in six hours last sunday at the office, while in fuckton of pain because of... need for emergency dental surgery.

went home from work early on monday, day before the surgery, cus... i hurt so bad I couldn't focus.    First time calling off sick in years.   Cus.. been working from home.....

My boss texts me from his vacation.    Wanted to know if I needed to use any vaykay time  to make up lost time due to EMERGENCY SURGERY.

I'm salaried.     And because of pandemic and working from home, I've not called off sick in literally years.      

Also, I have little patience for this sort of thing.   Thankfully, it was never an issue, until a recent change in management.

After good naturedly asking him if I need photographic proof of the surgery or not, and him assuring me it was not necessary.....

"Well, take whatever you feel is correct, for a salaried person when they miss time for EMERGENCY surgery.     Let me know what you decide.    Oh, but make sure to account for the 6 hours I gave you on sunday, please, and enjoy your vacation!"

great

googly

moogly.

winter farmer's market, and if the poo shitz.....

 Good morning, sports fans.  

Coffee is good, the air is cold, and I've got nothing but time.  

(untrue.  I've other stuff, as well)

Let's, shall we?

It's 7:15 am, the dog has moved to her day location, and is resting from the journey.

Murder-kitty is in ambush position#3, just inside my bedroom door.

I'd say the morning's coming along nicely.

Later (I have to spread the fun out, so I don't explode), I'll swing by my elementary school gym, this year's location of the city's winter farmer's market.      

know what's really NOT the focus of winter farmer's market?   

farmers.

produce.    

Nary a farmer to be seen.   But the bakeries and coffee roasters and fresh meat and cheese people will be there.    probably buy a knit hat if I wanted.....

and there's always honey.     

Cuz it's a farmer's market law, I believe.  

without it, you can't include the word "farmer" in the title.  

I don't know that this is true, but people are talking...

Summer market, you plan your saturday morning 'round it.   hell, that's just to find parking...

Winter....  "I'm double parked, even though the lot's basically empty.  we can be in and out in 5.  shall we leave it running?"

looks around at the neighborhood where he went to elementary school.

"nope.  we shouldn't.   Lock it up...."

Hmmm.... Not bad, for sitting down in front of my laptop without a plan. 

probably gonna blow it, next up.

Quick.  words that don't belong together.   And... go.

Designer + dog.

interesting choice.   I was gonna go with "Stafford" and "Super Bowl", but we'll use yours.

"I want a dog, but I don't want any dog that ALREADY EXISTS ON THIS PLANET.  INVENT NEW ONES!  GET BUSY!!!!"    (followed by petulant foot stomping)

great look, folks.    Great look.  

I've a couple of draft essays in the can.   I couldn't finish them.  

lost steam, topics I thought would carry me thru didn't.. 

whatever.     

Above swerve to designer dogs is an attempt to use some of what's in the can.  A kernel of an idea not strong enough to blossom into any kind of serious word count....

it's a result of getting hit by a # of references to how we MUST always have bigger and newer and shinier, even though....  we really don't have to.  

(do these shoes match my dog?   Will I need a different dog for after Labor day?)

And to a lesser extent, the divide and disconnect between us as a people.

The "close puppy mills" / "adopt /rescue" crowd, vs. the "If you cross a shitzu and a pekinese and a miniature poodle, will it make a decent fashion accessory?" crowd.

most of us are in the middle, there, somewhere, or not part of the equation at all.    

Like with most divides and disconnects between us as a people....

 

 

  

Curbside Christmas / Excessive Idleness / birthdays on the fly. I hope you like it, at least.

 

Good morning, and happy new year.

It's a brand new year, I've most of a cup of microwaved coffee and a couple of not-quite-stale christmas cookies. 

let's get weird.       

In signing in to write this, this morning, I discovered that someone celebrated the winter solstice, by reading... my blog.  Like... a whole lot of it.

Every so often, this happens.  I sign in after not writing anything for a bit, and... there are 75 hits on one random day; I can see exactly which posts were read, how many times, etc. 

Each time, I wonder who it was, and what compelled them to keep reading, and each time... I never know the answer, obvs.

Hope they liked it, at least. 

It's a brand new year, and I've a herd of deer walking down my unplowed street, and a flock of cardinals duking it out at my bird feeders, which have seen NO action, for the last week.

hope they like it, at least.

Today was supposed to be my family's annual christmas gathering.    Seemed like, as we got closer this year, the dithering and dire weather predictions and such started a bit earlier than normal.

Almost like something, something huge, has caused the non-delusional among us, to exercise more caution than we used to do.

maybe.   

The winter weather threat that cancelled this year... a bit of a popcorn fart.  Lots of build up... and then all fizzle and no sizzle.   

the three or so inches of snow on the ground are pretty, if not particularly unsafe.   it's not quite a picture postcard, but....

Hope everyone likes it, at least.

Anyhow, due to predicted weather, and what ended up being a need for some to quarantine.....family christmas was 15 minutes long, two days ago.  

My sis dropped stuff off and picked stuff up, and later in the day, I stopped by my mom's for 60 seconds to pick up the stuff that was left, there, by others.

And when I called her first to make sure it was ok to come by, I was told "As long as you're NOT planning to stay and talk."      alrighty, then.

Not very festive, but everyone should end up with the correct presents, eventually..

Hope they like them, at least.

Today is last day of my paid christmas break.    I mean, of course I signed in and had to do a bit of work most days, compared to 90% of other salaried folk, cuz... ships and trains don't stop, just because you're on shut down....

But it was nice, and I've never lost sight of the fact that it's a sweet gift I get from my employer, every year.

Even if I did virtually nothing outside of chores and moving some stuff from the country house, all week.     

"Idle" is not my thing.   But "I don't know what to do with myself" IS my thing.

You can imagine how well this has gone at times, lo' these 54 years.

If nothing else, it means that when my wife tells me to "not worry about the house" because she'll take care of it when she gets home from work......   I will OF COURSE worry about the damn house.

At least a little.

Birthday was on the fly this year, which is fine. 

Nice card and fresh coffee waiting for me when I woke up, presents from family already opened due to the 15-minute family christmas; a couple presents to unwrap at some spur of moment time later in day when my wife got home; celebratory texts and calls at random moments throughout the morning.....   good enough.   

In part because it de-emphasized the fact that it was my birthday.   

I realized, awhile ago, I don't actually like birthdays.  Mine.  

Other people's are fine, and I hope they like them, at least. 

I don't care that I'm getting older; I stopped worrying that I wasn't "far enough along" in my life, decades ago; and I'm not of a weird religion (redundant?) that doesn't acknowledge them.

It's just that once I stopped expecting the actual to somehow meet my expectations, when I couldn't even clearly state my expectations.... life got easier 

Growing up, it was always shoe-horned in around Work and travel schedules.  So be it, it was all I knew, so....  And There were years when I'd hear about how tight money was for christmas, knowing of course my birthday was five days after.....     

I am not bitching, as a middle-aged-grown-ass-man.  One has no business bitching, really, after you've decades to sort it out for yourself.   

At whom does one bitch, at this point?     

(Man stands in yard, shaking fist at clouds.   Not a good look.)

I know the best that could be done, was done, and I appreciate it for what it was. 

But now, NOT trying to force it to be more: NOT being told " don't wash that dish, it's your birthday!" for example, while my birthday's absolutely NOT an all-day thing in any other way....   NICE.

   

And a casual dinner / beers with friends to end it..,. was perfect.  

 I hope I liked it, at least.

I checked just now, and... I did.

 

 

   

Tasty bathroom water and old habits. You know you're already intrigued.

 

Alright. 

So - a few weeks back, we put a water bowl in the bedroom.

Why?

So the damn dog wouldn't whine to go out at 3a, only to run to the bathroom, drink from the toilet, belch contentedly, and run back into the bedroom and onto the bed.

hypothetically speaking, of course.

Anyhow, the small bowl of water in the bedroom is now the preferred source of hydration for both the idiot dog, and the psycho kitty.   

I guess the water that comes out of the bathroom tap is just tastier than what comes from the kitchen.

today, twice now, she's gone to town on her food, stopping to walk across the house to get water.

Why, yes.  Yes there IS a full bowl of water right next to her food bowl.

it's been full for a long time now....

At least she only thinks I'm going to abuse her, about 19% of the time, now.     almost four months in, I'm guessing this is where it will stay.

Until unless I start abusing her...

The psycho kitty?  she'll sit in front of it for extended periods, just to remind the dog who's boss.

Tonite, just a few moments ago, I saw my chance.

My kid was in the shower, and the dog was outside.... 

I filled the bowl with kitchen water.

 " Today we're at world famous blah blah blah in New Orleans, and we've switched   their normal coffee with folgers instant crystals.   let's see what happens, with hidden camera...."

I didn't know it, as a child when this ad ran.   But as an adult, I can, with confidence, call bullshit.   Unless, perhaps, this world famous eatery in New Orleans, served shitty coffee to begin with.   

Like... one of those terrible coffee vending machines in the kitchen, with a pile of quarters, only instead of quarters, it takes tiny pieces of the souls of those who ingest it.......

- level shitty.  

Fuck.  Dog just barked, and the water bowl sailed over the gate into the hallway.

Oh, c'mon.  Dog's a moron, remember?   A sweet, reasonably well behaved one, but.... 

So, there's a story.  happened a few weeks ago, whilst fall was still beautifully fall-y.

It's about growing up, realizing your perspective has changed, and a weird dude by the side of the road.

wanna?

The woman I married, lived on the street a couple back from my own.

but 12 miles further west.    We call it the country estate.   And then laugh.

I was blessed with this drive, especially in spring and fall. you hit the county line and it's nothing but dirt roads and trees.   

In the winter... you use the highway a mile further south. I mean, no reason to be an idiot....

I was contemplating this on a particularly fall-y evening drive back to the city place,  and how right it felt that this splendor would be our guide, on endless trips back and forth, when I saw him.

Dude, standing behind his pick up truck, on the opposite side of the road.  

Road's narrow and... barely a road in places, so you go slow...

He was getting out his... guitar.    And as I drove on, I saw him the rear view, strumming and singing to... the creek that was there, perhaps.   or maybe just accompanying it's music.

"Wanke..." I started.    But I stopped.

See, old stuff, old...ways, can still come on automatically.  

Always without thought. 

duh. 

"automatic".  

.My younger, angrier, unhappier self, would have found it necessary to judge the  wanker guy.  And I would have had help, or at least a cheering section, more oft than not.

Old habits.   Of no value.   

There I was, dodging potholes, realizing he was not, indeed, a wanker.   

(as far as I knew, at least)

He was just a guy who fed his soul

sitting on his tailgate and playing the guitar

next to a stream.

as the sun slowly set.    

Who unknowingly reminded me that I'm no longer young, angry, nor unhappy like I was, in my youth, and wasn't it all exhausting, for no good reason?

And am no one to judge another's eccentricities.

So there you go.  

Now off you pop to bed.

Weddings, bad behaviour, and what happens when the universe gets involved.

 

sunday morning.
coffee...various animals.... the Mrs..... 

Let's.   Shall we?

Pretty sure I wasn't married, the last time I wrote here.     So that's kind of a thing.

Easy button made permanent.   how cool is that?

As we sit, companionably, in our VERY crowded little house (was supposed to be a MUCH bigger house, but... things happen.).

Dog's asleep next to me.   Cat was laying on the back of couch until a moment ago, right next to my head.      

WAS.  

until my mere presence was enough to make her lash out, without warning.

Felt vaguely familiar, like moments from my past life I can't quite place...

Wedding was lovely, and the support from friends and family made our hearts very happy.  

Everything went great, our time away, after, was exactly what we needed, and we were simply... content and happy with all of it.

until we got our wedding photos.... 

Won't go into detail here, but.... as it's not possible to gather everyone together, all dressed up, again... it's a good thing we have our memories.  

Oh, and my wife had never seen me get really good and upset before.    Everyone assumes, because I come across as pretty laid back most of the time, that... I'm pretty laid back.

and I am. 

until.

Was downtown last night, doing a bit of shopping.   We timed it so that, when we were done, we had to decide about dinner.   Do we stay or do we go?   if we stay there will be trouble... if we go there will be double...

uh... what?  oh.   Sorry.

So we made our way into Burdick's.    We were seated right away.   and...ignored. for a really long fucking time.    finally got a drinks order in, and 20 minutes later... we were putting on our coats.    Waitress strolled up with my beer, looked at us with our coats on, and said "Oh.  are you not staying?"   with a smirk.     She then told us that it was the host's fault, because SHE DIDN'T WANT US IN HER SECTION, and we were put there any way.

You really showed THEM.    twit.

on the way out the door, I stopped at the hostess desk.  "waitress just blamed y'all for the service she did NOT give us.".   

And the oh so busy waitress was RIGHT there next to me all the sudden, NOT to defend herself, but to DOUBLE DOWN on what she had said.    While I'm still standing there.

Until....

a couple of unpleasant  minutes later, we're out in the hall, while my wife puts her jacket on.   A nicely dressed older man walks by.  He had a worried look on his face.

Once layered, we're back outside, quietly fuming at the shear ridiculousness of what had just happened, when we notice a nicely dressed older WOMAN on the sidewalk, with a worried look on HER face.  

She looked, to be honest, like she was about to start crying.   We approach her.

She explained that her date had gone to get the car, but she hadn't seen him yet, and THOUGHT she was waiting for him in the right spot, and gosh, everyone's just so nice... 

My wife assured her that this was NOT the case, but... we were, at least.  and then we told her about the guy we had seen a moment before, and she was SO relieved.  

I stayed on the sidewalk with her, surreptitiously angling myself to block some of the wind and cold, while my wife ran back inside.  As I was not ready to go back into the restaurant, it was the best arrangement....  My new friend started to relax a bit, now that she had help.   we were having a nice chat, and I was trying to figure out the best way to offer her my coat, when my wife comes back outside with the gentleman in tow.   

After a brief round of "thank yous" and "no problems", we parted company with smiles.   As we were starting to walk away, I heard them start to discuss where they got their signals crossed. 

They did so in a respectful and sweet way.   

maybe that's why, at age 80+, they were still dressing up and going out on dates together. 

Way to keep an eye on the long game.

And.. Universe.  Nice job, there, making us feel like we were treated shabbily for a good reason.  

weird, but... nice job.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your proteins, but you shouldn't pick your friend's protein..... something like that.... whatever.

 

Sun's not up yet, kid's not sleeping in the next room, coffee's 2.75 hours old.

Let's drive it like it's someone else's rental.

Thought I'd mix it up a bit.   how'd I do?   

True story about the coffee,  tho'.   

Wedding's in a week, and we may or may not still be getting a kilt in the mail in time.  Besides that.... sound as a pound.   

Honestly - once you pick the spouse, everything else is gravy.

or should I say:  Everything else is the cooked fat and 'juice' from an animal, mixed with flour and starch?

"what the hell?"   you ask.     

read on.   duh.

We were at sup last night (no, this is not a trick to get you to ask "what's sup?"), when our very polite, slightly nervous waitperson asked my fiance to "pick your protein".

Damn.  I'm drooling now, just thinking about it.

hmmm.... I think i'll go with the dead pig today, steeped in the by product of burning wood, I think.   and Could I get a side of starch fried in fat, please?   Maybe some fiber with a little spiced vegetable based condiment on it?    What's that?  oh, yes.  Definitely cover it in dairy-based melted goodness.

Thank God it wasn't breakfast.   Don't even want to try to make up the conversation involving eggs.

Words are amazing things.  

Used with a modicum of effort, they can paint any kind of picture the user, the artist, wishes.   Make a couple good word choices and.... viola. 

Don't bother at all and....   that's what's brought us together, today.

And context.   Fuck.  Context is HUGE.

In this case, we were at a restaurant that already had one strike from a previous visit. 

And last night's "We've a new menu!"  turned out to be simply less of the old menu. 

 

"Well, maybe the waitstaff can recommend something......"

yep.   He recommended we "pick a protein".     Way to sell it, dude.

Was Soylent Green, a protein source?

"It's...PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!"

You'll be shocked to know that, when approaching food from that angle, you ended up getting a plate of food that tastes like what you'd get when you "pick a protein".

Could we get a vegetable-based recyclable containing unit please?  maybe my domesticated Canine Lupus Familiaris would like to ingest this.....

  

Poisoning my dog on purpose, and the delight of exhausting inactivity. Oh, and my kid keeps growing up....

Kid's still asleep, I've a full cup of rather odd tasting coffee, the dog's made the grueling trek from bed to chair next to me... 

let's drive it like it's stolen.

Good morning, fellow travelers. 

So, I poisoned my dog, earlier this week. 

On purpose.

She was insolent…..

Nah.  That’s the scientific way to kill heart worms.

See you poison the dog juuuuust enough to kill the worms, whilst hoping NOT to kill the dog.

Hope.   It’s the thing w/ wings.

Like... "I HOPE they've done this on a LOT of other dogs, before Maggers..."

So she walks under her own power to the car, looks at the back seat, and basically collapses.  

    (See, this is why I didn’t rescue the 120#  bull dog with the amazing face, right out of a tom and             jerry cartoon.  I can do curls with my dog.  one armed.   As far as you know.)

Got all 30# of her in the car, and then drove 50 minutes home, my hand reaching back to steady her when I’d stop or turn.  

Too weak to get in the car, barely able to walk… no problem wobbling into my room and leaping onto the bed, once we got home, and didn’t move for almost 16 hours.

Which is only slightly longer than any other day…..

Inactivity can, apparently, be exhausting.  

_________________________________________________

Yeah, you savvy consumers just picked up on my segue.   Great job!  

You’re doing great!

 

I’ve had a week of exhausting inactivity.  

And considering all the plates that are spinning, this was quite a feat.

No movement on either house; no promised call backs from hunters of head…

All kinds of big stuff, not moved a single iota forward. 

Shit’s exhausting.

Finally told folks to stop calling and asking about all of it.   “Hey, if anything happens, I promise it won’t be a secret…..”

 ___________________________

Had to vacate for awhile again the other night, whilst strangers roamed free in my home.    Went out to the country estate, where my fiance and her mom were pinning my daughter’s dress for the wedding.

There she was, all long and lanky; with a goofy grin on her face as she’s trying on, and starting to walk, in sparkly heels.     

Hard to walk that tight rope between girl and young woman, in sparkly heels, I reckon.   

But she nailed it.

I, of course, was support. 

Physical support in this case. Someone she could hold onto whilst balancing in a long dress and heels on a step ladder.  

I know my role.  

And hopefully she knows she can always hold on, when she needs to keep / regain her balance. 

_______________

Weird week, which lasted at least a week and a half, ended in a backhandedly cool way.

See, we're way understaffed at work.   And as we're global, and NOT based here, getting new head count approved generally takes... 3 or 4 years.      maybe.   

Finally, FINALLY, after 9 years and 6 months, HR approved the head count, and 6 months later, they had finished writing out the job description.

And... noone wanted it.

Noone was willing to do the job for the money offered.   

So in a stunning example of speed and efficiency, they did a quick industry study, and realized they were not paying enough.

And to make THAT adjustment, they had to adjust the existing team's salaries'.      

(That would be me and one other person.)

"Happy friday, here's a small, unexpected raise, cuz we've been cheap. "  

Cool!

and kind of hilarious in a backhanded, head shaking kinda way.   but who can't use an extra few bucks?

Years ago, I wrote of a very bad day.  EX's.... questionable parking choices ended up with all of us, including the baby, under the city of Chicago at the impound yard one cold, wet weekday night, paying a few hundred to get the car back.  I left the house at the normal time that morning. did NOT get home until almost bedtime.  it was a ridiculously long and expensive day, full of tension and unpleasantness.

Finally, a block or two from home, we stopped at Chipotle for dinner.    When it came time to pay, it turned out my burrito's wrapper had a star on it, so it was free.

"Today's your lucky day!!"

like that.

Channeling John Cusack, spinning plates, and mandatory weekend ruination.

 For today's writing exercise, i shall be writing in the dark.    ready?

DDF0,N Dog trewolw.s.r

Tis a dumb exercise.  let's light a single candle, instead of cursing the darkness.

woke up to a sticky note on the coffee maker, letting me know it was ready to go.   I felt, for a moment, that I was living my best life.

meanwhile, the dog, the enigma, the special one.....  was VERY content on my bed. 

"But you need to pee."

I'll hold it forever.  

"come on."

absolutely not.

And I could have walked to the back door and held it open, in my boxer briefs, and whistled, but i know that this would have accomplished nothing.     Well, maybe goosebumps....

Now's the time to mention that, when looking at rescue dogs, I insisted it be small enough to carry without hurting myself. .

I had been responsible for the 80+ pounder, before.    

30lbs, as it turns out.... one armed.  like a sleeping baby, carried her through the house, and plunked her down outside.     

Easy or hard, Maggie.   

She always gets to pick.

she's still standing where I put her down, 10 minutes later, staring at the back door.   Engima....

So, the house is still on the market, the new house is not ready yet, and I had two phone interviews recently for a job I was not even aware existed.    

I love it when jobs hunt me, instead of the other way around. 

The recruiter's a good guy, seems to be good at his job, unlike so many that have randomly rang my phone over the years.   Pretty sure I've written about it.

Why... I have...

  What's on MY mind today?: Matchmaker matchmaker... thoughts on recruiters (patrickosplayhouse.blogspot.com)

And it was nice chatting with folks, when I've too much other stuff going on to be nervous.    

"Hey. S'up."

   

            "If you really wanted to mess me up, you should have gotten to me earlier." 

                            -John Cusack, HIGH FIDELITY

Any moment now, I should spring into action.    Maybe even bathe.   Is it an even day week or an odd day week?   I'll have to check the shower schedule....

meet family at a college football game, later, on what should be a perfect college football saturday.

Tomorrow....I have to be at work at 6:30 to help count... packaging?  maybe?   

i love it when i have to go in on a sunday.  I feel so respected.  like my own time is valuable.

Usually, it's on a sunday when I have my daughter.  Guess I'm getting off light this time....

The absolute best is when I show up as commanded, and noone knows why I'm there, I'm not on anyone's list, but just sit tight (for 6 bloody hours) and we'll find you something to do.....

speaking hypothetically of course.  that would NEVER happen.   

Twice in a row....     

unless it actually did...... hypothetically.

Well.  I smell, and I have to be at breakfast in a half hour.   probably should do something about that....

peace out, homeys.  May your weekend be happy and sunny and a time for recharging your body and soul.   

and may someone please buy my house.....

Russian - is she or isn't she? / a moment of catharis / slapping family members for personal gain. What do you have to lose, but time?

 I had to cancel an appointment with someone whom I believe to be russian intelligence, earlier today.

I looked at my schedule, and everything I have going on, and emailed my regrets.

Had ya at "Russian Intelligence".

don't you dare lie.

She, being a wee slip of a woman, yet so skilled at tortu  deep tissue massage.... russian intelligence.

You're welcome.   now on to boring, potentially whiny shit.       Do as you see fit.

.......But how was I to know, she was with the Russians, too?

                    Thanks Warren.  you were a real life dick by all accounts, but you wrote some great songs.

Hey, I'm getting-married-buying-a-house-selling-another-house-my-kid's-in-freakin'-high-school-now-and-is-all-yay-band-yay-robotics-whatever.

that sentence actually took me three days to write, and the dog just had to be outside in the goddamn rain for a few minutes, ok?!?!?

She's still 57% convinced I'm going to abuse her at any moment, anyhow.   might as well take advantage. 

so....AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     man.  that was cathartic.  Thanks for letting me do that.

What was I whining about?

oh, yeah.  Everything.

And I could go on, and really let it rip.  but... I spent three days to write that one, declarative sentence. 

Why spoil it?    

 But it's there, bitches.   simmering.  just under the surface.

I'm a ticking time bomb, babies.

Yeah, it IS all really good stuff.    Doesn't mean I wouldn't smack my own mamma for a car service.

Sorry mom, but by bedtime tonite.... 6 round trips to the next town north of here, in just over 24 hour period.   

It'll be a love tap.

I swear.

Oh, and the dog, we've decided, is.. an enigma, to be as kind as possible about it.  a riddle....

we say "bless her weird little heart" a lot.    

She doesn't seem to care one way or the other. 

FB hijacks, special education dogs, and you can only get so wet.

 So, a couple weekends ago, I got FB jacked.

Got an email on saturday from FB, stating someone had tried to access my account, and if it wasn't me, let them know.

So I did.

And the next morning I received several more emails from FB, stating that they had shut me down, for violating FB guidelines.   

Although it was not me, it was the person who jacked me.

Now, I get almost daily notifications that the person who jacked me is paying for their FB ads, manually.

In Arabic currency.

So that's going well, I think.

Got jacked, not long after bringing Maggie home from dog rescue. She's sweet, and house trained and loves having her ears scratched,  and is convinced that I'm going to torture her, about 2/3 of the time.

Which is an improvement from 3/4 of the time, where we started when she came home.

She doesn't seem to know what to do with herself.   She'll just stand in the middle of the room, staring off into space.   or walk a few laps 'round my little house.    

She'll beg to go out moments after coming in.   if we're outside on the deck, she'll walk right past us and scratch on the door to go inside.     She's... special.

I blame her small head.  she's built kinda like a dinosaur.....

Last night was my daughter's first high school half time marching band performance.

it was 90 and sunny and humid as fuck, when I left my house to drive the 10 miles or so to her high school.   I remembered head covering, and was pounding the fluids on the way, to stay hydrated.

15 minutes later, i pull into the overflowing parking lot and...it's all cloudy.

Before end of first quarter, it started raining.  and it just kept getting worse.

shortly before the half, it was actually raining sideways. 

but by god, we were going to stay to watch them march, even if we spend 2nd half in our cars.

with seconds left in the half.... thunder and lightning.   We all bolted from the metal stands, as wet as we possibly could be, as the game was called.  

Standing in the rain, I removed my soaking wet glasses and wiped them on my soaking wet t-shirt, earning an odd glance or two from the folks next to me. 

         "I don't feel like I need to explain my art to you, Warren" - Empire Records

45 minutes later, they finally let the band kids go home.  

we walked, soaked to the bone, squelching with each step, out of the high school.   

Only to discover it had just stopped raining.   We get to the car, where i open the hatch to grab a beach blanket, for my daughter and I to sit on.  

On top of the beach blanket?   An umbrella.   

a goddamn umbrella........

We get home, to discover it hadn't rained a drop.     

God laughs.

Peace signs and that one spot....

There's this spot, on my default walking route.

Default, cuz I tend to walk it when I'm on the clock, and want to bang out some hills and about 1.4 miles in 30 minutes, which is my version of a lunch break when I'm working remotely.

So there's this spot....

A little grassy area, with a picnic table.  Behind what was a KFC, soon to be a chain coffee place. on a glorified alley, a small winding street that exists only for the handful of houses on it.  it's not on the way to or from anywhere.....

On a couple of occasions, soon after I started walking this route, I was  hit up for change by various sad sacks sitting at the table.... Only took a couple of times before I started swinging wide, and not making eye contact, whenever I'd see someone sitting there.

So there's this spot... 

As I neared it the other day, an older, kind of disheveled fella was walking toward me on the street, from the opposite direction.  

"Man. Here we go. Don't make eye contact..."   

As we got closer to one another, he nervously, of all things, flashed me the peace sign.

I can say without exaggeration that, having missed the 60's (I was 2, I believe, when Woodstock happened), I've not oft been flashed the peace sign by random passersby.

I smiled and nodded at him.  Standard acknowledgement, when passing other walkers....

He looked a bit more anxious.

The peace sign came out again, almost pushed at me this time. 

"Good morning." I say, politely, still smiling, still walking.

And... Peace sign a 3rd time.  Ironically he almost looked mad.

At this spot, on my default walking route.

And then we were past one another.  

Entire exchange from beginning to end, including the greeting, the nodding, all the smiling, and all three peace signs?  

maybe 10 seconds. 

Fuck, people.  I didn't flash him the peace sign back.     Because, for same reason I've not oft been flashed the peace sign by random passersby....    I've not oft flashed the peace sign at random passersby.   

Coincidence?!?!

I think not.

A few hundred words ago, I thought I knew where this was going.  And now I'm realizing it didn't quite end up there.   It happens.  Maybe it's just one of those "moment of my day" dealies, but with greater emphasis on audience and structure.

Maybe that's all there is to this one.

Oh, wait...

A reminder to be good, your own way.   Be kind, your own way.

You do you, Boo Boo.

Don't worry about conforming to someone else's deluded beliefs, as to what constitutes good and bad. 

There it is! 

sort of.

ish.

Oh, and.... peace.

Fireworks, flashlights, and frozen feet

 Good day, friends.

Laptop's half dead, coffee's hot, and my feet are freezing.

let's get funky.

Laptop's half dead.

    So about 9:45 or so last night, as I was headed to bed, there were... fireworks.

Random, but ok.    Until we realized what we had heard, and saw through the curtains, wasn't fireworks.  It was a transformer blowing, right in front of my house.   We realized this, when I went into the bathroom and turned the light on and nothing happened....

well... damn.  

within moments, Consumer's energy was all over it, texting me.... 4 times to let me know there was a power outage.   Where were they BEFORE I walked into the bathroom?

So electronics were unplugged, and I wandered thru my dark house, to where I knew I had, at some point, tossed some flashlights.   

Still in the package.   

with the batteries taped..

But there are no such things as problems, I'm told, only opportunities. 

Eventually, I handed out now-working flashlights; told my almost 14 year old that she was ready for the truth, and that flashlights are not, as she assumed for so long, toys; found a portable light in the same drawer w/ flashlights, put that in the bathroom, and went to bed.

Woke up this morning to power, lots of blinking clocks, and several emails from the internet company, letting me know they had detected an outage, and were, apparently, struggling to fix it.  

Hey, call the electric company.   They may have some insight into the problem.....

blinking clocks are fixed, phones and laptops are plugged back in, and life moves on apace.

Kid's still asleep, which she should be, at 7:30 on a saturday morning.  My house is 64 degrees, and my feet are freezing.  but if I turn on the furnace, it'll get loud and warm.   She's snug and happy and asleep, so.... I'll find a pair of slippers.

Coffee WAS hot, when I started this.      And then I decided to soak my feet in it....

  

Sun's up, mmm hmm, look's ok... the world survives into another day.....

 Good morning, sports fans.   Been a bit.  Hope everyone's ok out there this morning. 

This morning's ramblings are brought to you by caffeine, and Bruce Cockburn's  1979 classic, Wonder Where The Lions Are.

Or does one only underline Book Titles?    should I have used italics?   Believe it or not, I used to know the writing rules about such things.    But, to borrow from my girlfriend, now my brain's just full of '80's song lyrics.  

  

Regardless - give it a listen.

Wow,.

off to a random, rambling start.     

Feels good.    

Kid's asleep, full cup of coffee.... you know the drill.
let's do this.

Yeah, it's been a bit.   Got to the point where after 5 days of sitting in front of my laptop, the idea of doing so again on a weekend morning, full cup of coffee..... seemed a bit too much....

Lots of things seemed a bit too much. 

on occasion, damn near everything.   

but only on occasion.   

But, as it turns out, doing nothing at all to change this, results in not much being changed.

damnedest thing.

So, baby steps.   

I started reading a lot more, and watching TV a lot less.  

Forced myself to pick up the guitar more often.  

I bought a new mattress. 

planned a couple little adventures. 

made a conscious effort to approach stuff with a more positive, pro-active attitude. 

showered.(kidding.  It was never THAT bad)

I've written about situational depression before.   What happens when the situation just keeps going? 

anyhow...

So, after my winter of discontent (every winter), spring is beginning to... spring.
Outside, too.  

Cuz I'm vaxxed and waxed and ready for action!

Just kidding.  I'm not waxed.

as far as you know.

But I saw that quote somewhere, and it amused the shit out of me, so I'm gonna keep using it.   

You've been warned. 

So, vaxxed.    

Fully, now.  

I found myself oddly emotional, when I got my first dose.  I took a moment to just thank the person who jabbed me in the arm.   

And then went and sat in the plus sized lingerie area of Meijer for 15 minutes.

until security escorted me out.

kidding.   I don't know why they put all the chairs in THAT department.      

And you'd think, after 15 minutes, I'd have come up with a good set up/punchline for plus size camo pattern brassieres.   Something about them blending in, or not being able to find them; or maybe about how they should come with a bright orange hat, so you'll be safe in the woods during deer season without a shirt....

But no.    Clearly, I was off my game.

three weeks later, got the 2nd one, spending another 15 minutes staring at camo bras.  Don't judge.

You know you're living sub-optimally when you don't even know it's kicked your ass, cuz you're already on the damn couch.     

And then you say "It's beautiful, let's take a big walk" to a friend, and your  respective kids.   And a mile in, you want to die.   When just a week before, two miles wouldn't have been a blip on your radar.

Surprise, you lazy, depressed bastard!

I'm going to go, lie down over there.... just cover me with sticks and leaves.....

But now that I'm vaxxed (and waxed! and ready for action!),  it's time to start up live music again.   

Cuz it's all about me.

Cuz it's all about me.... goddamn, I'm tired of seeing that, hearing that, reading that.    It takes many shapes and forms, but at the root of all of those.... it's all about selfishness.  

I mention this only because it's been 13 months since we shut down.   

13 months, and we still have lots of folks....

• demanding their children return maskless to schools, as we, in MI, are in the middle of a spike worse than anywhere else in the country..... See, cuz MASKS aren't safe....   
• physically attacking store employees for trying to enforce policy.
• trying to score political points by poorly arguing science with scientists on the floor of the senate.  

That was just thursday.

Or was it Wednesday?   They all blend together.

yeah, people.    They ruin everything...

Time to wrap this up.   There are chores, and the sun is shining, and my coffee's ice fucking cold, and I feel pretty good about all of it.

And not JUST because I'm vaxxed and waxed and ready for action. 

Ted Cruz, simple dooshbaggery vs. complicated dooshbaggery, and being around people....

So, Ted Cruz.

Decides to leave the country, whilst his constituents freeze, without electricity and water.

See, cuz his house was cold.

And only when he was caught doing so, after instructing his office not to comment on his whereabouts, and the shit started to hit the fan, did he quick fly home, and began lying to everyone.

Why THIS?   Why is THIS news?   Why the outrage over this, compared to, say, our collective outrage over his involvement in January's insurrection?

At the end of the day, I believe it's simply because it's more relatable. 

It's more obviously a doosh move, without it being complicated, or nuanced.   

Most americans can see it for what it is.  without having to strain at all.    we don't like to strain.

It's a lay up.

And my goodness, it's a rich tale.   "Friends" leaking texts to the NYT, the airline's opened an investigation to see who leaked his travel info... there's mention of a neglected poodle, a cherished family pet left behind to fend for itself in the freezing home......

Ted's a craven piece of shit.   This is public knowledge.  His own party hates him, he's the most hated man in the senate for several years in a row now.... his friends obviously don't like him very much, either.  

he's already fundraising for his next presidential run....

going out in the world a bit more than has been the norm, 'lo these last 11 months. 

Kid has a robotics competition today, about 50 minutes north of where I live.    I was impressed with their safety measures, so told her she could be one of the two, I believe, team members to be at the competition. 

In the last week or so, it's gone (13 year old relayed this info) from being at 7am in Grand Haven, to what ended up being 11:30 in SW grand rapids.  

um... 11:30 only half as far away is way better.   It allows me to still love my child, whilst supporting her interest in robotics.   

"Hey, you could go to Cabela's and Duluth Trading and....."  I was told. 

yeah, I know.   I could.....

But geezus, I've no interest in doing any of that.  

I just ordered toilet bowl cleaner from Amazon, for fuck's sake.   

I go to the grocery store that has 4 aisles, once a week at opening. 

I've spent the last 10 months driving around rural michigan, so that I could feel like I was out and part of the bigger picture, without actually having to be around.... people. 

 

My biggest gripe about winter is that I can't be outside for as long, because outside is where it's safe to be,  for... people.  

friends.  

conversations, laughter... maybe a little guitar.....

outside.   

not inside. 

Cabela's sounds... daunting. 

And as I want for nothing, wonderfully unnecessary.  

I've electricity and water and gas and food, and Ted Cruz is not my senator.     

At least for today - I'm good. 

   

Assumed names, and richer tales

 My grandmother was about 90 years old, when she told me that she was not the woman I always thought she was.

Attention grabbed?    Good.

Sitting there in a lawn chair, sporting a straw hat, under the protective shade of a tree near my village's playing fields where my (at the time) very young nephew was playing t-ball, or what passed as soccer.

She was just happy to be outside, and around family, and was chatty.  

And told me the tale of growing up with a very ethnic name in southern OH, and how eventually, she just decided a different name was the way to go,   Southern OH not being the enlightened place a century ago, that I'm sure it is now.

So the name I knew her under, was, essentially, made up.  And moreover, she never legally changed it.

Record keeping was not what it is today, 100 years ago.  

weird.

And married my grandfather; raised two children; and had a full and long life...under an alias, apparently.

She did this long before social security was a thing.

Eventually, her "name" was simply everywhere.   driver's license, Soc Sec (when it became a thing), marriage license, birth certs.

And everything matched. 

learning this did not, of course, change how I felt about her, nor made me question, well... anything, really.  Except old school record keeping.

It was simply a story that made the bigger story of her life just a bit more rich.   My tiny little grandma (was she even 5' tall?) who cursed when playing cards; and who could crack your ribs with a hug... assumed name.

just seemed a little... badass, in it's way.

Had occasion, last night, to listen to another person talk about their life.   And as it happened to be my dad, he was talking about my life as well. 

Recently recovered from Covid, he was very happy to be able to share a meal and blow out candles, for his birthday.  

So my girlfriend and I took him what I remembered to be a favorite meal from a favorite pub that offers curbside, and a small chocolate cake w/ candles. 

Because of how we all distance w/ pandemic, my girlfriend had not had an opportunity to just sit and talk to him and ask him questions.  Until last night.

I sat back, and listened to the story of how we came to be in SW MI when I was not quite 4 years old. 

I knew the broadstrokes, of course.   The w's and the one H.  

But last night I learned of him staying in a boarding house in a dicey neighborhood, when he moved here ahead of his family to start the job that brought us to MI. About how his interview with the franchisee owner in Lansing was NOT an interview, but just a chat, really, because they had agreed not to poach any of the managers from any of the stores they had briefly owned in OH, as one of the terms of them getting out of that deal.

And was reminded about how he thought we'd be moving to Muskegon, until the very last minute when a manager at a Kalamazoo store had a heart attack.  

And then for the very first time, I listened to him talk about his interview to get a job with the KFD, and having to explain to the folks why he was willing to take a pay cut(!!!) from managing a take out fried fish restaurant to join the department.

Again, all of this served to make the story I KNEW, a richer one.   

Who doesn't love a good, rich story?

I've known for a long time, that encouraging people to tell their stories is the quickest way to break ice, to make someone feel like they matter, to keep conversation going....  

I learned in a Dale Carnegie class that I was right.  People love to hear their names on someone else's lips, and they notice when you make a point to ask them about themselves.

Shit's basic, really.     

But at the same time, I learned a long time ago to pay attention.  If those same folks don't make any effort to do the same with you... I don't give 'em more than a couple chances.    One sided and self involved don't take long to spot.  

But, anyhow,  in being someone that likes to know the history, the HOW of things, my girlfriend gave my dad a great birthday present, yesterday.    And in watching him share tales with her, I got a little something, too.   

A richer tale. 

Matilda, adulting, and situational depression.

 So, there's this song.....

And it's on the Matilda soundtrack.  

It's brilliant altogether, as is the entire play.   

But this song, WHEN I GROW UP, rarely fails to stir emotions.  Singing along in the car, and Tim Minchin (wrote the play and the music for it) swerves you,  and your throat closes up a bit and......

Sneaky bastard.....

• My dad has covid.
• last week it was my sister in law, before that it was my brother.
• my girlfriend, whom I love, is just coming off 14 days isolating.  thank god she's ok, at least. she was told she had been exposed at work.  who in turn would not pay her to stay home until she found out if she had it or not.....
• My mom's been in the hospital for 6+ weeks, with very serious, non-covid related issues.  

I mention all of this not for sympathy, but more to highlight that this is where a whole bunch of our lives are at right now, every day.   

             When I grow up,
                I will be strong enough to carry all the heavy things You have to haul around with you
                When you're a grown up

And isn't it all just exhausting?

I fully realize that my list, while seeming like a LOT to ME, is likely not as severe a list as many of you have at the moment.    

But I hit a wall, this morning, after talking with my dad, and listening to him sound ok, and listening to him breathe well, and talk about conference call with his doctors, and such.

hung up, and just lost my shit.

by myself.

at my desk.

in my living room.

My sis, god love her ( I certainly do ), simply reminded me that adulting is very hard right now.  

                And when I grow up 
                I will be brave enough to fight the creatures that you have to fight
                Beneath the bed each night
                to be a grown up

Talked at length with a coworker yesterday.  As has been the case of late, you start out talking about work, then just catch up with one another, because you've not seen nor spoken to them in quite awhile, and you USED to share your lives with one another, and enjoyed doing so....

He mentioned a situation with his dad, similar to my mom's.   And uncertainty and frustration and all the stuff that goes along with THAT, in the midst of family members dealing with covid.

I shared my situation.    He asked me if I knew what situational depression was, because he's finding himself struggling with it for the first time in his life.

And the lightbulb went off.

Yeah, buddy!

  

I know what that is.  It's been 2 years since I last recognized it in myself, and was 3 years before THAT when I really became familiar with the concept...

the pure joy of feeling that recede, when the situation that's causing it resolves itself, is... wonderous.

But, fuck.   it's a pandemic.  When will THIS situation resolve itself?

adulting is very hard right now.

To refer to Matilda again,  the heavy things and the monsters are... heavier, and more monstrous than we ever thought we'd have to deal with, I'm guessing.

day

after

day

after 

day.....

                And when I grow up
                    I will be smart enough to answer all the questions
                    That you need to know the answers to
                    Before you're grown up

Turns out... nope.   Not even close. 

 

At least I didn't wake up on the day of the final after not going to class all term... just dreamt that I did.....