road rage - thanksgiving

It started innocently enough.

It really did.

I was just driving to work this morning.

A little back-filler, if you will.

I work 28 miles away from my house.
23 of those are spent on I-294, locally known as the Tri-State. the other five miles is spent on 95th street, getting to and from the highway.
In the morning, it takes me as long to drive the five miles, as it does to drive the 23.

Ok, now on with the story.

Did I mention that it all started innocently enough?

The woman in front of me at the stoplight, did not press her right foot down on the gas pedal, thus keeping her car from moving forward, when the light turned green.

To keep myself in check, I've instituted a slow 3-count for such situations. I give the driver in front of me slow three count before tapping briefly on my horn. And it's just that, a tap.
Honest.

And that's what the helmet-haired honey got from me this morning. A slow 3-count, and a brief horn tap.

Which caused her to go into a fit of rage.

6:45am, the day before Thanksgiving, on a fairly empty street, and I've managed to enrage someone.
I've got mad skills.

She's in her mid-50's, makeup looks like it was applied by a clown, afore-mentioned stiff helmet of hair, driving a Lincoln, with bobble-head dogs lined up across the back window, and she's flipping me the bird and yelling at me in her rear-view, as she slllllllllllllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwlllllyyyyyyyyyy began moving.
She was doing five miles an hour, to spite me, and was making sure I knew it.

NO problem. I've got three lanes to maneuver within, and no personal issues with the glowering clown in front of me, who's bent on showing me the error of my ways. I'm just trying to get to work.

And I don't even want to go to work.

So I shift over a lane, and then into the other one when it opened up. a minute later I looked over, and she had accelerated, so that she was keeping even with me, two lanes over, still visibly upset, hunched over steering wheel, taking her eyes off the road to glare at me some more.

Geezus.

As we got close to the Tri-State, I had to get over to the middle lane, to pass someone, and....There she was. She actually slipped in behind me, and was tailgating me. I was beyond amused at the situation by this point.
Was this crazy bitch going to get on the highway with me? Certainly I could lose her easily enough, if she did, but who wants to play games on a busy interstate?

I signaled to change lanes so I could get onto the highway, and she leaned on her horn.
man.....

Someone lets me over, she comes up beside me again, honks and yells one more time, and drives off, NOT getting on the highway with me.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I ease up the on-ramp and merge with traffic and continue on my merry way.

Happy Thanksgiving ma'am, whoever you are.

May you spend it alone and lonely, ignored by family and ex-friends who you've repelled by your anger and willingness to lash out randomly at the slightest provocation.

If you stop to think about how you've gotten to this point, you will doubtless blame everyone else.